Correct Telephone Habits

[Peter_E]

Looking at that pamphlet reminds me of the old phones themselves ,they were heavy duty,

Still use one. A Stromberg Carlson 1243. Works great, and the bell really freaks out the cats!

 

[Peter_E]

Caller ID took all the fun out of *making* prank calls, but it's added a whole other dimension for messing with people who call *you*.

One night some years ago I had had enough of telemarketers. One called. I asked them to hold a minute while went and I got "me". I put some peanut butter on the receiver and gave it to our dog, who noisily slurped and snuffled the peanut butter off. I would love to know what the telemarketers reaction was. It cracked me up, in a juvenile way, though. Very unsanitary though - not really recommended behavior.

 

[Stray Cat]

Also, it's fun to explain to telemarketers that they can do you a favor...you're stuck here at the house, because of this ankle bracelet, and you're not allowed within 1,000 feet of a school, but you're out of beer and could they pick some up and bring it by. It's also fun to end every sentence with "...in fulfillment of the prophecy".

Will try, sir.
All, just the end the torment when THOSE FOLKS call. :doh:

One night some years ago I had had enough of telemarketers. One called. I asked them to hold a minute while went and I got "me". I put some peanut butter on the receiver and gave it to our dog, who noisily slurped and snuffled the peanut butter off. I would love to know what the telemarketers reaction was. It cracked me up, in a juvenile way, though. Very unsanitary though - not really recommended behavior.

Not very hygienic, is it?

 

[LizzieMaine]

I simply say to telemarketers "I'm sorry, I don't have a phone."

 

[Late to the Party]

Great pamphlets! Thanks.

I have taken to answering telemarketer calls with my classic chimpanzee impression.

 

[Edward]

Caller ID took all the fun out of *making* prank calls, but it's added a whole other dimension for messing with people who call *you*.

One, you can answer the phone in Spanish. Also, it's fun to explain to telemarketers that they can do you a favor...you're stuck here at the house, because of this ankle bracelet, and you're not allowed within 1,000 feet of a school, but you're out of beer and could they pick some up and bring it by. It's also fun to end every sentence with "...in fulfillment of the prophecy".

Not the kind of phone manners you'd find on a pamphlet, I know.

Ha! Good stuff. My dad's latest wheeze is to say "certainly, just let me put you on hold for a moment...", and then he puts the phone on the desk beside him, and lets them wait... (a variation on this might be to make some comments 'off-phone' while they are 'on hold'. "Hail Satan, to thee we sacrifice this child", or some such...). They never stay on for more than about twenty seconds after that.

A great one from a friend's mother - "Well, I'd love to her about your double-glazing, but first let me tell you about my Jesus....". Never fails to have them hang up the phone immediately. I'm always tempted to improve about Cthulu, myself.

Once on the phone, a telco rep was speaking to me about my account. Filling time while waiting for a system search, he picked up on my accent (the call centre was in Belfast). "Is that a Northern Ireland accent I can hear, Mr. Marlowe?" "Aye," said I, "you can run, but you can't hide, eh?". Split second of silence, then.... "..right you are..." and a hasty subject change. lol

Still use one. A Stromberg Carlson 1243. Works great, and the bell really freaks out the cats!

View attachment 3198

Ha! Mine just give me a one-eye-opened glare of monumental disapproval at any phone noise, and go back to sleep...

One night some years ago I had had enough of telemarketers. One called. I asked them to hold a minute while went and I got "me". I put some peanut butter on the receiver and gave it to our dog, who noisily slurped and snuffled the peanut butter off. I would love to know what the telemarketers reaction was. It cracked me up, in a juvenile way, though. Very unsanitary though - not really recommended behavior.

Ha! Fabulous.

I simply say to telemarketers "I'm sorry, I don't have a phone."

Great pamphlets! Thanks.

I have taken to answering telemarketer calls with my classic chimpanzee impression.

Priceless! I have learned much in this thread... <evil laugh to fade>

 

[John in Covina]

When leaving a message on "Voice Mail" or a message machine always mumble or slur your words, try to be indistinct, do not speak slowly or clearly , do not enunciate the words. Also when leaving a phone number or email address speak as quickly as possible and never ever repeat the information. Have food or gum in your mouth while speaking and keep the mouth piece far from your mouth to reduce the quality of the recording.

 

[Stray Cat]

I simply say to telemarketers "I'm sorry, I don't have a phone."

My usual one is: I put my hair drier on.. I know it's not polite, but they are being impossible to get rid of.
I sometimes try to behave:
"Let me just take a moment of your time"
"No" *sight*
"But, this will be a greatest offer.."
With the agony in my voice "Since I know this is being recorded I'll simply let you speak the line and hang up"
I remove myself from the phone, letting the caller blah-blah about the "new product line", when he/she is done I politely ask "Are you done?"
"Now, let me interest you in.."
*sight* "I said NO.. but thank you for waisting my precious moment. Goodbye" *hanging up*
(this is done only when I'm in a great mood - I usually just do the hair dryer maneuver)

 

[Stray Cat]

When leaving a message on "Voice Mail" or a message machine always mumble or slur your words, try to be indistinct, do not speak slowly or clearly , do not enunciate the words. Also when leaving a phone number or email address speak as quickly as possible and never ever repeat the information. Have food or gum in your mouth whiles speaking and keep the mouth piece far from your mouth to reduce the quality of the recording.

