The Wifely Duties

[Lena_Horne]

Well this evening on Colbert Report they had a very interesting guest on, Caitlin Flanagan, who supports a return to a time when men and women's roles were well-defined. The man was the bread-winner and the woman was the homemaker. I agreed with ninety-five percent of what she said (the part about being so dependent upon your husband that you stuck out a terribly corrupt marriage kind of rubbed me the wrong way but at the same time I couldn't reconcile it with my usual ideal and come up with an answer.) So I searched her out on the internet, found this article from The Atlantic Monthly and thought to myself, what a wonderful topic for discussion on Fedora Lounge.

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/prem/200301/flanagan

L_H

 

[Marc Chevalier]

From that article:

"Have you ever noticed that although you might not have been thinking sexual thoughts or feeling particularly sexy, if you push yourself to 'get started' when your spouse approaches you, it feels good, and you find yourself getting into it?"

Absolutely, positively true.


.

 

[Lena_Horne]

Darn it. I realized my article (after a certain point) is only available to subscribers, which I refuse to be. So I found another one:

http://www.elle.com/article.asp?section_id=37&article_id=8556&page_number=1

WHO'S THE FAIREST WIFE OF ALL?

CAITLIN FLANAGAN IS A THOROUGHLY MODERN WOMAN WHO—what have we here?—SEEMS TO THINK THAT A MOTHER'S PLACE, AT LEAST, IS IN THE HOME. BY LAURIE ABRAHAM

---

L_H

 

[Nick Charles]

I'd be all for it, but who can actually have a house, 2 cars, kids and only one income???? Heck I stay home and let my wife win the money.:eusa_clap

 

[AtomicBlonde]

As a rather staunch conservative.... especially when it comes to families and traditional gender roles, I thought that article was an interesting read. I have a few books that I would suggest reading if you're interested in such things:
"There's no place like work: how business, government, and our obsession with work have driven parents from home." By Brian C. Robertson and "Daycare Deception: what the childcare establishment isnt telling us" also by Brian C. Robertson. Then also, "Women Who Make the World Worse: and How Their Radical Feminist Assault Is Ruining Our Schools, Families, Military, and Sports" by Kate O'Beirne, who is a really great conservative writer. O'Beirne uses The Daycare Deception book as a resource in a couple chapters, and I think that one is certainly well worth reading.
If I had any doubts about staying home with my children before I read that book, they're gone now.
If you get a chance to pick one or more of those up from your library, I would. Or, you could be a complete looser like me and join the conservative book club. :eusa_doh:
-Jess

 

[Feraud]

If a married couple could afford to keep the wife at home would she be "Lucy Riccardo" or a "real housewife"?
lol
Do the ladies want to be home all day darning socks and preparing supper for the husband? Or, in a more realisitic sense, are today's homemakers busy with their own interests?

 

[mysterygal]

being a housewife myself, I love my life. I get to be fully involved with my children and yes, when the mister comes home, there is a fully cooked meal set out on the table and the house and kids are clean. It is a shame that there is such negativity on being a stay at home mom. For me, I am way more than just a mother of three, or someone who takes care of a house. I have my own interests and hobbies which I pursue and find time to do what I absolutely love and that's counseling.

 

[Marc Chevalier]

Any housewife will tell you that it's hard work. That doesn't mean that it isn't boring at times, or that all women are cut out for it. It just means that tending a home and family requires you to plan, adapt, execute, repair, cancel and/or repeat a multitude of tasks in and out of the home.

We should live in a world where those who want to be homemakers can be so ... and those who prefer another path can be free to take it.

 

[Feraud]

We should live in a world where those who want to be homemakers can be so ... and those who prefer another path can be free to take it.

I totally agree! I do not think being a housewife is awful at all. I think they get bad press.

 

[VintageJess]

Yes, it IS possible, and I love every minute of it.

First of all, let me just start off by saying that it is possible to have a nice house, two cars, and living pretty comfortably on one salary. My husband and I do it, and on a military (officer) salary and living in expensive Northern Virginia to boot!

Our cars are used--but they are safe and attractive. Our home is very nice and comfortable with a huge backyard for our son to play in. We don't live extravagantly, but we still have enough to enjoy our hobbies and extras like vacations. We budget and spend our money wisely. We found it was pretty easy to adjust to one income, simply because we seem to save a lot by me being home--more time to shop and find bargains, I cook more and we eat out less, less money going to my work clothes and gas, etc.

As for being a stay at home housewife and mom--I love every minute of it. I was a highly educated, big time career gal before I got married and had my son. (I got pregnant on my honeymoon and quit work shortly thereafter.) I don't think I could EVER imagine leaving my son with someone else. I am selfish--I wanted to be the one to hear his first word, see his first step and first smile. The two of us have an amazing bond and it is worth all the money in the world. I know that everyday I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. I couldn't be mroe fulfilled. I firmly believe that young children need their mothers and I am there for my son, everyday, in every way. And my husband comes home to a hot cooked meal and a clean and organized house. It's just what works for us.

