Speaking of dancing . . .

the only thing I can say is that the reason I can't get my SO out on the dance floor is a completely and utter terror that he will dance quite as spazzy as he is. It's justified, because he will, but he's interested in taking lessons so long as they are private lessons.

Have you tried that particular tack yet?

Another tirck I use, particularly with passing teenagers is to remind them that if you know you can't do something like dance or sing well, at least do it over the top, then laugh at yourself. In my experience, people will be impressed by your willingness to embarass yourself and consider it confidence.

I wonder....

In couples who most often is the "want to dance" or "want to learn to dance" partner vs. the "no thanks partner."

I am the husband and fall in the want to category.

It's usually the women who want to dance.

I'm lucky in that my soon-to-be husband is very interested in learning to dance, which is wonderful as dancing is a big part of my life. However, I think that when your spouse/love interest is not interested in dancing, there is nothing wrong with going to dances alone (if you are uncomfortable having him sit while you dance, though I find that some people really enjoy watching others dance when they are not interested in learning themselves.) Most people are there simply because they love dancing, and even if you did convince him or her to go and take a lesson or two, you would most likely end up dancing with plenty of other leads or follows anyway. Most people, even those who come as couples, dance with others as well. It’s a great way to learn and to really improve your style and technique, and doing so is highly encouraged in group classes for these reasons.

Perhaps women are more inclined to be interested in dancing on the whole, but I have quite a few male friends who can’t seem to find a woman who is interested in dancing or least making an attempt at learning (and this is an important quality for their dates to have.)

Just finished part one

Bonniejean and I just finished the first 8 weeks of dance lessons, Waltz, Fox Trot, and some Swing, loved it. We'll take part two starting in June. It's not hard if you have a good teacher. Just remember everyone else is just starting out too.

My wife and I dance regularly. In fact we have taken weekend vacations to go dancing. As an example, we flew to Orlando once to see Luis Miguel sing in concert one evening, and then went Latin (Salsa, Merengue) dancing at Universal. We've done the same at other locations like Miami at the Estefan's Coco Bongos club, New Orleans at Cafe do Brasil, etc.

M8

I'm lucky because my boyfriend wants to learn to dance just as much as I do. The hard part is finding the time to take lessons! He works in retail full time, and goes to school part time, while I do the reverse, so our schedules don't mesh very well. Oh well, someday we'll find the time.

I met my late wife at a NY Swing Dance Society dance, so we always went together. She was really an elite dancer, astounding to watch. I always aspired to minimal competence. However I must say, I'm a pretty good basic dancer, which is what really counts. The friend at work who bamboozled me into taking ballroom dancing lessons 21 years ago married a really great guy who dances like a drop out from the Frankenstein School of Dance. But he makes a game effort, which she appreciates.
When my wife and I used to go dancing, I always said that she went mainly for the dancing, but also enjoyed the music, whereas I went for the music (we always had terrific full big bands in those days, actually, we still do), but also enjoyed the dancing. Luckily for me, a couple years ago I met another wonderful lady, also at NYSDS, and even tho she's more on my level of dancer, we still enjoy it a lot.
I think the guys should give it shot. It's really fun and you DON"T have to be flashy to be good. Just learn the basics, learn to lead, and you will have one happy lady on your hands. Believe me guys, believe me! It's a great feeling to have a woman melt in your arms!

A few years ago at the Mercury Cafe, there was an informal dance competition where people danced with various partners and were rated by them as to how good they were to dance with. Most of the people who did well were not the hottest, flashiest dancers.

I gave up years ago on that one.But we have reached a compromise, and i don't nag him about it anymore and he has no problem with me going out dancing with my male friends.Of course, I would love to go dancing with the one I love but, oh well,...c'est la vie..he cooks me dinner everynight, I guess we can't always have it all

dhermann1 said:

I met my late wife at a NY Swing Dance Society dance, so we always went together. She was really an elite dancer, astounding to watch. I always aspired to minimal competence. However I must say, I'm a pretty good basic dancer, which is what really counts. The friend at work who bamboozled me into taking ballroom dancing lessons 21 years ago married a really great guy who dances like a drop out from the Frankenstein School of Dance. But he makes a game effort, which she appreciates.
When my wife and I used to go dancing, I always said that she went mainly for the dancing, but also enjoyed the music, whereas I went for the music (we always had terrific full big bands in those days, actually, we still do), but also enjoyed the dancing. Luckily for me, a couple years ago I met another wonderful lady, also at NYSDS, and even tho she's more on my level of dancer, we still enjoy it a lot.
I think the guys should give it shot. It's really fun and you DON"T have to be flashy to be good. Just learn the basics, learn to lead, and you will have one happy lady on your hands. Believe me guys, believe me! It's a great feeling to have a woman melt in your arms!

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This is a really nice story to read. I just wanted to say thank you for posting it.

And you're right when you say that you don't have to be flashy to be good. I just want to add that you don't have to be "good" to have fun! Beginners usually have more fun than anyone!

