Confidence in dressing vintage

baby_butterfly · Aug 12, 2010

So I was talking to a friend about vintage clothing yesterday

eusa_doh: Ok 2am this morning but still) and she said she would have to confidence to wear vintage clothing. If she did, she would, but she didnt want to stand out. I was wondering if this was, mainly, a teenage thing? Also I wanted to ask what tips I could give her, to devlop more confidence to wear vintage. I wanna vintage buddy!!

Kate O Potato · Aug 12, 2010

baby_butterfly said:
So I was talking to a friend about vintage clothing yesterday eusa_doh: Ok 2am this morning but still) and she said she would have to confidence to wear vintage clothing. If she did, she would, but she didnt want to stand out. I was wondering if this was, mainly, a teenage thing? Also I wanted to ask what tips I could give her, to devlop more confidence to wear vintage. I wanna vintage buddy!!

That sounds odd, usually teenagers are desperate to stand out! However, most of the ones I teach go entirely the wrong way about it and become 'different' in a completely unindividual way (eg, emos, goths etc).

Could you try lending something, maybe encouraging her to mix in a vintage piece with her everyday modern clothing? The 50s look is probably a good place to start; there are such feminine and fun styles which a lot of people still like today. I had a class of 13 year olds go mad over a Vivien of Holloway dress I wore into school a few weeks ago.

Other than that, a bit of gentle encouragement is fine, but it's her decision how to dress. As she gets older she'll probably become a lot more comfortable with who she is and dress as herself.

Hope this helps!

Kiri · Aug 12, 2010

I'm not sure what you could tell her or any tips to give her. It's really a choice only yourself can make. I didn't wear vintage outside my home for the longest time, then finally I just decided to do it. Yes you get attention and people stare at you, people may even giggle or whisper, but if it's what you love to wear and it's your own choice, than it doesn't really matter what other people think. I wear it because I love it, the attention, while it still embarasses me occasionally, now just amuses me more than anything else. I have to try not to laugh as people look at me with a confused expression.

I suppose what I'm trying to say, is in my opinion, there's not much you can do, she has to make the choice to do it. Prompting won't do anything.

Kiri · Aug 12, 2010

Oh, and I'm 16 if it helps.

baby_butterfly · Aug 13, 2010

Kate O Potato said:
That sounds odd, usually teenagers are desperate to stand out! However, most of the ones I teach go entirely the wrong way about it and become 'different' in a completely unindividual way (eg, emos, goths etc).

Could you try lending something, maybe encouraging her to mix in a vintage piece with her everyday modern clothing? The 50s look is probably a good place to start; there are such feminine and fun styles which a lot of people still like today. I had a class of 13 year olds go mad over a Vivien of Holloway dress I wore into school a few weeks ago.

Other than that, a bit of gentle encouragement is fine, but it's her decision how to dress. As she gets older she'll probably become a lot more comfortable with who she is and dress as herself.

Hope this helps!

Shes rather quiet and very very pretty so most of the time she recives alot of attention, most of it is..ahem..unwanted. I think that is why she dosent really like to stand out anymore than she does.

Lending something is a great idea I might try it!

Miss Moonlight · Aug 13, 2010

Kate O Potato said:
That sounds odd, usually teenagers are desperate to stand out! However, most of the ones I teach go entirely the wrong way about it and become 'different' in a completely unindividual way (eg, emos, goths etc).

First of all, that comment about emos and goths is in reality unwarranted. Just because something looks the same to someone on the outside doesn't mean a thing about what it is within the subculture. Plenty of people could look at the vintage dresser and think the same in comparison to every other vintage dresser. There is plenty of individuality within various subcultures, but to someone not in it, it might not appear so.

Second, when I was a teenager, I always looked different compared to most- in fact, I was involved in what people now call goth. I wore what I wore because I loved it- be it Victorian inspired, 60s inspired, or Golden Era inspired, but I never liked most of the attention it got. I knew it might happen and accepted this, and it often did happen, but I was painfully shy and didn't like the attention or standing out and I thought it was ridiculous that people cared so much about what someone else wore or looked like. I feel the same now, after being in dark subcultures for 25 years. And that people see someone and blanket judge them based on their personal perception instead of what that person might actually be like.

So, Baby Butterfly, maybe this is something you just need to let your friend have for now- her decision to not stand out and get more attention than she already does. When she decides she doesn't mind 'standing out' you will probably be the first person she'd go to. Probably not the answer you want, but coming from someone who, from the sound of it, was in a similar situation but for the doing it anyway.

Think how you'd feel is someone were pushing you to change because they want it, and imagine how you'd rather be treated.

Kate O Potato · Aug 13, 2010

Miss Moonlight said:
First of all, I don't know if you intended to, but that comment about emos and goths is insulting. Just because something looks the same to someone on the outside doesn't mean a thing about what it is within the subculture. Plenty of people could look at the vintage dresser and think the same. There is plenty of individuality within various subcultures, but to someone not in it, it might not appear so.

Sorry to cause any offence, I hadn't meant to. However, whilst I concede that within a subculture, there can be variety, within friendship groups of teenagers who are within that subculture (say, at the schools I've taught) they generally dress and style themselves the same. In wanting to be different, they see those around them who are 'different' and take inspiration from that. And in a small town, they inevitably go to the same shops and share music between themselves. Ergo, ending up being pretty similar.