As a side note--I'm not sure if anyone else has observed this, but I've noticed that there tends to be a lot of stay at home wives and mothers in military life. I'm sure a lot of it is simply out of necessity--frequent moves, long deployments, schools, make it hard to the spouse to build a career. But I'm also wondering if it could be because military families tend to be more conservative leaning politically and socially. (At least that is my experience and observation as a Marine Corps spouse.) I used to say that living at Camp Lejeune, NC in company grade officer housing was like a time warp back to the fifties. All the kids played outside in the alleys together. Most of the moms were home during the day, and you knew everyone was looking out for everyone else's kids. You felt safe letting them run around outside.

Jessica

 

[BettyValentine]

The Fedora Lounge is awesome because I get wonderful exposure to viewpoints that I almost never see or hear about in my normal haunts (online or RL). For example, before today I had never, ever, ever met anyone who did not hate Caitlin Flanagan with the burning fury of a thousand suns.

I like to think that I am more poised than my friend who literally spat on the ground like my Italian grandmother whenever she said Ms. Flanagan's name, but my loathing of that woman's writing is no less than hers. I just don't approve of spitting in public.

I have great respect for housewives who want to be housewives. I have no respect at all for women of any stripe who want to force everyone in the world into whichever mold they happen to prefer. As for Ms. Flanagan... well, it is natural to feel that one's own choices are the superior choices, but such superiority complexes are unseemly and should be kept to the privacy of one's diary. Soapboxes are undignified, especially soapboxes that disparage other people and their chosen lifestyles.

BV

 

[Marc Chevalier]

Here's a question, VintageJess: Do you think you'll be a stay-at-home mom until your child is grown-up and leaves the home?

 

[Marc Chevalier]

I have great respect for housewives who want to be housewives. I have no respect at all for women of any stripe who want to force everyone in the world into whichever mold they happen to prefer.

Agreed. I don't think that no women should be homemakers/mothers, as long as there are women who want to be. I also don't think that no women should stay in their careers, as long as there are women who want to stay.

 

[Andykev]

My wife works a LOT harder than I do by being at home

I think the "stay at home" mom is vital...when there are children in the house. Aren't they our best investment..in the future, and your happiness? I have seen FAR too many homes, broken homes, where the parents are more into their things ..than the kids.

Your value is not in how big a house or fancy a car you drive, it's in your FAMILY. Home-Church-School-Work....in that order! That is what is lacking today...too materalistic. I live within my means, and my wife hasn't worked in the past 10 years...and our boy is now 14. THAT is a full time job, don't you doubt it!!!

Once a husband complained that his stay at home wife didn't "do anything" and he was tired of always going to work, weekend chores..blah blah blah.

He comes home from work one day, and the house is a wreck! Beds unmaid, no dinner, laundry piled up, toys all over the floor, the sink full of dishes...

Husband yells "WHAT HAPPENED"?

She says "Honey, all the things you say I never do, well today I didn't do them":eusa_clap

 

[Marc Chevalier]

Andykev, I'll ask you the same question I asked VintageJess:

Does your wife intend to be a stay-at-home mom until your child is grown-up and leaves the home?

 

[Feraud]

I think the biggest problem for women is the choice to raise children and work full or part time!
A few months ago I read a very good article that described the obstacles women go through when they choose to work and raise a family. The article described the lack of enthusiasm on behalf of corporations toward their female employees. Corporations appear to not consider a family woman as "dedicated" as their male employees.

The women described the obstacles they encountered when returning to prior positions of responsibility and salary. They described feeling "lost" and "out of the loop" when returning to a company after a period of time spent raising children. It was a very interesting article.

I have an immense amount of respect for the working woman who has a family. They do at least double the work of a guy working 9 to 5 who comes home to find supper, clean laundry, and a good children!

 

[Andykev]

I am a lucky guy

"Andykev, I'll ask you the same question I asked VintageJess:

Does your wife intend to be a stay-at-home mom until your child is grown-up and leaves the home?"


Well, to be blunt. yes. We don't need the money. Why else would my wife go back to work? She goes to the club every day, runs, and enjoys our dogs. We are almost retired, I will in two years. So ask someone else that question..we are set for life, not, no way, rich. I have been very careful, and smart. We are comfortable, and we really enjoy the simple life. And I still own my airplane. But the answer is NO.

 

[scotrace]

Why is that such a key question, Marc?

Mine stopped working at the discovery of pregnancy. She did no work outside home until both were well and fully in school all day, and now has her own successful home-based business.

And yes, this arrangement will probably continue until the children are in college.

 

[Marc Chevalier]

Well, to be blunt. yes. ... But the answer is NO.

Yikes -- this confused me. Is the answer "yes" or is it "no"?

 

[Marc Chevalier]

Why is that such a key question, Marc?

Not really a key question, just something I'm curious about. When women say that they're "stay-at-home moms" to younger children, do they intend to continue being stay-at-home moms or not? I don't often hear this question posed or answered.