Husband doesn't like 1950's look...

Callque · Jan 4, 2014

So I have a question for you ladies. I have an amazing husband who likes me just as I am. I recently went through a two year period where I did not do anything beauty related at all. I did not style/cut my hair, I did not wear makeup, I did not dress up, I did not do my eyebrows, and half the time I didn't even shave. I just couldn't be bothered.

My husband loved it. He told me I was beautiful all of the time, everyday, multiple times a day. He's just a man who really prefers me being natural. About a year ago I decided that a 1950's look is what I wanted, so I've slowly been taking steps to achieve it.

The problem is that I've noticed that when I do wear something 1950's inspired (like winged eyeliner, red lipstick, or a bullet bra) the compliments stop. I can tell by the comments he makes about certain things that he's really not into the whole made-up look. I asked him if he could dress me for a day what would I look like, and he replied, "Natural hair, natural nails, mascara, and maybe some blush (I taught him about the various uses of makeup

).. and a dress and sandals."

He thinks heels are pointless because they make women walk funny and are bad for them. He thinks vintage lingerie is 'grandma looking' and he doesn't comment too favorably on women who like to wear full faces of makeup.

I know most women would say to look however I want to, but I want to look in a way that he finds attractive. Are any other women here going through this and do you have any suggestions on how to combine his love of natural beauty and my love for 1950's glamour??

CaramelSmoothie · Jan 4, 2014

Do you think he may be fearful of unwelcomed attention your new look could attract from male strangers?

TheSacredFemme · Jan 5, 2014

Oooh, this is a tough situation. While I ultimately dress the way I do because it makes me happy, I can only imagine that if my hubby didn't reinforce it positively, or spoke about it negatively, I'd probably abandon most obvious efforts.

Having said that...have you mentioned this to him? Does it make you feel good? Perhaps he needs to adapt to what makes you feel good if this is a new-found passion.

LolitaHaze · Jan 5, 2014

Have you tried easing in with a collegiate look instead of a glamour look? Lighter makeup and softer curls may be a way to ease him into the look.

Amy Jeanne · Jan 5, 2014

My experience might be a bit different, but a few years ago I learned to sew and began to wear only 1930s dresses, shoes, makeup, and hair. It carried on for about a year until my husband came out and told me he wasn't attracted to me when I dressed that way. It stung. I was unhappy for a while afterwards. But as time went by I have crept back into full-on vintage looks, but only do it when it is appropriate for the time and place. He doesn't mind that at all. And I've expanded my looks from the 20s to the 70s (the 30s still has my heart, though!) Maybe not everyone will agree, but a marriage is a partnership and sometimes you have to make sacrifices and compromises for each other. Maybe starting with a compromise while you ease into it? Maybe "vintage Sundays" or something? One day a week of glam. Talk to him about it, too! Don't just do it whether he likes it or not -- let him know how it makes you feel. Good luck!

tuco1963 · Jan 5, 2014

i risk being booted or boo'ed from the lounge (i hope not)
YET i must scream to the heavens the words of the late great ricky nelson if you cant please everyone you have to please yourself[huh]
p.s.
they dont do hairy leggs or pitts in eastern europe anymore (shave woman shave )

VintageBee · Jan 5, 2014

Amy Jeanne said:
My experience might be a bit different, but a few years ago I learned to sew and began to wear only 1930s dresses, shoes, makeup, and hair. It carried on for about a year until my husband came out and told me he wasn't attracted to me when I dressed that way. It stung. I was unhappy for a while afterwards. But as time went by I have crept back into full-on vintage looks, but only do it when it is appropriate for the time and place. He doesn't mind that at all. And I've expanded my looks from the 20s to the 70s (the 30s still has my heart, though!) Maybe not everyone will agree, but a marriage is a partnership and sometimes you have to make sacrifices and compromises for each other. Maybe starting with a compromise while you ease into it? Maybe "vintage Sundays" or something? One day a week of glam. Talk to him about it, too! Don't just do it whether he likes it or not -- let him know how it makes you feel. Good luck!

