Ettiquete: Men and Bridal Showers.

[MrNewportCustom]

Pardon the intrusion, Ladies, but I have some questions:

My younger brother is getting married next month (and again in October - to the same woman, of course) and yesterday he called to invite me to his bride-to-be's shower - TODAY. It didn't feel right to me, but I said I'd attend. This morning, though, I decided not to for two reasons:

1. Traditionally, a bridal shower is for the bride and her female friends. The men have a their own party.

2. I feel that less than twenty-four hours between invite and party isn't enough time, not to mention it made me feel like an afterthought.

I called my brother (had to leave a message - he didn't answer) and told him I wasn't going and why, and also told him I'd be happy to go to his bachelor party, given adequate notice (I didn't tell him the late invite made me feel like an afterthought).

Here are my questions:
Am I wrong for saying I'd attend, and then, eighteen hours later (and four hours before the shower) telling him I'm not?

Are my two reasons valid?


Thank you,
Lee
_______________________________

My eighteen hours in a Quandary, and how they grew.

[Lady Day]

They could be doing those new co-ed deals, men and women a t both parties. The fellas party being mini gold or go carting or fishing instead of the stripper.

Yeah, 24 hrs is a bit too short notice. These things generally have invites and RSVP lists and 'save the date cards'. But if it IS one of those new co-ed thinggies, they may be forgoing all that 'traditional' stuff.

I wouldnt have gone. Its independence day. How could I have gotten a gift together in such few hours. And you dont wanna be around a bunch of crazy ladies drunk and singing loudly....well, maybe you do

LD

[GWD]

Number 1, you're right, 24 hours notice is ridiculous I bet invitations were sent out at least a month ago.

Number 2, Men don't belong at "Bridal" Showers. Why do women insist on emasculating men today? Or is it a way for the future bride to get more gifts by inviting more people?

Number 3, Men don't belong at "Bridal" Showers!!!!!!

[BegintheBeguine]

This is weird. It's a bridal shower and not a bachelorette party, right? So the guys don't in fact have their own version of a bridal shower. The shower is given by her friends, so why did your brother call you? If it's a co-ed shower then you should have already gotten an invitation for you and your date, if applicable. I would've done the same thing, at first saying yeah, sure, and then thinking about it and changing my mind. Because the whole thing is weird. When I went to a co-ed shower (20 years ago, but still) as the best man's date, we already knew what items the bride wanted (I picked out a lovely ice bucket, and it wasn't easy to find just the right one). So it sounds like you were an afterthought, which is never fun. Don't feel guilty for changing your mind. You should've been first on the list.
The bridal shower is unabashedly about gifts. You weren't given enough time, so you decided not to go.

[Miss Neecerie]

Number 1, you're right, 24 hours notice is ridiculous I bet invitations were sent out at least a month ago.

Number 2, Men don't belong at "Bridal" Showers. Why do women insist on emasculating men today? Or is it a way for the future bride to get more gifts by inviting more people?

Number 3, Men don't belong at "Bridal" Showers!!!!!!

Since it was his -Brother- asking......please do not jump to some assumption that 'all women insist on emasculating men today' nonsense, when in this case it does not fit the situation in the slightest.

Clearly this is a case of the entire thing not really being a 'shower' in the traditional sense but rather a 'felicitations on your upcoming nuptuals party'...for which there is not a term and so people use 'shower'.

And trust me...-most- women get frilly naughties at their bridal shower and don't want you there either, emasculated or not

[KittyT]

I think the fact that men don't belong at bridal showers is enough reason for you to back out.

[MrNewportCustom]

For the record: My brother asked me because she told him to. I know this, because he told me.

She's not one to emasculate men, but she's certainly one who likes to bend people to her whims. I wanted to date her long before they even met, but she didn't want to date me because I was, in her words, "Too stubborn": She couldn't get me to do things I didn't want to do, even if I could afford to. That's why I stopped trying to date her. (I eventually came to the conclusion that, if we had started dating, we'd probably come close to blows with the argument we'd have breaking up.)

But this thread isn't about emasculation or stubbornness or who's dating whom. It's about men at bridal showers (they called it a Bridal Shower, so that's the term I'm using) and, based on the information I provided in the initial post, whether I was right or wrong to turn down the invitation after having accepted it.


Thank you again,
Lee

[patrick1987]

Clearly this is a case of the entire thing not really being a 'shower' in the traditional sense but rather a 'felicitations on your upcoming nuptuals party'...for which there is not a term and so people use 'shower'.

The term is engagement party and it already would have happened.
You did the right thing, Mr.

[Miss Neecerie]

The term is engagement party and it already would have happened.
You did the right thing, Mr.

Of course he did the right thing...no argument there..


But this -would have happened- already nonsense...-assumes- some clue of 'proper behavior and etiquette' of the parties...and other then our lovely poster....no -proof- of such a clued in state has been given...

Their idea of a 'shower' is co-ed...ours is not. They follow more modern rules...we do not.

Can argue til the cows come home about what a word -means- to various groups or people...and never reach a consensus on things, because the meaning of words -change- over time...

[patrick1987]

I was talking about the term. It's not nonsense, it's a timeline and I'm offended. I wasn't talking about the party-givers' intentions.