All You Need to Know About Hat Etiquette

kaosharper1 · May 17, 2010

danofarlington said:
Exactly my point. Once I offered my subway seat to a young woman, just because she was a woman. She got all embarrassed and declined. So I stopped offering seats to women in that old-fashioned way, because it's not expected anymore and it just doesn't register. I'm afraid that a man in a vintage hat going around tipping it to the ladies would be viewed as living in a pretend world.

Oddly, most ladies seem to appreciate having doors opened for them and waiting for them to enter elevators first.

I have noticed that ladies in my age group (50s and up) do tend to appreciate being offered a seat.

Hat tipping is definitely considered an affection by all age groups.

Feraud · May 17, 2010

danofarlington said:
Exactly my point. Once I offered my subway seat to a young woman, just because she was a woman. She got all embarrassed and declined. So I stopped offering seats to women in that old-fashioned way, because it's not expected anymore and it just doesn't register.

Don't let one embarrassed young lady stop you from doing a useful (unlike hat tipping..) and appreciated gesture.
There are plenty of older women and men who could use and appreciate a subway seat after a day's work.

Puzzicato · May 17, 2010

danofarlington said:
Exactly my point. Once I offered my subway seat to a young woman, just because she was a woman. She got all embarrassed and declined. So I stopped offering seats to women in that old-fashioned way, because it's not expected anymore and it just doesn't register. I'm afraid that a man in a vintage hat going around tipping it to the ladies would be viewed as living in a pretend world.

The trouble is that in this day and age young women generally only get offered seats if they are pregnant. So you may have sent the poor lass into a panic over the size of her tummy. Good manners are fraught with difficulty.

mwelch8404 · May 17, 2010

Always: Colors/National Anthem

CircuitRider · May 17, 2010

Tiller said:
Some people believe we live in a "pretend world", because we wear hats, and some of us hats and suits. Many have heard the insults "Who do you think you are? Indiana Jones/Eliot Ness/ Al Capone/ A pimp/ gangster". If I was afraid of being different from the norms of the modern age, I wouldn't wear a hat or suit in the fist place.

Craig got it right!!!:eusa_clap

danofarlington · May 17, 2010

Puzzicato said:
The trouble is that in this day and age young women generally only get offered seats if they are pregnant. So you may have sent the poor lass into a panic over the size of her tummy. Good manners are fraught with difficulty.

Nah, she just acted like the offer was really weird, and perhaps creepy to boot. Creepy was not my intention, so I decided the whole thing wasn't worth the risk anymore. I just wanted to see how it would feel to offer anyway, being curious, since I see no one else do it. I think the overriding concern of young women now is to be "one of the guys" rather than set apart as delicate flowers on a pedestal to be pampered but also patronized.

johnnycanuck · May 17, 2010

1. Unless it is someone's house or business (Mom and Pop shop) I do not take my hat off.
2. Welcome to the 21st century. There are no rules just a personal compass that guides you threw your life. Be it wearing your hat at the dinner table, swearing in front of senior citizens, or spitting on side walk. Everyone adheres to there own rules. If you break them, no one usually cares but you.
3. If she is a teller I will remove my hat in front of her. I will tip my hat to a lady on the street "IF" I catch her eye. Apart from that a head nod usually works for me.
4. If you spend some time reading the lounge on this subject you will find everyone has there own Rules they follow. What that means is, anything goes. As far as I am concerned, do what you want to do. If it is not hurting anybody, just let it be. Remember judge not lest ye be judged yourself.

I find I am going by more Cowboy rules as time goes on. Never take my hat off unless I am eating or sleeping.

Now offering seats on the bus. From personal experience I only offer my seat to those that may NEED it more them myself. Men or women, young or old.

Johnny

Oh and remember never tip you hat to another man. Its like calling him a woman.

Feraud · May 17, 2010

danofarlington said:
I think the overriding concern of young women now is to be "one of the guys" rather than set apart as delicate flowers on a pedestal to be pampered but also patronized.

If true could you blame 'em!? lol

I think your encounter was a rare one. Most people appreciate being offered a seat. Don't get insulted if someone declines. It is their right to stand if they choose to.

Mr E Train · May 17, 2010

danofarlington said:
Nah, she just acted like the offer was really weird, and perhaps creepy to boot. Creepy was not my intention, so I decided the whole thing wasn't worth the risk anymore. I just wanted to see how it would feel to offer anyway, being curious, since I see no one else do it. I think the overriding concern of young women now is to be "one of the guys" rather than set apart as delicate flowers on a pedestal to be pampered but also patronized.

I get the same reaction when I offer a seat to a young lady. Maybe that's because when I ask them if they want a seat, I don't stand up, I just sit there pointing at my lap.

TexArchStudent · May 17, 2010

Wolfwood said:
4. Hat etiquette is dependent on local customs. I think in places like Texas it is perfectly ok to wear a hat in a restaurant, while in other places wearing a baseball cap or a hat will earn you certain sorts of looks. Again we should remember that the world is a big place and customs and etiquette is different in different places.

Actually, here in Texas, you don't see many people eating with their hats on. Most of the men who wear cowboy hats are very polite in all aspects, their mothers wouldn't let them be any other way.

