First Dates

Tiller · Sep 3, 2011

Pay for everything on the first date, especially if you asked her out. That's what men do. Also take the whole "women like jerks" thing with a grain of salt. Most women are going to like the fact that you aren't super shy and can hold up a good conversation, and simply have fun with them. Although it may have worked on Edith, most women aren't going to be to interested in you if you start acting like Archie Bunker.

C-dot · Sep 4, 2011

Tiller said:
Also take the whole "women like jerks" thing with a grain of salt.

Oh yes. That whole "women liking jerks" thing is a myth. Each woman has her own individual preferences, of course, but generally we love a good-natured guy who can still hold his own.

(Asked to describe their ideal human personality traits, we so often respond with "that perfect balance of..." which I find so interesting!)

LoveMyHats2 · Sep 4, 2011

IsaacRN said:
Its someone I work with very indirectly with in the hospital. So its not necessarily a blind date, but we arent best of friends. I was speaking to flowers rather than gifts, and perhaps I used the wrong wording there. By the census so far, I think I should hold off on the flowers for the first date.

I will hope all things will go well for you, but in the bigger picture I would not think, to me, it is a best thing to date someone that works where you work. Not always, but for the most part, being in a intimate relationship (dating not hotelling...you know what I mean), can be a very dangerous thing to do. It is a formula that may create future problems where you work if things "blow up" between yourself and this co worker. My general thoughts are never date where you depend on your living to be made, and keep your dating life separate from your business life.

As for as the gift goes, I would say NO to first date, given as weirdo as the world may be now, the person may think you expect too much or make that person feel obligated. Just be yourself, have a nice time, and if the person does not like the facts you open doors and are a gentlemen, then you know to be a pirate and "heave ho" that one.

LoveMyHats2 · Sep 4, 2011

C-dot said:
Oh yes. That whole "women liking jerks" thing is a myth. Each woman has her own individual preferences, of course, but generally we love a good-natured guy who can still hold his own.

(Asked to describe their ideal human personality traits, we so often respond with "that perfect balance of..." which I find so interesting!)

I can agree with what you state, but I have witnessed many a young gal being involved with fellows that drive the gal's car, drink her beer, spend her money, have other gals spend time in the home while that gal is at work, and treat them worse than a tow headed step child, and the gals just love em for being so "in" as they say. Myself, I think a man should be able to treat a gal like she is the only star in the sky, and then some. I also think that when you meet someone that can see that is how you think about them, you know that is the one you want to keep. That is how me and my Wife are towards each other, and I would give my last drop of life for her. She is just awesome.

LoveMyHats2 · Sep 4, 2011

avedwards said:
I did that on a third date to a restaurant once. It failed as a day later it ended (though we're still friends) and that rose has been sitting on my desk for the past two and a half years as a sour reminder.

Now that I look back I never gave my current girlfriend any romantic presents until quite recently when I occasionally bring flowers with me (only occasionally so that it's always as a surprise), though I made a point of always giving birthday and Christmas presents and sending postcards whilst I was away for a month in Germany. Overall I can't say dating is really my thing and I'm glad I may no longer have to do it. I enjoyed it the first time round but the second time round I just wished I could have fast-tracked the process and got to know the lady without having to feel awkward the whole time.

The only advice I can give is be yourself (so don't leave the fedora at home if you would normally wear it) and be friendly. I fail to understand the dating ritual and sometimes wonder whether meeting prospective partners in the same way you'd meet new friends would be a better way to get to know them.

I agree if you wear a hat, wear it. If that person does not like it, well what you going to do, change to suit what THEY want? Not worth while and not healthy to do, just be you, as that is what you are.

Yeps · Sep 5, 2011

LoveMyHats2 said:
I agree if you wear a hat, wear it. If that person does not like it, well what you going to do, change to suit what THEY want? Not worth while and not healthy to do, just be you, as that is what you are.

[video=vimeo;28517396]http://vimeo.com/28517396[/video]

rue · Sep 5, 2011

LOVED that!!

avedwards · Sep 5, 2011

C-dot said:
Oh yes. That whole "women liking jerks" thing is a myth. Each woman has her own individual preferences, of course, but generally we love a good-natured guy who can still hold his own.

The problem is that women often, quite understandably, like more confident guys and on first impression the "jerks" often appear to be the more confident people. From personal experience I have often enough noticed that many girls seem to find "jerks" more attractive whilst the well mannered folk have no luck at all because they're less confident meeting new people.

Tomasso · Sep 5, 2011

rue said:
LOVED that!!

Me too! It really deserves its own thread.

C-dot · Sep 5, 2011

LoveMyHats2 said:
...fellows that drive the gal's car, drink her beer, spend her money, have other gals spend time in the home while that gal is at work...

Driving my car... That's fine, if its an emergency, or I don't feel like driving - but he needs my permission. I'll be impressed if the guy knows how to drive it, anyway
Drinking my liquor (I don't drink beer)... Nope. He buys my drinks.
Spend my money... Like he would even have access to my wallet or credit/debit cards. And if he did, like I would tell him what the pin number is.
Have other girls over while I'm at work... He'd better hope I don't catch him, or he won't be capable of entertaining female company ever again.

These days, I don't think any guy I date would dare treat me like that. I've been burnt before and I've found the best way to discourage it is to command - not request, command - their respect. If I get that, they'll be handsomely rewarded.

avedwards said:
The problem is that women often, quite understandably, like more confident guys and on first impression the "jerks" often appear to be the more confident people. From personal experience I have often enough noticed that many girls seem to find "jerks" more attractive whilst the well mannered folk have no luck at all because they're less confident meeting new people.

