Men: Would it bother you if your wife were the main "bread winner" in the family?

Widebrim · Jan 17, 2013

Being into vintage/the Golden Age as we are here on the Lounge, we're well aware that in the past it usually was the husband who brought home the bacon. Women during the Golden Age often did work outside the home (especially during WWII), and some rose to positions where they made a hefty salary. Usually, though, at least in most families, it was the man who made more. However, attitudes regarding the employment of women have changed, people are more determined now to maintain a "standard of living," and salaries have become more equitable between the sexes, with the result that more women find themselves in the position where they are financially supporting the family more than their spouses. So, whether you are married or not, would it be (or is it now) a problem to your traditional male "ego" if your wife made more than you?

HoosierDaddy · Jan 17, 2013

It surely wouldn't bother me if she 'made more' than I do...BUT..I look at supporting the family as my main responsibilty no matter the situation. Even if I gotta dig ditches.
HD

skyvue · Jan 17, 2013

My wife makes more than I do (it used to be the other way around, but I was out of work for a year, and when I finally got hired, it was at a salary that was 25% less than I'd formerly made), and it only bothers me in that our budget is tighter than we'd like. If she made enough more than I do and money wasn't so tight, I (and she) would be fine with it. I'd rather make more myself, but her making more would be a close second choice.

Short Balding Guy · Jan 17, 2013

Not at all! I cheer my wife's current good fortunes.

Renumeration does not reach it's peak for all proffesions at the same time. I retired early as a member of senior management from a fortune 50 company over a decade ago. In my sunset occupations, I have started and worked for a variety of businesses. My wife, DVM, brings home a larger paycheck the past years. She rocks! She has truly earned this moment thru her education, devotion to her profession, passion and hard working hours.

I celebrate her good fortune and find my ego is not challenged as we are a partnership. Our partnership, in part, recognizes that our seperate conributions will vary over our working life. Paycheck dollars is not the sum total of wealth, and I take pride in my contribution to our family coffers. We are a partnership and as such, our investments, retirement, benefits and current paychecks steed US well. Granted we have the luxury of knowing we have a choice of whether to go to work, for whom and where each day, but we do not take this for granted.

For our situation, whom ever brings home the bread rocks! I love my wife, not her paycheck. She can bring home a big or small check and I will still cheer. Good fortune is ours that it is my wife's time and good fortune to be at her peak earning time.

Best, Eric -

AtomicEraTom · Jan 17, 2013

I understand that it happens more and more these days. If I were married, and that were the scenario, I sure wouldn't resent my wife for it or anything. It would likely bother me though, being the old-fashioned guy that I am. I always hope to get into a career where I'm making a good enough living that my wife would be able to be a homemaker and not have to worry about working outside the home.

Son_of_Atropos · Jan 17, 2013

I think the converse is the bigger question: "Women: Would it bother you if you were the breadwinner of the family?"

Edward · Jan 17, 2013

I honestly can't begin to fathom why it would bother any man to be in that position. [huh] I'm sure it's actually close to the norm for men in my field (academia) here in the UK who have wives or partners who work in the private sector. I'd be equally suspect of any woman who expected her husband to earn more than her on simple grounds of gender ("expected" as a matter of principle, rather than resigning herself to the pay-gap that still exists between the genders in some areas).

LocktownDog · Jan 17, 2013

When I was married, my wife made more than me for about three years. I was a freelancing artist, rebuilding areas of the house, and taking care of three sons at the time. It embarrassed the heck out of me at the time. She says it never bothered her, but who knows? Funny, once I took a well-paying job and we had to start sharing home responsibilities and barely saw each other, THAT'S when the marriage went downhill. [huh]

gtdean48 · Jan 17, 2013

It would bother my wife more because she wants to retire before me & this situation would not be conducive to that plan....

1961MJS · Jan 17, 2013

Hi

Not that I'll have this problem, but I think there would be a vast difference between meeting someone, marrying, then she eventually makes more than you do and being a "Boy Toy".

Later

Edward · Jan 17, 2013

1961MJS said:
Hi

Not that I'll have this problem, but I think there would be a vast difference between meeting someone, marrying, then she eventually makes more than you do and being a "Boy Toy".

