What is a Lady?

Lauren said:

... She should never appear intoxicated...

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Even when I am!lol

exactly nothing against drinking, just acting sloshy. hehe.

*Yanks really hard*


There we have it - it's back ON.
I'd like to bring this discussion back. While ago I wrote about manners, and quoted Emily Post's book. I was asked to make one sentence viral.. (using the "viral" term among the vintage-loving cežrowd - but, there's no better word for it).



Is there a way for us to spread this along?!
Size it up, make a business-card size.
Pring it out, and pass it along.
The idea is: Give it to theloud man that is making rude remarks on a bus. Give it to the school's bully that is trying to ruin the fun time. Give it to high-and-mighty shop girl that is giggling at your jeans size...

..and, hopefully, no one will have their nose broken.

Being a lady to me means behaving according to the situation. Being polite and respectful, even to those we may not get along with. Dress has nothing to do with it, nor looks in general.

A lady is someone who looks at the angry, tired-looking, poorly-dressed woman with the two screaming kids and offers to let them go ahead of her in the grocery line.

I always let someone ahead of me if they have fewer items than I do or look distressed. Even with my tattoos!! :eye roll:

I have a long list, but I've had a lot of time to think about this because I am raising a daughter. I tell my daughter frequently to behave like a lady. This has met with criticism from some people because they have this stereotypical view of what a lady is, which has nothing to do with actually being a good person or ladylike in my opinion.


A lady aspires to be:
Charitable- she gives to her family, friends, community, and the wider world. This may or may not be in the form of a job, money, or time; but she tries to make the world a better place in whatever way she can. She sees the problems in the world and among her circle, and wants to try to do her best to help with them, even in small ways. She pays what she has been given forward.

Kind- she thinks about others and tries her best to be courteous. She treats people who work above her, with her, and for her with the same amount of respect. She is friendly. She does not treat people differently based upon what they do or how much they make.

Brave- when a lady see's someone being bullied, treated poorly, or otherwise mistreated she stands up for them if she is at all able. She does not need to be a martyr, but she does whatever she can to end mistreatment, even if it is as simple as seeking safety and contacting the police. She is not a bystander.

Opinionated/ Smart- a lady tries to be well informed on whatever subject she has an opinion on to the utmost of her ability. She tries not to be ignorant of the facts or feelings in a situation. She has looked at both sides of any opinion she has. A lady is not wishy-washy about a subject, she knows where she stands even if where she stands is still making up her mind.

Strong- a lady will stand up for her beliefs in a situation in which they are truly tested.

Humble- she will constantly re-examine her beliefs to ensure that they are fair and justified. She is able to change her mind about a topic. Most importantly, she admits she changed it and why.

Suffragette- she votes. She cares about her community, so she votes. She encourages others to vote and to make informed decisions. She supports democracy and the democratic process.

Feminist- she believes that all people are equal in a fundamental way. She examines her own beliefs and role in the larger world. She tries to eliminate "ist" thinking from her mind, the minds of people close to her, and her community if at all possible. This includes racist, classist, misogynist, etc. thinking and actions.

Mindful- she listens rather than hears and responds rather than reacts.



That's a long list. I don't think you need to be able to check them all off to be a lady; but you have to be working on them or trying to work on them to be. I like to think that same list goes for a gentleman too. It's basically what I think you have to be working on in order to be considered to be a good human being.

I think "being a lady" is less a "state" of being and more of a never-ending process of trying to be a better person.

sheeplady said:

I have a long list, but I've had a lot of time to think about this because I am raising a daughter. I tell my daughter frequently to behave like a lady. This has met with criticism from some people because they have this stereotypical view of what a lady is, which has nothing to do with actually being a good person or ladylike in my opinion.
...
I think "being a lady" is less a "state" of being and more of a never-ending process of trying to be a better person.

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Your list is not long, dear.
It's just right. Pretty much adds it all up. I do hope your daughter will turn out to be a dignified lady - and the list above will be a good guide to her growing up. Just be dilligent with your teachings (I write this as a person who had one such teacher as a child).
It will pay off. :thumb:

This is a great thread! I have missed reading. We recently moved and things are quieting down a bit to allow more fun time! I know it's not as common today as when I was young (60's-70's) but I still cannot go out of the house without a slip! I get tired of seeing young ladies, different colored panties through their skirts!

Sheeplady, I enjoyed your list very much. I have no one to directly pass it on to, but maybe I can aspire to lead by example. I especially liked that it didn't fall into the "snoot" factor, where I think a lot of people believe that to be a "lady" is to feel yourself above someone else. "She does not treat people differently based upon what they do or how much they make." Nice addition.

This is a terrific discussion! My own definition has been covered by various ladies of this thread, so I will add my mom's definition: A lady always wears a slip, a bra and panty hose."

While the definitions already posted in this thread are brilliant and comprehensive, I dare to add my own very short definition of a lady: a lady is both dignified and feminine. Many fine and good people are neither, or only the other, but it takes both to be not merely lady-like but truly a lady.

Although this quote is some 50 years too early for the "Golden Era", I hope it might still be amusing to some loungers: "At its highest, ladyhood implies a spirituality made manifest in poetic grace. From the lady there exhales a subtle magnetism. Unconsciously she encircles herself with an atmosphere of unruffled strength, which, to those who come into it, gives confidence and repose. Within her influence the diffident grow self-possessed, the impudent are checked, the inconsiderate are admonished; even the rude are constrained to be mannerly, and the refined are perfected; all spelled, unawares, by the flexible dignity, the commanding gentleness, the thorough womanliness of her look, speech and demeanor."
Our Deportment by John H. Young, 1881

Although perhaps never attained, this is where I aspire.