ZombieGirl · Aug 13, 2010

Hope it's OK if I chime in on this one...

I always am at least a little amused when some groups (and I'm talking about an individual group of people, not the entire sub-culture itself) pride themselves on their con-conformity to the point of looking down their noses at everyone else when they are all in fact conforming. There are very few "truly" non-conformist people out there in my opinion. And I don't think it's a bad thing. Most of us just want to belong somewhere, even if the group we seek out is a little smaller than the other ones.

Drappa · Aug 13, 2010

ZombieGirl said:
Hope it's OK if I chime in on this one...

I always am at least a little amused when some groups (and I'm talking about an individual group of people, not the entire sub-culture itself) pride themselves on their con-conformity to the point of looking down their noses at everyone else when they are all in fact conforming. There are very few "truly" non-conformist people out there in my opinion. And I don't think it's a bad thing. Most of us just want to belong somewhere, even if the group we seek out is a little smaller than the other ones.

Great post, and I totally agree.

Amy Jeanne · Aug 13, 2010

Yes, you need confidence and you need to look like you BELONG in your clothes. If not, it can look like a costume. It may just be a teenage thing -- I'm 35 and past caring what others think of me.

Also, your friend should just wear what she likes. She needs to experiment and find it on her own -- she shouldn't dive into full vintage head on if she isn't comfortable in it. Suggest vintage accessories first. It took me 12 years to get where I am now. Little by little I acquired hair, makeup, and dressmaking skills.

Learning about the era and the sociology and history of it is also a HUGE factor in the "vintage confidence" thing.

CherryWry · Aug 13, 2010

I agree with Amy Jeanne that your friend will be more comfortable if she wears what she likes. That can help figure out a good entry point into vintage, if that's an avenue she's truly interested in...for example, if she likes cute little handbags, you could help her find some bags that have details similar to things she currently has. Or if there's a color that looks great on her, finding pieces in that color so that the vintage she's introducing into her wardrobe fits with decisions she's already made about what she likes. I hope that makes sense.

Makeup and hair can be the easiest ways to start experimenting with vintage looks since you can wash them off/out at the end of the day.

Chefvive · Aug 13, 2010

I was like your friend when I was in HS....so shy and insecure about being a "sore thumb". Its taken me till now (I'm turning 28 soon) to truly have the confidence to wear what I want and not care what people think about it! Everyone has their own pace in life. I loved the other posts suggesting adding a few vintage pieces into a modern wardrobe! She can't say no to that, its VERY "in" right now! =}

Miss Peach · Aug 13, 2010

I think that even just encouraging research and letting her temper it herself might be a good thing. I've always had a penchant for this stuff, but it was in seeing and learning and researching and finding a piece that I thought "I HAVE TO WEAR THAT NO MATTER WHAT" that got me rolling into the confidence.

Personal discovery (sometimes helped by information and encouragement from others but never pressure, of course) can really foster a lifestyle. Not much else can.

ZombieGirl · Aug 13, 2010

Maybe the simplest bit of advice should be to introduce her to the Fedora Lounge if she's not already a member. At the very least she'll meet a community of positive, supportive people. Plus most of the beauty and fashion advice here can be applied to almost any style!

velvetongue · Aug 13, 2010

Maybe you can watch some films with her to see what styles/eras she might like. Try a broad range from the 40s, 50s, 60s, 80s, etc, and see if she likes any styles from a particular era.

I live in NYC and it's fairly easy to blend in here. Everyone looks atypical in some way, and it doesn't matter so much what people think because it is so diverse. I do get comments in the street (both negative and positive), but it's mainly because of my 3/4 sleeve tattoo.

It comes down to being comfortable in your own skin, and then being comfortable in the clothes you are wearing. It should look like you are wearing the clothes, not the other way around -- or it will look like a costume.

Amy · Aug 13, 2010

Yes, you need confidence and you need to look like you BELONG in your clothes. If not, it can look like a costume.

ABOLUTELY. IN fact, I think this applies to anything you wear. You can always tell when someone's self-concious, and it will do nothing for them. You should always wear what you feel comfortable in. And not just traditionally comfortable. I feel most comfortable in heels that would make a drag-queen's eyes water, even though they hurt like hell!

Amy · Aug 13, 2010

Maybe the simplest bit of advice should be to introduce her to the Fedora Lounge if she's not already a member. At the very least she'll meet a community of positive, supportive people. Plus most of the beauty and fashion advice here can be applied to almost any style!

Here, here. Well said!

i_am_the_scruff · Aug 13, 2010

Those who don't conform conform to the non conformists.

baby_butterfly · Aug 14, 2010

Sorry I didnt mean to make myself sound like a really pushy friend. I can assure you im not I jsut wanted to ehlp her have a bit more confidence but thank you all for the replies.

FAYEZY123 · Aug 15, 2010

Hi Baby Butterfly,

Maybe arrange a day out where you both wear vintage TOGETHER! It would be fun, plus your friend will probably feel 'safer' if there are two of you together.

<3

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