Advice Please

[kyda]

Hi Ladies, when you started wearing vintage clothes and doing your hair in that style did you ever get family members, friends who had nothing but negative comments?????? I love the 40's and 50's but I am starting to wonder if dressing in that style is[huh] [huh] , I went to the city two days ago and had my hair in victory rolls, my dh said that I looked stupid and a couple of the sales assistants gave me funny looks so my confidence took a beating.

[Lady Day]

Hi :)

You might want to read through this (http://www.thefedoralounge.com/showthread.php?t=10192) thread. There is much advice on how to react and how not to take it.

People always react strangely to what they do not know. It goes with being part of the crowd. Dont take it too hard, but know it happens to all of us.

And welcome to the lounge!

LD

[Grant Fan]

Oh don't worry about it. I had my hair in rolls the other day here is a picture of it
http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i251/aquabllue/Me/n144100048_30211224_3813.jpg
Well I went out with my mom that day and normally my styles aren't so obviously vintage like rolls. But anyway my mom is great she thinks the vintage stuff is super cute. My boyfriend also likes it. Now to be honest I don't know if it is just because they know I like it and it suits me or what but that's ok. sorry I keep getting off topic here. My mom and I went out to lunch together and the hostess nearly ran into a wall taking us to our table then stood there for quite a while I mean we had time to take off our coats and scarves and get situated. She was staring at me so I just tried to ignore her and then finally she pipes up and says "wow I really like your hair, but aren't you afraid people won't like it?" all I told her was that I don't really care if people like it or not. Then later that day on my way back from visiting my parents I stopped off to get some Starbucks and the guy at the counter didn't know weather to look at my hair or into my face. So he wound up talking to my hair, I got a good chuckle out of that one lol. And even my roommate some days doesn't know where to look she will look at the hair then the lipstick then the hair and well sometimes she just gets confused and starts to giggle. I guess the key is to not care. If you like it and feel wonderful then that's perfect, and it's good to be able to laugh at yourself. If you don't take yourself to seriously, like you know thinking you just stepped out of a movie with Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart, then people don't usually seem as surprised. They just kind of give you the oh she is quarky, look and keep going. I hope that helped out

[miss_elise]

yay! another aussie...


i guess if you are feeling a bit self conscious you can tone it down a bit and do vintage-inspired until a) the people around you (ie DH) are used to it and b) you feel more confident within yourself...

[Odalisque]

There are always going to be people who are put off by "different" things.
Don't let it change how you feel about your look.
Anyone who is so rude as to say you look stupid because your wearing a certain style has personal issues that have nothing to do with you.

[hotrodmama0201]

My dad made fun of me when I first started. He's a total 60's child so he didn't get it. When I introduced him to my husband for the first time, he laughed and said something like "So I guess you are into this thing too" Haha...whatever. Yeah read through some of those posts, you'll find that you're gonna get mixed responses but what really matters is that you're happy.

[KittyT]

Keep in mind that a lot of people are probably making negative comments and shooting you dirty looks because you look good and they are jealous that they couldn't be bothered to throw on anything other than their ugly sweatpants.

Also, try the retort "didn't your mama teach you that if you can't say anything nice you shouldn't say anything at all?

[carter]

If they think they're funny...but they're not, try this retort.
"You think you're funny but your face beat you to it."

Grant Fan, Your Victory Rolls are adorable. Hooray for your Mom and your Navy Man!.

[Amy Jeanne]

I feel the same as Grant Fan. You need the confidence and a sense of humour about yourself and you'll do just fine. Not only that, but I also think it makes the bearer very sexy! Nothing is more unattractive to me than people getting on their vintage high-horses when someone looks at them wrong :rolleyes: I used to be that way -- It only gives the person giving you a negative comment more power.

[Foofoogal]

Grant Fan. You look adorable. I would buy cookies or anything from you.
After this year I cannot believe anyone has anything negative to say to anyone dressed up nicely. :eusa_doh:

[LelaViavonie]

Amy Jeanne

I feel the same way.. you took the words right outta my mouth :)

[kyda]

Thank you ladies for all of your great advice, it helps to know that I am not the only one that has had comments or funny looks.
Do you think that we could set up a country/island where only vintage dressing was allowed????? or is that called a cult????:offtopic: :offtopic: :offtopic:

[Imahomer]

I went to the city two days ago and had my hair in victory rolls, my dh said that I looked stupid and a couple of the sales assistants gave me funny looks so my confidence took a beating.