As for the questionnaire:
I try and remove my hat whenever I stop and talk to someone, or when I'm about to. This includes the bank, post office, whatever. This doesn't include when a store clerk just asks if I need help.

If, however, my hands are full then I forgo removing my hat.

As for breaking the rules, anytime you feel crass, go for it.

johnnycanuck · May 17, 2010

Mr E Train

Dirty old man.

donnc · May 17, 2010

johnnycanuck said:
2. Welcome to the 21st century. There are no rules just a personal compass that guides you threw your life. Be it wearing your hat at the dinner table, swearing in front of senior citizens, or spitting on side walk. Everyone adheres to there own rules. If you break them, no one usually cares but you.

Very true. I wouldn't be too concerned about swearing in front of my neighbor the senior citizen (but wouldn't take it too far, he could probably punch me out!) Anyone who needs a rule book for this kind of thing is going to have a confusing time sorting it all out.

The only caveat is that, if we adhere to our own rules, we also form expectations based on our own rules. If you're doing something that strikes me as crass, that's how it is - I don't know your view of the matter, and if I did, I really couldn't promise that I would care. It's like democracy, though much older - each of us gets a vote, but no one counts them, we just know by observation, and act by skill.

We're a herd animal. I never thought until this moment that I would defend that notion, because I am more commonly appalled by its negative consequences, but as long as we are just talking about sensitivity to the styles and values of our society, well ... no point in pretending otherwise, and I suspect there is something very healthy in it for us, a link between respect and courtesy perhaps that makes life a little better in places where people are more attentive to such things.

But back to the hat rules - my special provision that I haven't seen mentioned yet, often I wear a hat on stage as part of an informal costume, and also spend some time during the evening hanging around off stage (often much more time than I would like!) I leave my hat on the whole time, as I will in any case be effectively "in costume" and dressed differently than patrons. If I go next door, where I'm just a somewhat eccentrically dressed patron, I may remove the hat under otherwise similar circumstances. That distinction, between a costume and "civilian apparel", might actually apply to some here, don't know - I mean, if the hat is a sort of subtle Indiana Jones alternative to dressing like a pirate or something, then maybe it's part of a costume and may as well be left on.

markapsolon · May 18, 2010

I corrected the spelling so the grammar nazis can go home..lol I was typing this late last night and I debated if I should post it in the current form or not..lol

Interesting responses so far. I think we have a libertarian among us with one of the response

Another question I should also ask refers to movies and concerts. Do you feel that wearing a hat in the lobby is okay or not?

To the ladies I included you in first part about removing hats indoors because I did not want to make it exclusive to only men. I know I woman does not have to removed her hat according to the old etiquette rules but do you feel like she should in certain circumstances.

danofarlington · May 18, 2010

markapsolon said:
I
Another question I should also ask refers to movies and concerts. Do you feel that wearing a hat in the lobby is okay or not?

Definitely wear it in the lobby. A hat is to wear around, and a concert is an event. No point to have a hat if you're not wearing it.

markapsolon · May 18, 2010

danofarlington said:
Definitely wear it in the lobby. A hat is to wear around, and a concert is an event. No point to have a hat if you're not wearing it.

lol I know this may sound funny but I was asked to remove my hat in the lobby before a concert

I did as I was told and also apologized. I thought I was being a brute but I think it maybe a southern thing because another gentleman with a hat was also asked to remove his hat in the lobby too.

TexArchStudent · May 18, 2010

markapsolon said:
lol I know this may sound funny but I was asked to remove my hat in the lobby before a concert I did as I was told and also apologized. I thought I was being a brute but I think it maybe a southern thing because another gentleman with a hat was also asked to remove his hat in the lobby too.

Traditionally lobbies are the great social spaces, which to me would mean hat off. I would guess, however, that being asked to remove your hat had as much or more to do with facial capture on security cameras.

Puzzicato · May 18, 2010

markapsolon said:
To the ladies I included you in first part about removing hats indoors because I did not want to make it exclusive to only men. I know I woman does not have to removed her hat according to the old etiquette rules but do you feel like she should in certain circumstances.

Depends on the hat! If it is one of my warm winter hats, it comes off when my gloves come off. If it is a wide-brimmed sun hat it comes off when I go indoors because it puts my face in too much of a shadow. But if it is my Ascot pillbox, that thing is stuck on with so many pins it is NOT coming off until bed time!

Wolfwood · May 18, 2010

TexArchStudent said:
Actually, here in Texas, you don't see many people eating with their hats on. Most of the men who wear cowboy hats are very polite in all aspects, their mothers wouldn't let them be any other way.

Sorry about that - it was a guess of someone who's never been to Texas, but has seen way too many westerns...

markapsolon · May 25, 2010

Thanks for the input on this guys. It certainly helps to get others input

enigmata-wood · Jul 18, 2010

driving ettiquette

when out driving or cycling I have found simply touching the brim with a slight nod, as though 'tugging ones forelock' is received as a polite gesture of thanks -for being let in to traffic for example- and much safer than taking ones hand off the steering.

All You Need to Know About Hat Etiquette

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