Becky said:

. . . or not, is there no hope for one's spouse to learn to like dancing ?? I love dancing, but my spouse says he hates it. It has something to do with having people looking at him, maybe a form of stage fright. (??) I don't know. I've expressed to him that I'll am taking lessons and I'll go by myself if I have to, as most people who go. They then pair up and switch partners during instruction anyway.
Also should I worry about him sitting at a table while I dance with others (you know, the dancing with other men, since you don't dance) There's great people to hang with and great music for listening if he doesn't want to dance. I understand that many people have great dance partners that aren't usually their spouse anyway. I come from a family of social dancers; any occaision was a good enough reason to dance !

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When I googled, Fedora Lounge Dancing, I was amazed how many threads there are, so glad I didn't start yet another. My wife and I are life long Latin & Ballroom dancers with a good number of social and other dances in our repertoire, all of which are on VHS and I don't have a clue how to transfer them to digital, but no matter. Since my hip replacement we have been learning new dances that don't stress the hip transplant. The first is a dance known as Balboa, it's a close coupled dance that takes all the disciplines of jive and keeps them confined, a great help on a crowded dance floor. It's danced here by our friends, Paul and Natasha, formerly an item but nowadays they have new partners, but still dance together. The second dance, also of Jive background is one that is taking much more time to learn. It's a slow jive.
The music for the first dance is Minor Swing by Django Rheinhardt and the second is Chris Barber's: Petite Fleur.

Count me as another fellow who loves to dance. Although I trend towards self-consciousness in other areas, for some reason I just let go and have fun on the dance floor. When we first moved to Vienna we fell into a group of six couples and we would all go out dancing together at least once a month. It was so much fun. Sadly, since those few years, everyone in that group has relocated to far flung spots. My wife and I still occasionally go out to dance but not so often. I’ve never quite figured out why most guys don’t like to dance. The masculine fear of getting laughed at? The logical mind not being able to sync with spontaneous music? I don’t know. But many is the party I’ve gone to where I was one of the few guys who liked to dance and I was enjoyably in high demand all evening. Good times.

I've been both. Many years ago, an ex-girlfriend bullied and emotionally blackmailed me into going to lindy-hop lessons - in large part by lying to me that I wouldn't have to dance with anyone else (I learned otherwise within ten minutes of starting the class). I was okay with the first few weeks (which ,in retrospect, were basic jive), but then we got the the intermediate level and I struggled a bit, not helped by the fact that half the women in the class had clearly taken it before, and seemed keen to show off by always going that bit further than the lesson currently was. I tried to stick at it, but the ex was, I think, either embarrassed that I was the class dunce, or had already lost interest herself (short attention span and prone to six-week interests, as I recall) - likely both - and bullied and emotionally blackmailed me into leaving the class. Frankly, having had a bucket load of the Lindy Hoppers*, it was easier than getting me to go to begin with. I never danced with that ex, or anyone else, in a public place after that. Years later I discovered jive, a welcoming, friendly community, great fun nights and people who danced because they loved the music (it's weirdly common among Lindy Hoppers - per definition below - in my experience that they're not even vaguely interested in the music, it's just a sound to move to. Never did comprehend that, as to me the joy of jive has always been rooted in love of the music first and formost), and I've been very happy with that since. Herself hasn't been well this last year so we haven't had much chance to dance, but it' improving now, so hopefully going forward we'll be out more.

In my experience, it's usually the men who are reluctant to dance, either because they are of the mindset that knowing how to dance or enjoying it is "a bit gay", or they worry that their pals will think so. If somebody is already into the 50s or earlier thing, though, there's a much greater chance of them not being bothered by that sort of nonsense. Definitely, though, fragile masculinity is the major bugbear I see. After that, social shyness. I'm still not a fan of dancing with a stranger, though neither I nor Herself would think twice of either of us dancing with someone else (actually, she's the shyer about that as a rule; I'm fine if it's someone I know). Anyone who knows these dance scenes is generally aware that these social dances are not automatically places where asking someone to dance is necessarily a fixed part of a mating ritual aimed at seduction. That being the case, anyone objecting to an innocent dance between their partner and someone else has other issues going on.

*Let me just qualify this: in all my experience since, I have learned there are two types of people with lindy - there are good people who dance lindy hop, and then there are Lindy Hoppers. The former like the music, are wonderful social dancers, and good company. The latter turn up at club nights, taken up half the seating with their bags of towels and extra shoes, sneak in their own drinks, take over the dance floor by forcing their pre-set routines and practice triangle on everyone else, and generally ruin it for regulars. I've seen it far, far too often and heard of it in too many places for it not to be a significant phenomenon, though I readily acknowledge that it is not all people who happen to dance lindy hop. Just the Lindy Hoppers. The absolute end of Lindy for me was the day one of them said to me a few years ago "Oh, you jive? Well, when you're ready to graduate to lindy hop let me know..."

I started lindy in high school (long, long ago). I stopped after getting married to a husband who wasn't interested. I've been divorced from him for quite some time and never met anyone interested in the swing dance societies.
Well, I got back into it a few years ago. I'm addicted! A jitterbug junkie! Once I hear the music my alter ego, The swing Kid, comes to life. My only regret is that I've waited so long, and now the arthritis is kicking up a storm