You know you are getting old when:

HudsonHawk · Jun 16, 2019

tonyb said:
As observed well over a decade ago in the hats forum here on the FL, it’s always best to wear the hat, and not the other way around. An awkward self-consciousness is not what most of us would choose to project.

The statements we wish to make with our visual presentations to the world change over time. We aren’t quite the same people we were a dozen years ago.

It’s not just clothes. The sight of a paunchy older fellow with an elaborate combover getting out of a late-model Corvette in a supermarket parking lot would have people thinking the Viagra didn’t work.

I promised myself many years ago that I would never be the guy who pretends he has more hair than he actually does. In my teens and 20s, I had a beautiful head of thick, wavy hair, the girls used to love to run their hands through it and tell me they wish they had hair like this. It's gone now, and I'm ok with that. If anyone ever mentions my lack of hair now, I just say "you should have seen me 30 years ago...it would have made you curl up in a ball and cry".

I do wear a hat most of the time outdoors because my head is either freezing or broiling. I'd like to think they are stylish, but it's a far more practical matter.

Tiki Tom · Jun 16, 2019

If you really want to feel old, invisible, irrelevant, and out-of-touch, I strongly recommend attending a Pride Parade with your 20 year old kid. Worked like a charm for me.

tonyb · Jun 16, 2019

HudsonHawk said:
I promised myself many years ago that I would never be the guy who pretends he has more hair than he actually does. In my teens and 20s, I had a beautiful head of thick, wavy hair, the girls used to love to run their hands through it and tell me they wish they had hair like this. It's gone now, and I'm ok with that. If anyone ever mentions my lack of hair now, I just say "you should have seen me 30 years ago...it would have made you curl up in a ball and cry".

I do wear a hat most of the time outdoors because my head is either freezing or broiling. I'd like to think they are stylish, but it's a far more practical matter.

I started going bald long before you did. Unmistakable signs of it reared their shiny heads in my late teens.

Like you, though, I have zero interest in disguising my alopecia. Never did. And it had its advantages. It had me getting into bars years ahead of schedule, and it saved me the time and trouble of dating superficial young women. (If my baldness kept me off your list, sister, that’s just as well, because if you ever got to know me, you’d find that the least of my unfavorable attributes.)

Used to work with a guy who wore a rug. He’s on the short side of average, has a bit of a beak, and without the rug he looked 70 when he was 40. He spent a considerable amount in keeping his fake hair from looking too fake. It involved frequent visits to the rug shop. He had two hairpieces, because when he went in for a haircut and dyeing and whatnot, the rug he came in with was kept for servicing (new hair woven in or something) and the other one was slapped atop his noggin. For him, it was worth it.

The hats I rarely step outside without aren’t there to hide the baldness at all, but to protect me from the elements. And if I’m gonna wear hats, they way as well be good ones. Those bestowed with full heads of hair might not appreciate what a driving rain feels like on a hairless noggin. They’ve never experienced a thoroughly sunburned scalp.

Right off the top of my shiny head, I can name three friends who have been treated for skin cancers in recent years. I’d rather be spared that myself.

Miss Moonlight · Jun 18, 2019

GHT said:
What you are experiencing is mood change, happens to most of us. In another thread I admitted that, when younger, I was influenced by trends. Perhaps by peer pressure or self imposed, but not anymore. Trends are fickle, style is class and timeless.

A wiggle, wiggle dress on a younger woman can accentuate her body, but on the more stylish, graceful body of the distinguished lady it can, from the rear, look like two wrestlers fighting under a blanket.

Well as I said, my body's no different. I still could rock the wiggle dress, I just don't want to. It really isn't about how my body or face might or might not change, but how I feel. Perhaps mood change works for that.

Fading Fast said:
If it helps, the codicil to 100% wearing what you want is that you can choose not to. ~snip~ Personally, I'm happier with my life now than I was in my 20s, so that helps. Just my two cents.

It doesn't bother me to feel older, really. I don't feel 'my age' most of the time, until I think of putting on that dress ,but it's something I think about more and more and I think about how I want to age. lol Oh my life is of course so much better for me, too, than when any time before now, and that's for a lot of reasons. I certainly hope to never go backward... no regression for me.

tonyb said:
The statements we wish to make with our visual presentations to the world change over time. We aren’t quite the same people we were a dozen years ago.

I love that. That is the closet thing to what I'm awkwardly trying to say.

scottyrocks · Jun 18, 2019

Miss Moonlight said:
Well as I said, my body's no different. I still could rock the wiggle dress, I just don't want to. It really isn't about how my body or face might or might not change, but how I feel. Perhaps mood change works for that.

It doesn't bother me to feel older, really. I don't feel 'my age' most of the time, until I think of putting on that dress ,but it's something I think about more and more and I think about how I want to age. lol Oh my life is of course so much better for me, too, than when any time before now, and that's for a lot of reasons. I certainly hope to never go backward... no regression for me.

I love that. That is the closet thing to what I'm awkwardly trying to say.

We go out to a rock club occasionally. There are a lot of them around here, and with the explosion of tribute bands, much of the clientele is, shall we say, more mature than your average rave club.

