Maternal Dissaproval

The Tommy Gun Bandit said:

I've had trouble with my mom as well that does not concern hats. The only way out of this mess is through respect towards his mother.

Click to expand...

cchgn said:

we don't have enough info to know if it's about power and control. No one else in the family cares one way or the other, that doesn't sound like a power hungry family.

Click to expand...

cchgn said:

well, maybe there shouldn't be, but the reality is, there are. Btw, he did indicate that his parents are helping him get through college. There is the matter of respect, it's his Mom, it's Christmas.

Click to expand...

HudsonHawk said:

So be respectful and remind her he's an adult and will wear a hat if he wants.

Click to expand...

thecollegeguy123 said:

She said that it makes me look "ridiculous", "not normal", and would look at the hat and than turn away saying "oh god" as if it were disgusting. She said those things multiple times whenever she would see me in the hat. What's more disturbing is that she kept on saying that it made me look like "an old jewish man" or "amish". Even if the hat did make me look like a member of those groups, it would not bother me because I respect them. I do not see why she has to view looking even a little bit like them negatively.

Click to expand...

Baron Kurtz said:

If it's any relief, my Ma has been bemused by my clothing/fashion choices since I was about 16 (now 35). Apparently vintage style "is not normal".

Click to expand...

Fastuni said:

That's what I almost suspected.
Whatever people's views about orthodox Jews or Amish, that's very often simply what is associated with ("dressy") black hats with larger brims.
This may have to do something with her negativity. A lighter color hat certainly can't be labelled "Jewish" or "Amish" (as silly as this is in the first place anyway).

Although her negativity should not be a reason to avoid black hats, have you thought about getting a lighter (grey, light brown or beige) hat?
A mid-grey hat with black band is VERY versatile - much more than black or browns.
I also started out with a black fedora, but soon discarded it, since it doesn't fit with my (vintage) wardrobe and also looks just a bit too "dramatic".
I received more negative comments from strangers (though I did not care) when wearing black.
Brown usually get's "detective" or "Indiana jones" remarks... but grey is the most positively received (or simply ignored - just as good).

Click to expand...

Baron Kurtz said:

Exactly. You're 19 years old: You really don't need to listen to your mother about such matters. presumably she hasn't been clothing you for quite some time.

If it's any relief, my Ma has been bemused by my clothing/fashion choices since I was about 16 (now 35). Apparently vintage style "is not normal".

Click to expand...

T Jones said:

If your fedora wearing is your Mom's biggest complaint then she should consider herself a very lucky mother.

Click to expand...

Mulceber said:

To be honest, I'm surprised that her extreme reaction hasn't drawn comments from other members of the family. Everyone else seems ok with it, she starts making nasty and (possibly) biggoted remarks and nobody else raises an eyebrow or tries to encourage her to be more moderate? It seems like you have a hard line to toe - you want to (and should!) establish your own identity and your own sense of style, but while you're financially dependent on them, discretion is the better part of valor. At this juncture, at least, I wouldn't recommend saying anything too direct to her...but you might buy a second hat just to subtly let her know that you aren't backing down - like several other people here, I'd recommend a gray hat - it's less likely to draw the Jewish/Amish comments anyway. -M

Click to expand...

Edward said:

I remember the days when my folks would raise an eyebrow (or, once in a blue moon, a voice) over what I wore - these young people's clothes they didn't get (probably as well they never saw me in drag or with any make-up at all...). Now I dress like their parents did in their heyday, and my folks still don't get it. It amuses me.... where once it was "cut that hair!", now they wish I hadn't shaved it all off; where once my trousers looked ridiculous because they were "like johdpurs", now they're too wide... lol

There are only two ways to deal with this:

1] Tell Mommy Dearest that it's your head, and it's going in a hat.

2] Fins another hat she hates even more, wear that for a few months around her, then she'll soon want you to go back to "that nice black one...". An SS or other WW2 German cap might be good (swastikas a bonus), or possibly a Fez. Maybe a jester hat ("You said I looked like a clown anyhow...."). As you're in Florida, perhaps a Union slouch hat, complete with insignia (accessorise with occasional quips about 'Southern Racist Trash' et cetera). You can't afford to flinch if you use this one, but it can be devastatingly effective.

You could also just get a haircut she hates so much, she begs you to keep it covered. And you know how bst to do that....



Oh, yeah. I hear that. It's not normal, and you have to be careful on the street or you'll be targetted and beaten up...



Precisely.

Click to expand...

thecollegeguy123 said:

It is funny that you mention hairstyles because that has been another point of conflict between me and her. When I was much younger, my hair was short. It was a classic young boy's haircut that would not seem out of place on anybody. However, as I got into my teenage years, my mother complained that my hair was too short and that she wanted me to grow it out longer. Her complaint was that my hair would stick up too much and that it would lay down easier if it was longer. Her complaint was somewhat legitimate because it is true that I have thick hair that is very difficult to keep down without using a lot of hair product. Unfortunately longer hair did not satisfy her. Within a few months, she told me that she hated my long hair and told me to cut it short again. She kept changing her mind all throught highschool, so my hair varied in length often. Since I live in Miami now, I have it cut short because of the heat and humidity. She still complains about my hair, though. It is difficult to find any common ground with her when she keeps changing her mind every few months.

Click to expand...

HudsonHawk said:

My last comment to you, as I know I sound like a broken record. But she isn't "changing her mind", she is controlling you. It's no surprise she doesn't do it it in front of other family members, as they're more likely to call her on it. You're not, apparently. It will not stop with your hair or a hat, unless you put your foot down. If you do, the hurftul comments will stop. If you don't, be prepared for a life of suffering a domineering mother who will want to contol every aspect of your life. Good luck.

Click to expand...