I've been here too!
My husband loves me in wranglers, T-shirt, boots, NO makeup, hair lightly done (NO HAIRSPRAY, no scented products!). HOWEVER he loves what he calls my "June Cleaver" dresses I wear to church...which I promptly return to the closet when we get home. We live in the country and frequently are outdoors so jeans are practical.
But we have talked (THIS IS THE KEY!!!) that I like how I feel when I go to town dressed towards the 40-50's style-SO when I meet a friend for coffee, go shopping...run errands, I will dress vintage style because 1-it makes me feel ladylike, 2-I have a confidence that I bring a smile to some people who never thought anyone 'dressed' anymore (mostly older folks) and 3-it makes me happy. When I return home, I change sometimes...if we aren't heading out to check on fencing or the orchard, I don't. But the key is COMMUNICATION. I defer to my husbands wishes and when I have a different view, we TALK.
It DOES help that he listens

Years ago I sewed quite a few dresses, more old fashioned-plain 'Amish' style he called them. I did a really good job on them and I loved them, all cotton calico and comfy....after a few months he commented that he hated them on me. (We are very conservative so this did surprise me a bit!). I gave them to a friend and every time I saw her in them I literally cried! I so wanted them back! I had to choose which was more important to me and respecting my husbands wishes meant more.
SO WE TALKED.
'June Cleaver' dresses it is! :eusa_clap
Talk to him

VintageBee · Jan 5, 2014

CaramelSmoothie said:
Do you think he may be fearful of unwelcomed attention your new look could attract from male strangers?

This could be the case.
My husband says, "you look the same when you wake up as when you went to bed and I love that!". (I wear no makeup-haven't in 35 years!).
To me, that's worth not having a total "vintage" look....although there ARE days I wonder what I would look like with eyeliner.....

CaramelSmoothie · Jan 5, 2014

I hear ya VintageBee. Or maybe he just thinks the 50s getup looks outdated? It would be like your spouse coming in the house dressed like George Washington. I know many spouses wouldn't be too thrilled with that! Lol. It's probably the same for her hubby. I bet he thinks it is an outdated look from long ago and wants her to get with the times. I feel that they should work together to come to some sort of compromise and then the look will probably grow on him, as been suggested in this thread.

LolitaHaze · Jan 5, 2014

My ex told me that while he doesn't mind the 40s clothes and hair, he didn't like it when I went all out with hats and gloves.

And that is why he is an EX.

sheeplady · Jan 5, 2014

VintageBee said:
To me, that's worth not having a total "vintage" look....although there ARE days I wonder what I would look like with eyeliner.....

Sometimes I think to myself, "I might look good with eyeliner and mascara...." but then I realize you need to put that stuff near your eye ball and it kinda ends there.... lol

sheeplady · Jan 5, 2014

Callque said:
The problem is that I've noticed that when I do wear something 1950's inspired (like winged eyeliner, red lipstick, or a bullet bra) the compliments stop. I can tell by the comments he makes about certain things that he's really not into the whole made-up look. I asked him if he could dress me for a day what would I look like, and he replied, "Natural hair, natural nails, mascara, and maybe some blush (I taught him about the various uses of makeup ).. and a dress and sandals."

Is there a compromise here? Flats (like saddles or sandals) and a circle skirt with a sweater, light makeup and perhaps a nice coral lipstick?

I'm not trying to get too personal here, but has he seen you in full vintage lingerie, not just a bullet bra? My husband says there is a reason why all the victoria secret models wear garters in the photoshoots they do... on the other hand, I have seen a few men here on the lounge complain about how they sometimes find the vintage lingerie to be frustrating on their mates, so I don't imagine it is simply a matter of all men finding it attractive.

Lenore · Jan 5, 2014

Wow... I can't begin to imagine being in your situation. My husband loves it when I put myself together, probably because he knows how good it makes me feel (I'm a total drama queen) and that my confidence is sexy to him. There are a few things that he does come out and say he doesn't care for like bullet bras, for example. In those situations, I listen to him and compromise. I don't wear anything super pointy and I keep my Playtex 18 hour styles for my vintage style clothing that requires that particular shape.