Later

Sure, but why should that be any different with the genders reversed?

Salty O'Rourke · Jan 17, 2013

If it's good enough for this guy, it's good enough for me...

Feraud · Jan 17, 2013

If only I had the makings of a Boy Toy... [huh]

AmateisGal · Jan 17, 2013

As a woman who is currently earning the sole income for our household since hubby went back to college (he graduates in June), it doesn't bother me to be the main breadwinner - because it's only temporary. I'm sure that once hubby gets hired on some place, he will make more than I do, but in reality, that's completely fine with me. My goal is to work part-time and write the rest of the time.

1961MJS · Jan 17, 2013

Edward said:
Sure, but why should that be any different with the genders reversed?

I didn't mean to imply it was different. I think that it may BE different, but you'd have to ask the ladies about that part. I just don't think I'd be loaded with self respect if I was a boy toy. I GUESS I could try...

Later

Edward · Jan 17, 2013

1961MJS said:
I didn't mean to imply it was different. I think that it may BE different, but you'd have to ask the ladies about that part. I just don't think I'd be loaded with self respect if I was a boy toy. I GUESS I could try...

Later

I know where you're coming from, I think I'd be the same. Well, depending on the circumstances. I mean, if I had a wife who was so crazy rich money wasn't an issue, I could see forsaking paid employment in favour of something voluntary that otherwise wouldn't get done because, well, who can afford to work for free these days? Of course, that's not the same thing as boy toy, no..... I'm thinking in circles here.

Atticus Finch · Jan 17, 2013

I don't have a wife but I have a significant other who lives with me. She has for years. She has what I'm sure is a fairly high paying job that requires a professional license. She has a lot more letters following her name than I do. I have never asked her how much she earns and she has never asked me. It is entirely possible that she earns more than I do. I couldn't care less.

AF

John in Covina · Jan 17, 2013

Many men define themselves as: you are what you do. So there will be some that won't consider the idea of a wife as the main bread winner as a good thing because it would undermine their self image as a man.

We can go thru all sorts of BS as to why it is that way for some and not for others, but if a woman has a man that is a part of this type of male definition the best thing you can do is be in the position that shows you need him as a man. The single worst thing you can do is say you don't need a man. If a man is useless or does nothing he is nothing.

Dennis Prager has a Male Female hour once a week and a couple times a year he has this lady author on (who's name I can't recall) that does such a great job of explaining why it so often works this way it is awesome. Ladies if your man is like this you may try neutering but chances are he still won'tlike it.

As to others I simply point to the South Park documentary about the Crab People.

Widebrim · Jan 17, 2013

Edward said:
I honestly can't begin to fathom why it would bother any man to be in that position. [huh] I'm sure it's actually close to the norm for men in my field (academia) here in the UK who have wives or partners who work in the private sector. I'd be equally suspect of any woman who expected her husband to earn more than her on simple grounds of gender ("expected" as a matter of principle, rather than resigning herself to the pay-gap that still exists between the genders in some areas).

Perhaps because "traditionally" it has been the husband who has earned more (for various reasons). Also, it is the woman who bears the children and who in the past usually "nurtured" them while the husband was working, so there is that psychological aspect of, "She's done/doing her part, now I've got to do mine."

Two Types · Jan 17, 2013

When we married in 1992, myself and my wife were earning about the same as each other. She soon outstripped me. That was fine - we had money, so what who earned it? When our daughter was about three my wife was offered a great job but it involved commuting. So I cut down my hours and dealt with more child duties so she could concentrate on her career. The gap between our incomes has grown every year since then. I now earn less than i was ten or twelve years ago. But strangely, it seems like i have more money!
I have never felt bad about her being the main breadwinner. Marriage is a partnership in which we are equals. I do the housework, she does the career job. The real benefit is that the dynamic in the family means that I have a very close relationship with our children. That has to be a good thing.

P.S. One other good thing: My wife pays for most things in our house, leaving me free to spend my money on shoes, ties and scarves!

Men: Would it bother you if your wife were the main "bread winner" in the family?

Would it bother you if your wife were the main bread winner?

Not at all.

Yes, it would.

I really don't know...

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