I admit it:
I have a problem with voice mail.
When ever I hear I'm "being transfered" - I hang up. I just dislike the whole idea.
I prefer just calling later. [huh]

 

[John in Covina]

When leaving voice mail spend a lot of time describing what the problem is so there is no time to give the "call me back at #" information.

 

[vitanola]

I simply say to telemarketers "I'm sorry, I don't have a phone."

Once again, Miss Maine, you demonstrate just how much more clever are you than the rest of us.
Good show!

When at home, I place the receiver right up to the mouthpiece of the transmitter and after a moment's ear-splitting squeal firmly advise to caller to "Ring Off".

 

[Edward]

I admit it:
I have a problem with voice mail.
When ever I hear I'm "being transfered" - I hang up. I just dislike the whole idea.
I prefer just calling later. [huh]

I do the same. 99% of my social calls are to a mobile, so my number registers. Waste of time leaving a message. Anything urgent I prefer to text. I also refuse to use voicemail on mobile, at home, or at work myself. If it is impoortant, they'll call back.

 

[fashion frank]

Last time someone called here taking a survey, my Jack Russell terrier was on my lap playing with a chew toy and if I
moved even a hair he would start growling really mean sounding , so as the poor woman is asking me questions I give
her the" can you hold on for just a second " , I then move a little ( all on speaker phone ) and all she can hear is the dog
growling and me telling her " hold on a second the dog has me by the leg " and I 'm making all kinds of hurt sounds and
she's on the other end going " sir ,sir are you alright , do you want me to call someone " you had to be there it was so
damm funny .

I kept it up for a good ten minute's till she finished .

I bet she had a great story to tell when she got home that night

All the Best ,Fashion Frank

 

[Stray Cat]

I do the same. 99% of my social calls are to a mobile, so my number registers. Waste of time leaving a message. Anything urgent I prefer to text. I also refuse to use voicemail on mobile, at home, or at work myself. If it is impoortant, they'll call back.

Exactly. :nod:

" hold on a second the dog has me by the leg "

Frank,
I had a good laugh here ..

 

[John in Covina]

A friend used to simply say to the telemarketers: "I'm so poor I can't even pay attention."

 

[Zombie_61]

My mother has the most incorrect telphone habit I've ever heard. She answers every call with "Yeah, whadda YOU want?"

Back in the mid-80s I was at work on a particularly slow morning at the tire shop, and was engaged in casual conversation with the crew (including the manager) when the phone rang. Forgetting where he was, the manager (who was a real character) answered the phone by yelling, "Yeah, what do YOU want?" Suddenly realizing what he had just done, he listened to the caller's response with a horrified look on his face, then said, "No, you got the wrong number," and hung up. When the phone rang again a few moments later the manager, in the most professional baritone voice he could manage, said, "Daniels Tire Service, how may I help you?" The caller, who was a friend, simply replied, "I knew it was you the whole time, you moron." lol

...I have taken to answering telemarketer calls with my classic chimpanzee impression.

I find the classic Tarzan yell also works quite well as long as you hang up immediately afterward.

Years ago I answered the phone to find a telemarketer at the other end. After politely listening to the young lady's opening sales pitch, I politely responded, "No matter what you say, I'm not going to buy anything from you." After a moment of silence I added, "Ha! I bet you don't have a response to that on your little conversation cheat sheet, do you?" Having to admit she'd been "caught in the act" she laughed, replied, "No, I don't," and we said our goodbyes.

 

[Stray Cat]

"No matter what you say, I'm not going to buy anything from you."

THIS one I simply must try out the next time they call (since I know there will be a next time)

A great habit:
When you dial a number, as soon as you hear a "Hello", say "It's me.." and start talking.
...never, ever let the poor thing on the other side ask you WHO is it. :doh:

 

[GHT]

In the UK, you can have, what is known as, ex-directory. It means that your number isn't in the book, or open to the public. Advertisers seem to be able to bypass this somehow, either that, or their automated call system tells them that a random number dialled, is in fact, live. I have the ex-directory facility, I don't get annoying canvassing calls. I wonder if it's because, in my retro kitchen, the phone is over sixty years old, it just doesn't have the technology needed by these tele-canvassers, to get through? Yay! Let's hear it for vintage.

 

[Stanley Doble]

I think they generate random phone numbers until they call every possible combination. Ex directory won't help.

 

[Zombie_61]

THIS one I simply must try out the next time they call (since I know there will be a next time)

For me it's worked most of the time; the smart and/or experienced telemarketers will simply end the call. For those that don't, I just hang up on them while they're trying to convince me that I need whatever it is they're trying to sell.

In the UK, you can have, what is known as, ex-directory...

Here in the U.S. they instituted what is known as a "Do not call" list several years ago, the intent being that telemarketers are not supposed to call any telephone numbers on the list. Completely voluntary, but everyone I know submitted their phone numbers. I swear we get more calls now than before the list was created. lol