That being said, I do understand what it's like to feel like your significant other find you attractive in whatever it is you're wearing... I suppose I have the opposite problem in that when I wear jeans and shirts that's when I get the comments of unattraction. If it's just us hanging around the house, it's one thing, but if we're going out, and I don't put on makeup... It's not that he's embarrassed to be seen with me, but he knows that *I* feel self-conscious without it. I don't think he realizes that by him pointing that out, it makes matters worse. [huh]

I agree with the other posters that committed relationships are about compromise and finding a middle ground. However, this middle ground must make you happy, and by extension, your husband. After all, if you didn't want to make him happy, you wouldn't have posted this!

If you like the 50's, do the 50's. There's PLENTY of variation there. Everything from the glamour you love so much to the girl next door type. Not every actress could be Marilyn Monroe, nor could every actress be Doris Day. Both fantastic in their own ways, but different. Two ends of the spectrum and plenty of in-between. You have to find the niche that will make you (and your husband) happy.

Apart from that, there are many women here that sympathize and are happy to lend an ear. If you need us, we're here.

fgradowski · Jan 5, 2014

Did you gradually make the change or just jump right into it? My fiance used to tell me that he didn't like when I wore makeup. I found out that it was because I was wearing a bad foundation. I switched to a better foundation first. I gradually started wearing red lipstick. Then doing my eyebrows. And then using winged eyeliner. Now, he compliments me everyday. Maybe you just came on too strong and it was just a big change for him.

Red Diabla · Jan 5, 2014

Sounds like you and your husband need to have a chat to find out what's going through his mind!

As said by others, there's also not just one 50's style...besides the usual glamour girl or collegiate look, you could go for the beatnik/bohemian look that's way more casual than the stereotypical 50's look but still has aspects of that era represented. But first, find out what exactly is bugging your husband so that a reasonable compromise can be reached.

RD

Alice~ · Jan 5, 2014

LolitaHaze said:
My ex told me that while he doesn't mind the 40s clothes and hair, he didn't like it when I went all out with hats and gloves.

And that is why he is an EX.

:eusa_clap

imoldfashioned · Feb 16, 2014

My partner got overly possessive and controlling of how I should dress and look. They didn't like my love of vintage wear and told me it drew the wrong sort of attention onto me. I came to the conclusion that my love of vintage fashion was part of who I was and if others didn't like it then they didn't respect, value or like me. That person got their marching orders! Life is too short to be disrespected and controlled (even passively) like that.

It saddens me to read just how controlling people's partners are! Is that really acceptable and a good foundation for a long term relationship? Nope!

Amy Jeanne · Feb 16, 2014

Since I previously commented on this thread about compromises, I feel the need to speak up because my husband is not "controlling" at all. Sorry you had that experience and DEFINITELY walk away from that kind of garbage, but my husband and I have been married for 9 years and couldn't be happier

There is give and take on BOTH sides. The foundation to a great long-term relationship is communication. My husband and I have used this method for the past 9 years and it seems to work!

Sharpsburg · Feb 17, 2014

Thanks for adding so much to the conversation, Kilo!

lareine · Feb 18, 2014

tuco1963 said:
i risk being booted or boo'ed from the lounge (i hope not)
YET i must scream to the heavens the words of the late great ricky nelson if you cant please everyone you have to please yourself[huh]
p.s.
they dont do hairy leggs or pitts in eastern europe anymore (shave woman shave )

I hope that post is a joke! It's hard to tell sometimes. It's certainly hard to take somebody seriously if they are saying that you should please yourself, and practically in the same breath they're saying you should change yourself

As for the original question, I do think compromise is the key. Dress up to please yourself but not your husband when you aren't around your husband. Go out for cake and coffee with the girls and wow everybody you meet. Swan around the house in full-on glamour when hubby is out with the boys.

Your husband was brave to say that he is not attracted to your appearance when you do certain things to it. It doesn't sound like he's trying to control you, just being honest about his feelings. If I was doing something that my husband thought was a turn-off, I'd certainly want to know about it myself!

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