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any old-school housewives??

Discussion in 'The Home Front Woman' started by retromom712, Mar 16, 2008.

  1. I consider myself very fortunate to gave this life. Unfortunately my illness doesn't let me work due to its unpredictability but I work HARD at home. My fiancé comments that though "he never does laundry he always has clean clothes and though he never washes a dish they are always clean" he comes home to a warm meal and a calm house. He tells me daily he knows he's spoiled by me and appreciates it..,he has also come out and said that my two kids are a 50+ hour a week job on their own not including the house! the cooking! the errands! and all the homemade prep work I do to save money. :D but yes...I don't work lol
     
  2. I think it is very important. My father never contributed much to doing things around the house. I don't think he knows how to do laundry. He can *barely* cook himself a meal- he can make pasta and fry an egg. He has no idea how to clean. Much of this is because he lived with his parents, followed by a period of his parents living with him, and then he lived with my mother. Except for a brief year, he had never really been on his own to do his own cooking and cleaning. My mother stayed at home after her job was eliminated and ran the family farm. While she loved the farm, she hated and resented not having gone back to work outside the home as it dampened her independence.

    So I was raised by a woman who told me flat out that staying at home was a bad thing. I was also raised by a man who did nothing at home. Despite this, I was absolutely shocked when I got married and at my wedding my father told me, "Once you have children, I expect you to stay at home. That is a woman's place. You use your education to teach your children." I remember laughing weakly and my new husband looked shocked beyond the pale. It shocked me in part because my father's mother had supported the family since my father was 10. My grandmother was what Riley calls a "working pioneer"- a middle class woman who continued to work after having children because of the shortage of teachers and nurses following the baby boom. (My grandmother was the style of teacher who simply stayed on in the one-room school house once she reached 16 as a teacher; she originally had no training beyond high school.)

    My husband more than pulls his weight around the house. When he comes home at night, he is primarily responsible for our daughter. When we go out together, he is primarily responsible for her- he gets her in and out of the car, takes care of her at dinner if we are out to eat, etc. (This is also because he doesn't get to see her much.) He used to do about 20% of the cooking, but since I have started staying at home I do 100% of the cooking (I am the better cook, and I like to do it). He does all the floor cleaning and cleans the bathroom (except for the shower and sink, which I do). I do about 60% of the laundry, mainly because I am home so much more than him. My husband's mother also stayed at home, but I think his parents divided the housework more evenly.

    I appreciate that my husband and I help each other around the house and with our family.

    I hope that our daughter learns from her father's example of the kind of partner she should look for in life; and beyond that, she sees that housework is something respectful to do.
     
    SurfGent and RebeccaMUA like this.
  3. I guess I could be classified as a housewife, but I think of myself more as a stay at home mom. When we decided to have our daughter, I had just been laid off, so I took on the household responsibilities. My husband has two main chores - loading/unloading the dishwasher, and taking out the garbage (I'm too vertically challenged to be able to put the bag in the dumpster). He does help with other chores if I directly ask several times, but I am in charge of all cooking (he grills meat, only - and it is better that way!), all laundry, all cleaning, all shopping, and about 95% of our daughter's care. We do alternate who is her dinner partner each night, because when I did it 100% of the time I always had a cold meal by the time I got to eat. Now we share having the cold meal every-other-night.

    I have another 18 months until she starts kindergarten, and then I will have to go back to work at least part time to help out financially. I'm nervous about how I will balance everything (certainly not making everything from scratch like I do now). I'm hoping that hubby will help out more, but who knows if that will actually happen.
     
  4. Good for you, my dear! I "love" (hear the heavy sarcasm there) when people say "You don't work!" We work harder at home than many of them would even dream of at their jobs.

    You mentioned your illness keeping your from working (I'm assuming you mean outside the home). Although I don't know from what you suffer, I can definitely relate. I have Lupus and can't really tell from one day to the next how "good" I'll feel. As long as we are happy and our love ones are happy what the rest of the world thinks doesn't count. (I've found the older I get the easier it is for me to believe that!)

