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Clean Jokes
- Thread starter jamespowers
- Start date
- Status
- Messages
- 17,582
- Messages
- 17,582
- Messages
- 17,582
GHT
I'll Lock Up
- Messages
- 9,345
- Location
- New Forest
- Messages
- 17,582
On solving the Korean conflict.
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- 17,582
The pie, rabbit & the eyeball?
Don't forget the K2.
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- 17,582
And the dynamite.
GHT
I'll Lock Up
- Messages
- 9,345
- Location
- New Forest
GHT
I'll Lock Up
- Messages
- 9,345
- Location
- New Forest
- Messages
- 11,912
- Location
- Southern California
And the little one-eyed alien in it's bubble-domed UFO.
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- 17,582
- Messages
- 17,582
Last Will & Testament
Mr. Douglas Pender lived his entire life in the Florida Keys & was on his deathbed with the end near. His wife, daughter, two sons & his hospice nurse were all present. Mr. Pender asked for two witnesses to be present & a camcorder be in place to record his last Will & Testament. When everything was ready he began to speak:
"To my son Bernie, I want you to have the Ocean Reef houses."
"To my daughter Sybil, I want you to have the apartment complex between mile markers 100 and Tavernier."
"To my son Jamie, I want you to have the offices in the Marathon Government Center."
"To Sarah, my dear wife, I leave you all the commercial complex on the bay side of Blackwater Sound."
The nurse & two witnesses were blown away as they heard of Mr. Pender's extensive holdings & as he slipped away the nurse said, "Mrs. Pender, your husband must have been a smart & hard-working man to have accumulated all this real estate & property."
To which his wife replied, "The asshole had a paper route!"
Mr. Douglas Pender lived his entire life in the Florida Keys & was on his deathbed with the end near. His wife, daughter, two sons & his hospice nurse were all present. Mr. Pender asked for two witnesses to be present & a camcorder be in place to record his last Will & Testament. When everything was ready he began to speak:
"To my son Bernie, I want you to have the Ocean Reef houses."
"To my daughter Sybil, I want you to have the apartment complex between mile markers 100 and Tavernier."
"To my son Jamie, I want you to have the offices in the Marathon Government Center."
"To Sarah, my dear wife, I leave you all the commercial complex on the bay side of Blackwater Sound."
The nurse & two witnesses were blown away as they heard of Mr. Pender's extensive holdings & as he slipped away the nurse said, "Mrs. Pender, your husband must have been a smart & hard-working man to have accumulated all this real estate & property."
To which his wife replied, "The asshole had a paper route!"
- Messages
- 17,582
- Messages
- 17,582
GHT
I'll Lock Up
- Messages
- 9,345
- Location
- New Forest
An elderly couple were attending their doctor's surgery: The doctor was a kindly man, he would see both of them but only charge for one.
After examining the elderly gent and finding him in good health, he asked if there was anything bothering him.
"Yes doctor," replied the old guy, "it's a little personal, but you are a doctor. When I make love to the missus, I seem to get all hot and sweaty, yet when we do it for a second time, I'm all cold and shivery."
"How strange," mused the doctor, "let me think about it whilst I'm examining your wife."
The doctor found the elderly lady in the same rude health as her husband. He spoke to her about the condition her husband had described, to which she replied:
"He's a silly old fool doctor, take no notice. The first time that he can manage it is in the summer, second time it's Christmas."
"Well that explains it," replied the doctor.
"Explains what?" asked the old guy. Nobody had seen him re-enter the surgery. "Er, nothing," answered the doctor, before saying: "Just to be sure Sir, I would like you to give me a sample of your urine, semen and stules."
"What did he say," said the old fellow," cupping his hand behind his ear. His wife smiled and said:
"Doctor wants your underpants!"
After examining the elderly gent and finding him in good health, he asked if there was anything bothering him.
"Yes doctor," replied the old guy, "it's a little personal, but you are a doctor. When I make love to the missus, I seem to get all hot and sweaty, yet when we do it for a second time, I'm all cold and shivery."
"How strange," mused the doctor, "let me think about it whilst I'm examining your wife."
The doctor found the elderly lady in the same rude health as her husband. He spoke to her about the condition her husband had described, to which she replied:
"He's a silly old fool doctor, take no notice. The first time that he can manage it is in the summer, second time it's Christmas."
"Well that explains it," replied the doctor.
"Explains what?" asked the old guy. Nobody had seen him re-enter the surgery. "Er, nothing," answered the doctor, before saying: "Just to be sure Sir, I would like you to give me a sample of your urine, semen and stules."
"What did he say," said the old fellow," cupping his hand behind his ear. His wife smiled and said:
"Doctor wants your underpants!"
- Messages
- 17,582
- Messages
- 17,582
- Status
