New to the Vintage lifestyle, first meet up turned into a disaster

Hello,

I have always wanted to live a vintage lifestyle and join a vintage community. I went to a local meet up. I arrived to an afternoon coffee and the hostess opened the door and looked like a deer in the headlights! My fiance and I dressed up in era appropriate (it was a late 1940's theme) clothing with an apple brown betty to share. Her first words to us were " Well you two are not what we usually allow but I guess we can just leave you out of the pictures".( I am Nigerian,Irish,and Cherokee my fiance is matisse (French and Chippewa). My friends describe me as looking creole with freckles and my fiance looks like a tall caucasian lumberjack ) Instead of smiles all we were greeted by was murmurs. My fiance started talking about cars, the gentleman he spoke with started to glare at me and stated that " couples like you and her people are an abomination in the vintage community". With confused face we asked" why?"
the hostess interjected that legally in the era we would not be in a relationship. A guest then declared that "my kind" in the vintage community are frowned upon because " vintage looks disgusting on your people, you are too dark to pass or did you not notice?", another guest then said that I should be "in a vintage maid uniform". One man pointed at my fiance and said he couldn't believe a vintage enthusiast would even find a "N*****" attractive.Another female guest said that we should rethink getting married because our children would be ugly. The final kicker before we stormed out was when the hostesses said that the worst thing this country ever did was repealing segregation and allowing "mixing". As the door closed I heard one woman say " I am so sick of them trying to get into our world, who cares that they keep getting shot! they are doing the world a favor! Stupid welfare trash.

I hate to ask but is this common? Do people really take things this far normally? I was crushed. Before I try to get involved with another group I just want to know, I don't want to set myself up for that kind of thing again.

Lisserbee said:

I hate to ask but is this common? Do people really take things this far normally? I was crushed. Before I try to get involved with another group I just want to know, I don't want to set myself up for that kind of thing again.

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It's certainly not common around here. In my nine years as a member of the Lounge, we've had exactly one person I can recall who started popping off like that, and she ended up on the sidewalk mighty fast. We have zero tolerance for it here, period.

There are a lot of people in the world who have a very distorted idea of what the Era was all about. Certainly there were racism and bigotry and stone-headed reactionary fools -- but thruout the Era there were also plenty of people who had the guts and the courage to stand up against such things and condemn them for what they actually were. Those attending that particular "vintage get-together" ought to take their hoods off and maybe do some serious reading.

Not only is it not common, it sounds utterly bizarre. I can't believe you and your friend had to bear this kind of treatment. On behalf of those neanderthals (and this is an insult to all neanderthals) I apologize. No, I cannot imagine that such a horrendous event would ever overtake you again. It's beyond belief.

Here in St. Louis we're not exactly experts on harmonious race relations, but if you ever do decide to migrate this way, believe you me, you and your friend will be very welcome at local events.

I have to say, my hair stood on end as I was reading your post. I assume you left the party, never looked back, and disinfected the soles of your shoes when you returned home.

Reading that first post was extremely difficult. It hurt on so many levels. I don't mind saying that if I'd received such a reception, my reactions would either be...

- Put on an extremely stereotyped racial performance, just to **** them off.

- Start a fight.

Language and attitudes like that are not welcome anywhere. And certainly not here. We won't allow it.

That said, here at the Lounge, we embrace the styles, fashions, products, music, culture and technologies of the past.

We do NOT embrace the social attitudes of the past.

I can assure you that you will be most welcome here and that whatever you have to say, s'long as it's polite and pertinent, will always be welcome. LizzieM has always been warm, intelligent, friendly and always ready with the answers to peoples' questions.

Wow! :eeek:

LizzieMaine said:

It's certainly not common around here. In my nine years as a member of the Lounge, we've had exactly one person I can recall who started popping off like that, and she ended up on the sidewalk mighty fast. We have zero tolerance for it here, period.

There are a lot of people in the world who have a very distorted idea of what the Era was all about. Certainly there were racism and bigotry and stone-headed reactionary fools -- but thruout the Era there were also plenty of people who had the guts and the courage to stand up against such things and condemn them for what they actually were. Those attending that particular "vintage get-together" ought to take their hoods off and maybe do some serious reading.

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I wouldn't be surprised if the members of this group that Lisserbee had the misfortune of encountering were the ones in Lizzie's example who were rightly kicked out of all the other vintage groups because of their odious views and somehow "found each other."

I would definitely say based on my observations of the vintage scene that this group is clearly not the norm.

That's a terrifying thought...

Thank you for you warm and kind reassurance! I actually live in IL but most of the people here are transplants from the delta (I have deep roots in AR and TX myself and have never had an issue there even!). I live in an area where this type of behavior is not uncommon. It is truly a sad thing. In grocery lines, people cut in front of me and the customers and store managers don't see a problem, my fiancee and I have had people ask us to leave from stores and churches even! As a child in school kids would call me "half breed" and "devils Wh*** child" and throw rocks at me. Even my ex husband's mother would use the N word (she tried to defend it claiming her age gave her allowance but she is a social worker! that works with ethiopian refugees!) It was tough but it made me stronger. It is what made me start seeking an era where people still had manners and charm. My grandmother was a model during the Golden Era and that started my love of vintage!

As for the hostess we left promptly and "killed them with kindness". I sent her a card saying" thank you for the invitation but I do not associate with people who are an embarrassment to the community".