    God Bless & Hugs
     
  5. I hear you!! They believe I suffer from chronic Lyme which never helps anything! Lol yeah I had a bad spell last week and the once finall to a fast f how much I really do...cracked me up when he couldn't make coffee in our vintage percolator!! (hence why I'm just inning back on. My memory is just junk durin attacks)
     
  6. TimeWarpWife

    TimeWarpWife One of the Regulars

    I have been a homemaker for 23 years. I am also the mother of a disabled adult child who functions at the level of a 6 month old infant. In those last 23 years I've had exactly 2 weeks off where I wasn't taking care of my child or doing housework. That included a surgery, having a torn ACL, and two overnight visits with my mom. When people say things like "oh you don't work" I really have to restrain myself from Gibbs slapping them to the back of the head - all you NCIS fans will know what this means. Our jobs don't end at 5 p.m. and we don't get overtime, sick days, or weekends and holidays off.
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2014
  7. MurderOfGoths

    MurderOfGoths New in Town

    I am, not necessarily through choice, a stay at home mum. Like a few posters my health has taken me out of the job market. Can safely say I found working full time easier than looking after two kids, even doing 12 hour shifts! Luckily my husband does loads though, can't imagine managing it all on my own.
     
  8. Miss Moonlight

    Miss Moonlight A-List Customer

    I knew I wanted to be a SAHM before I had kids. I wasn't sure how it would happen, as I've worked since I was 16 and didn't see that stopping. Then years before I had a child, I was told I couldn't, but I still hoped to meet the right man who wanted what I did- an equal relationship where I am the home caretaker and domestic goddess, and he's the breadwinner.

    I ended up on disability (private reasons) long before I had a child. When she came along, it was a surprise to say the least, and being unable to work a job outside the home became a blessing because I could raise her myself. It meant living in poverty, but I already had poor skills from after my parents divorced. She's never wanted for anything, even if it meant I went hungry now and then, or sold my entire vintage wardrobe (acquired prior to being unable to work) to keep our apartment and food in her tummy. Any mother worth the word would do the same.

    After a few years of that, I ended up meeting the best man I've ever known. He's incredible, our wishes for the kind of life we want are compatible, and we have a great life together. He works, is a great provider, and I am the home maker and SAHM. He's become like a dad to my daughter. I could not have asked for better.

    So I am a 'traditional housewife', we're just not married yet. ;) I wouldn't want it any other way (except for the not married yet, that's going to change lol). It's meant I can be with her, and home-school her while she is going through hip surgeries.

    When people ask me what I 'do' I tell them I'm a mom. So far they've all answered that it's an important and very hard job. I'm glad to not have heard any asinine comments- maybe the chest tattoo dissuades them? lol I also like to write 'housewifery' in the space on forms that asks what my employment is. Homemaker and proud of it.
     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2015
    RebeccaMUA likes this.
  9. Delma

    Delma New in Town

    I am a full time homemaker with no children. I enjoy taking care of my husband and providing a low stress environment in which he can come home and relax. I maintain my licensure from my career before marriage in case of emergency. I find that although we have less money our quality of life is greatly improved. It also allows me to volunteer and to care for family members as needed.
     
    Annie B likes this.
  10. Annie B

    Annie B New in Town

    18
    I am right now. I will spend 12 hours or so a week caregiving after I find a new client. I'm working on becoming like the amazing multi-talented women that seem to have been the standard back in the day. Cooking from scratch, knitting/sewing (and having it look good!), farming and canning,etc.
     
  11. Annie B

    Annie B New in Town

    18
    I am for the time being! My husband has started getting a commission at work that kinda-sorta covers what I was making working part time so he let me know if I'd like to hold off on finding a new client I could. <3 I've been studying up on the old ways and techniques. I'm psyched!
     