You shouldn't let rude people shake your confidence. Who cares about them? I'll bet that on a day by day basis, you put in much more time and effort looking nice than any of them. :eusa_clap

[Mojito]

I wonder sometimes if the desire to tear down anyone who is different - a trait strong in some individuals - has evolutionary origins that tie back to the need for the group/tribe/pack to survive, when conformity (unless one had an advantageous mutation!) was often necessary and the good of the group more important than the individual.

I think that sometimes the care that goes into even basic vintage grooming triggers a "you think you're better than me?" response in some people. It does so even among non-vintage dressers. Once upon a time it would have been different, and the person who did *not* take care with their toilette and their attire would be the one whispered about.

Unless you are willing to sacrifice a part of yourself - to dress to the lowest common denominator of the style set around you, to never, ever stick your head above the parapet and wear something different - I think you have to accept that some people are going to be critical about what you wear. Maybe it will be because it offends their personal aesthetic. Maybe it's because they think that a higher standard of grooming than the norm = "they think they're better'n me!" Maybe it's just that the pack instinct to attack the aberration from the group sets in.

Many other people won't be. Some will love the aesthetic, even if they would never wear something like that themselves. Many will recognise genuine individualism and salute it. Some may even regard you as a true rebel. And some will just think it looks hot without overthinking it.

But I'm afraid sometimes the penalty you pay for being true to your personal sense of style is criticism, which can range from something with a bit of thought behind it to just a nasty, sniggering lashing out.

Remember always that the alternative is subjugating who and what you are to a general, homogenous sense of style and self. It's a trade off. Would you be happy sacrificing yourself for group approval or indifference? The answer is probably no.

[Grant Fan]

Thank you ladies for all of your great advice, it helps to know that I am not the only one that has had comments or funny looks.
Do you think that we could set up a country/island where only vintage dressing was allowed????? or is that called a cult????:offtopic: :offtopic: :offtopic:

I think a cult has to be a religious thing, and this isn't religious this is exteral so it's ok.

[kyda]

:offtopic: :offtopic: I went down the street today dressed as a normal person, and I just did not feel right going out without my make-up on, and properly dressed and not having done my hair. It just proves that even wearing a dress and make up can make you feel better, oh the dress was vintage inspired!!!!!

[Kitty_Sheridan]

I always look old fashioned:( apparently....my boss says I look like an old Edwardian soap advert (she says she means it nicely) and when I go to work with soft side sweeps in the old ladies that come in are always so impressed and tell me how they wish it would come back into fashion. Likewise, old men are always impressed!lol

I say, if you don't feel confident with it do it gradually. I don't always dress vintage. It freaks my mum out and my sister thinks I'm just odd and 'theatrical'

I'm sure you look gaaaawwwgeous!

K
x

[Lillemor]

In short Mojito; yes. I'm not excusing or condoning that kind of behavior but some do it more consciously than others. Some have a greater desire to be part of a pack than others and the former will find those who stray threatening to the communal "feeling".

Kitty_Sheridan, I'd be flattered if someone said that to me.:) That's sadly never going to happen though.

Some women won't be confident enough to dress so overtly feminine but they know their significant other will find it attractive so they'll try to discourage you from enhancing your beauty feminity. This sort of tactic is extended to any woman who doesn't make excuses for herself and prides in knowing that she can enhance her features with good styling.

My sense of style isn't exclusively vintage but defnitely OTT, theatrical and out of place by many people's standards regarding formality, appropriateness, colors, make-up and jewelry. I think it's a jantelaw thing here though.:rolleyes:

Some are just jealous because they didn't think of it first and they're too proud to risk being seen as copying your style.

If I ever reach my hair goal, I know from other women who have reached their terminal hair length, that I'll really wind people up and receive many more unsolicited comments and questions on my appearance than I already do.

Some people just generally feel that modern people are too superficial in every aspect of our lives and they wouldn't just extend this feeling to us vintage gals but they'd probably think we're among the worst in perpetuating a fake and artificial image and they may assume it reflects back on our personalities in general which is of course nonesense. I admirer that they want to return to a time with more spiritual priorities and I do sentiment that to some degree but as long as my vintage style and my appearance isn't all time consuming, I don't think I'm necessarily compromising my personal, intellectual and spiritual development.

I have to admit that negative comments from women are more likely to hurt me than comments from men.

[dhermann1]

Kyda, you just keep doing what you're doing. I hope you start to experience the feeling of having one positive comment make up for a whole pile of negative ones. When people appreciate that look, they tend to REALLY appreciate it. Class shows. Be true to yourself.
BTW, over in the Observation Bar there's a crazy old thread called "Our Own Vintage Town". It gets kicked back and forth incessantly, and not very productively, but it's fun. The main bone of contention seems to be between the people who love/need snow, and the people who hate it. lol