Hmm... I think these girls are less than savvy. A shrewd girl will be able to spot the difference between a confident guy and a jerk within a few seconds. Of course, sometimes it can take months for a person's true personality to shine through, but I subscribe to the philosophy that first impressions are rarely wrong. Mine have seldom been.

avedwards · Sep 5, 2011

C-dot said:
Hmm... I think these girls are less than savvy. A shrewd girl will be able to spot the difference between a confident guy and a jerk within a few seconds. Of course, sometimes it can take months for a person's true personality to shine through, but I subscribe to the philosophy that first impressions are rarely wrong. Mine have seldom been.

The girls I made my observation on probably weren't as savvy as you. Certainly one of my friends wasn't as it took a lot of insistance on mine and my girlfriend's part to convince her to get rid of guy who was no good for her (I very rarely tell my friends what to do, but this was the sort of guy who I just wanted to punch in the face).

C-dot · Sep 6, 2011

avedwards said:
The girls I made my observation on probably weren't as savvy as you. Certainly one of my friends wasn't as it took a lot of insistance on mine and my girlfriend's part to convince her to get rid of guy who was no good for her (I very rarely tell my friends what to do, but this was the sort of guy who I just wanted to punch in the face).

That's a familiar situation. Unfortunately, once a woman makes up her mind, ain't nobody gonna stop her! As Mrs. Moorehead said in The Women, "I know my sex."

LoveMyHats2 · Sep 6, 2011

I am awaiting to see what happens on this "first date", and await to see if things went well, or if anyone had to dial 9-1-1 lol!

rue · Sep 6, 2011

LoveMyHats2 said:
I am awaiting to see what happens on this "first date", and await to see if things went well, or if anyone had to dial 9-1-1 lol!

Me too!

sheeplady · Sep 6, 2011

LoveMyHats2 said:
but I have witnessed many a young gal being involved with fellows that drive the gal's car, drink her beer, spend her money, have other gals spend time in the home while that gal is at work, and treat them worse than a tow headed step child, and the gals just love em for being so "in" as they say.

Those girls have got some confidence issues. I think it is a sorry state that some women put the desire to have a man above their desire to be treated with respect, and it is despicable that society places this kind of pressure on women to be in a relationship no matter the cost. There is absolutely no reason why a woman should let a man- or anyone- treat her that way.

There is also no reason for a man to act like a leech and be verbally abusive towards a woman. I really don't care if she "lets" or "wants" a man to act this way, no gentleman abuses a lady.

I don't have children, but if I had a son, I'd be really upset if I found out he disrespected a woman (or any partner) in any of the ways you described. Upset is the closest word I can use here, and it totally does not describe the experience he would have following my finding out, and I really wouldn't care how old he was.

LoveMyHats2 · Sep 6, 2011

sheeplady said:
Those girls have got some confidence issues. I think it is a sorry state that some women put the desire to have a man above their desire to be treated with respect, and it is despicable that society places this kind of pressure on women to be in a relationship no matter the cost. There is absolutely no reason why a woman should let a man- or anyone- treat her that way.

There is also no reason for a man to act like a leech and be verbally abusive towards a woman. I really don't care if she "lets" or "wants" a man to act this way, no gentleman abuses a lady.

I don't have children, but if I had a son, I'd be really upset if I found out he disrespected a woman (or any partner) in any of the ways you described. Upset is the closest word I can use here, and it totally does not describe the experience he would have following my finding out, and I really wouldn't care how old he was.

I totally agree! For the life of me, I just cannot understand it at all. I listen to these young gals speaking to their friends as they work at the local Gas Station and a few that work at the Library here in town. they brag about what their boyfriends are doing and seem to think it is "in" for them to be as it is!

C-dot · Sep 6, 2011

sheeplady said:
I don't have children, but if I had a son, I'd be really upset if I found out he disrespected a woman (or any partner) in any of the ways you described. Upset is the closest word I can use here, and it totally does not describe the experience he would have following my finding out, and I really wouldn't care how old he was.

You sound like the ideal mother-in-law! Every experience I've had with the mother has been "oh, my precious little boy." My last boyfriend had a hair trigger temper, and was fond of launching into tirades of insults. Finally, he lost his temper one too many times. His mother's verdict? "Well, if she didn't push your buttons, you would never have gotten so angry." :eusa_doh:

V.C. Brunswick · Sep 6, 2011

C-dot said:
Every experience I've had with the mother has been "oh, my precious little boy."

[video=youtube;DA4hdBDHqjQ]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DA4hdBDHqjQ[/video]

sheeplady · Sep 6, 2011

C-dot said:
You sound like the ideal mother-in-law! Every experience I've had with the mother has been "oh, my precious little boy." My last boyfriend had a hair trigger temper, and was fond of launching into tirades of insults. Finally, he lost his temper one too many times. His mother's verdict? "Well, if she didn't push your buttons, you would never have gotten so angry." :eusa_doh:

Urgh. I'm sorry about your experience. I've just seen so many mothers' making excuses for their boys or saying that they have no influence on their behavior that I am sick of it. My view is that if a son treats a woman badly, it is like treating his mother badly. The most basic level of respect is how you treat someone you are romantically involved with- man or woman. There's no excuse for disrespectful/ abusive behavior towards a romantic partner.

Miss sofia · Oct 4, 2011

My mother always said kindness was one of the most important traits to look for in a partner. It's very underrated i think. I actually read in a book somewhere, that if you see a prospective consort talk down to/condescend/verbally bully anyone, adult or child, then you should scram, as it rarely bodes well for any future relationship you might have.

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