  12. Annie B

    Annie B New in Town

    18
    I like the cut of your jib,madame! ;-)
     
  13. PrettySquareGal

    PrettySquareGal My Mail is Forwarded Here

    Thank you!
     
  14. Grant Fan

    Grant Fan Practically Family

    I am a housewife, we don't have kids, but I do all of the traditional house wife things. My husband is also in the military so being a house spouce is not at all uncommon with all the moving.
     
  15. RebeccaMUA

    RebeccaMUA One of the Regulars

    I am a semi-homemaker for the time being. My husband and I own a couple of businesses and I work two days out of the week on administrative duties for the businesses. At the moment we do not have any children, but when we start adding to our family, I will stay home 100%. I am a homebody, so it works for me.

    In my youth, I believed that being a housewife wasn't seen as a career. As I have grown and expanded my world view, I now see it is possibly the hardest career anyone could have. As the other ladies have mentioned before, there are no sick days and no paid time off to speak of. It's a 24/7 job and many people depend on you. Having the supportive spouse I have makes it worlds easier, but not "easy" by any stretch of the imagination.

    My mother and father both worked 40+ hours a week from since I can remember until my sister and I were 14 and 16. My mother then took full charge of the house and the duties that came with it and it was THE BEST time of my life. I adore my mother, and the joy of knowing she would come pick us up and have a nice snack waiting for us at home (or maybe we would go get once and all chat about our day) and then come home and do our homework in the pleasant, comforting knowledge that she was there. I wouldn't want anything less for our children and hope that they feel the same way about me as I did (and still do) about my mom.
     
  16. Vera Godfrey

    Vera Godfrey Practically Family

    Here's a question...and please, be honest!

    I recently started to have my children (I have four) make their lunch. Honestly, all they have to do is make their sandwich and get their beverage, as everything else has been prepackaged by me (for example cookies that I made have been put into containers to grab).

    I just got bashed by my MIL for doing this because, as she said, "You don't work so doing that (making lunches) is part of your job. It would be different if you worked."

    Am I wrong for trying to teach my children to be more self sufficient?

    A side note: she stayed at home and did everything for DH (soon to be ex) and as a result he dies *nothing* around the house.
     
  17. You just answered your own question there. It is perfectly find to make your kids pack their own lunch. You're their mother, not their maid. Believe me, their future spouses will thank you.

    You're making them take care of themselves. You're not asking them to do an impossible task or wait on you.

    I grew up with unreasonable chores and expectations. Packing your own lunch, which you get to eat, is not unreasonable.
     
  18. I made my own lunch the entire time I went to school, and I thought that was the normal way to do things. The idea of my mother making my lunch would have horrified me, because, honestly, the poor woman couldn't take baloney out of the package without making a mess of it.
     
  19. Miss Moonlight

    Miss Moonlight A-List Customer

    It's so important to teach children self-sufficiency. And the earlier you start with what they can handle, the better. I think I should say why I feel this way. To me, it's important that it start early so that learning how to get on in the world doesn't feel like a sudden shift. Also, sometimes life takes rough turns. My sister has lupus, and had she not taught her kids to be self-sufficient, her flare ups would leave everything in shambles. Because she taught them, they've been able to take up the chores and take care of the household so that she can survive the flare ups and get up when they're done devastating her, and nothing has built up for her to catch up on.

    My daughter just turned 7 and spent years 4-6 either in a hip cast or recovering from hip surgeries. So at 7, she doesn't do near as much as she could have if I could have started teaching her earlier. Our focus was on getting her well, and now it's a bigger challenge than it should be to get her used to not being waiting on hand and foot. But we take it slow, and over time I hope to gently adjust her. Because of her medical history, she is also still learning to tie shoes, put on clothes by herself, etc. In a hip cast she couldn't do these simple childhood things. She had to learn to use a potty again twice, and now her bladder has to adjust and it's so hard on her, but I hope it makes her stronger after all the healing and recovery is behind us.
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2016

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