Lisserbee said:

As for the hostess we left promptly and "killed them with kindness". I sent her a card saying" thank you for the invitation but I do not associate with people who are an embarrassment to the community".

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Well done.

This is absolutely repulsive.

I admire your restraint - I would've sucker punched someone.

samtemporary said:

This is absolutely repulsive.

I admire your restraint - I would've sucker punched someone.

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You and me both, old boy. Let me find my brass knuckles. You can use them when I'm done.

L'bee you're more than welcome to hang out here. I too admire your restraint. I know I certainly wouldn't have any.

As a friend of mine once said:

The nicest people you meet are covered in tattoos and the most judgmental people in the world go to Church on Sundays.

Lisserbee said:

Hello,
the hostess interjected that legally in the era we would not be in a relationship.

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Oh, so I bet they just hate any vintage recreation of the prohibition era. Terrible and completely illegal. I'm sure they turn away anybody who shows up at the door dressed like Al Capone.

A guest then declared that "my kind" in the vintage community are frowned upon because " vintage looks disgusting on your people"

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Like in this picture I posted here a few months back?

Lisserbee said:

the hostess interjected that legally in the era we would not be in a relationship.

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Daytona, Florida
1913

Baseball Hall-of-Famer Roy Campanella, born in Philadelphia in 1921. The son of a happily-married interracial couple -- white Italian-American father, African-American mother.

There is so much wrong with your hostess (hosts?) and the guests of the party you attended I am not sure where to start. I have met a number of people who use the "n-word" religiously and state things like the shooting comment; so I am sad to say that I know this could have happened the exact way you describe it.

I am sorry that you have to deal with such overt racism in everyday life, or any kind of racism. The interracial couples I know all have had at least one experience like this (not in the vintage community, in general).

There are people who find the vintage era appealing because people "knew their place." These are normally people with a false understanding of history, lack of morals, and they are total idiots.

Lisserbee - sincerely and deeply hurt for you. My God, when will this insanity and nonsense stop. I know it has gotten better, but that it goes on at all is demoralizing.

There will always be a few angry / ugly / horrible bigots out there in the world - freedom of speech is not always pretty or something that is always fun to listen to - but I keep hoping that the number will shrink to such a small number that incidents like you experienced will be incredibly rare.

Don't give up on vintage as I've never seen that happen - I'm white, I get it, it wouldn't be directed at me, but I've never seen it directed at others in all my time interacting with people who share our passion. If fact, I would have said, overall, the vintage community is made up of very nice, kind people who are open to sharing their passion with anyone of any background who also shares that passion. I've witnessed this behavior quite often. So again, hopefully, your experience is rare and what I've witnessed is more the norm.

I know that doesn't help, but maybe it gives you (and all of us) a little hope.

Saddened and horrified to hear what you were exposed to, but sadly not surprised that it still exists. Alas, there are those hard-of-thinking types whose interest in 'vintage' is not the sort of things we appreciate around here, but simply a nostalgic desire to escape to days when, they think, "women and ethnics knew their place", and, these types think, their brand of open racism was not only tolerated but welcome. I've encountered them in the Chap scene over here too. Tiny-minded racists who mourn the demise of empire and cry about the plight of the poor, put-upon, white, bourgeouis male. The same mindset as those who cry discirimination at legal moves which prevent them from discriminating against others at will. Fortunately, in my experience at least, both here and in the 'real world' these attitudes are rare. Those who hold them are the sort of cowards who only voice them when they think themselves among like-minded sorts... and typically they get shot down in flames when they wrongly assume all others who "dress vintage" are of the same attitudes.

The 'vintage community' in my experience has always been very much white dominated. Understandably so.... I mean, while white myself, I can certainly imagine that had I been of a different ethnicity, I might not be quite so thrilled to dress for an eras in which I could have been turned away from a lunch counter or a water fountain or whatever on the basis of skin colour. There was that unpleasant side to the early-mid twentieth century era. It always strikes me as ironic that for all some will celebrate (and rightly so) Jesse Owens' success at Hitler's Olympics, I doubt he'd have been permitted to compete against white athletes in his home country. Fortunately, there were many good people in that era who stood up to racism and prejudice, just as most people these days are good people who will do the same.

Lisserbee - hope you stick around here, you'll find a much nicer community than the nasty little racists you encountered. Illegitimi non Carborundum!

A Hero

Major Taylor

The Extraordinary Career of a Champion Bicycle Racer
by Andrew Ritchie


"Life is too short for a man to hold bitterness in his heart."
Marshall Walter "Major" Taylor.



An American cyclist who won the world 1 mile track cycling championship in 1899
after setting numerous world records & overcoming racial discrimination.

I'm at a loss for words for what happened to you. I applaud your restraint and decorum in the matter.

Shangas said:

As a friend of mine once said:

The nicest people you meet are covered in tattoos and the most judgmental people in the world go to Church on Sundays.

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Very, very true, and for once I'm glad I'm tattooed


I'm not really into the whole vintage scene, so although shocked when reading the first post, am not in a position to comment. The closest I get to the vintage scene is the occasional rockabilly/rock and roll concert, but here there are always mixed races and nobody has an issue with that.

The conduct described in the OP was absolutely despicable. I hope that those who engaged in that conduct are not affiliated with TFL.