Invariably, there is always at least one woman who is, for all intents and purposes, that knockout hottie, wearing the right stuff to show off her figure, whether it's tight pants and a revealing top, and perfect hair, etc. Then she spins around while she's dancing up front, at the band's feet, and she's about 60 years old.

Now, nothing wrong with any of this, but, to the point of what we're talking about, these women, still in really good shape, do wear some of the same types of clothes they wore as far back as 40 years prior, and seem to be comfortable doing so. And more power to 'em! But not everybody feels (or still looks) that way, judging by what I see in these places.

Basically, it's all how one feels about it. Most of us mature in both mind and body. The bodies of some lucky few hang onto their youth, at least judging from the outside of their clothing. And some of those few exercise their right to keep dressing and partying like they're half their age. Whatever floats one's boat, ya know?

Fading Fast · Jun 18, 2019

scottyrocks said:
We go out to a rock club occasionally. There are a lot of them around here, and with the explosion of tribute bands, much of the clientele is, shall we say, more mature than your average rave club.

Invariably, there is always at least one woman who is, for all intents and purposes, that knockout hottie, wearing the right stuff to show off her figure, whether it's tight pants and a revealing top, and perfect hair, etc. Then she spins around while she's dancing up front, at the band's feet, and she's about 60 years old.

Now, nothing wrong with any of this, but, to the point of what we're talking about, these women, still in really good shape, do wear some of the same types of clothes they wore as far back as 40 years prior, and seem to be comfortable doing so. And more power to 'em! But not everybody feels (or still looks) that way, judging by what I see in these places.

Basically, it's all how one feels about it. Most of us mature in both mind and body. The bodies of some lucky few hang onto their youth, at least judging from the outside of their clothing. And some of those few exercise their right to keep dressing and partying like they're half their age. Whatever floats one's boat, ya know?

I'm on Fedora Lounge in part because I love how people (as portrayed in movies) dressed in the Golden Era, which I learned about from watching old movies as a kid in the '70s. I like that overall aesthetic, but contradictory, I think the generation today probably has it right with its dress-however-the-heck-you-want-to view.

I'll admit, I used to think (never say), "that outfit is inappropriate for that person's age or body," but I don't any more as I think I get it - the younger view is that everyone should dress to make him or herself happy and to heck with what others think. I still dress with a view of "what's appropriate for my age, the venue, etc." as that's just how I was raised and think, but I sincerely no longer judge (in my mind) others' attire as I respect the intent of the new approach.

I'll close with a repeat - I know what I think is contradictory because I'll go to a nice restaurant and still half wish everyone dressed nicely (by traditional standards) as I think that way looked nicer and was consistent with the architecture and decor of the restaurant, but I, then, think, "heck, if that guy is happier in shorts, a T-shirt and backward baseball cap what's wrong with that?"

Interestingly, nine out of ten times, backward-baseball-cap guy's wife or girlfriend will be dressed up. And that says it all, even within couples, the view is everyone should just dress how they want.

tonyb · Jun 18, 2019

The older I get, the more I dislike any sort of attire that screams “look at me!”

It’s not that my opinion should matter to the person with multiple facial tattoos and a day-glo Mohawk. Nor, for that matter, should my opinion count for much to the person who wouldn’t step outside without every little piece of well-researched period-correct 1940s vintage attire worn just so. I might prefer the latter look myself, but in both cases I find myself thinking, man, you’re just trying too hard.

When “the look” wears the person, rather than the other way around, the person is making a statement perhaps not quite the intended one. What is says is “superficiality.” The line can be hard to distinguish sometimes, but I trust that most of us recognize when it’s been crossed.

LizzieMaine · Jun 18, 2019

I follow the teachings of Elizabeth Hawes in that I believe people should dress for themselves, for practicality, and for comfort -- which, for me, translates into simple homemade cotton shirtwaist dresses -- garments I cut and sew to actually fit my body, because there is nothing off the rack that fits me right. There isn't a pair of pants made that I can comfortably wear without being bound in places I'd rather not be bound -- the closest I've come is a pair of Army surplus ski pants I wear when I shovel snow, and even those have areas that chafe. Jeans are far too "form fitting" these days for my form, and I blanch at the thought of encasing myself in anything like leggings or yoga pants. And most of the dresses sold today would make me look like a living room chair.

As far as "dressing up" goes, I no longer own any "dressy" clothes that fit and I'm inclined neither to buy any or make any for the limited use I would get out of them. For me, dressy means I take off my head scarf and let my hair down, and maybe brush the cat hair off my sweater. Otherwise, I wear the same thing on "dressy" occasions that I wear every day at work.

GHT · Jun 18, 2019

Fading Fast said:
I'll close with a repeat - I know what I think is contradictory because I'll go to a nice restaurant and still half wish everyone dressed nicely (by traditional standards) as I think that way looked nicer and was consistent with the architecture and decor of the restaurant, but I, then, think, "heck, if that guy is happier in shorts, a T-shirt and backward baseball cap what's wrong with that?"

Interestingly, nine out of ten times, backward-baseball-cap guy's wife or girlfriend will be dressed up. And that says it all, even within couples, the view is everyone should just dress how they want.

Quite, dress down if it you are happy that way, but I just can't. Going out to a restaurant is as much about recreation as it is hunger, I note Tony's view about look at me. Wearing a neck tie with a complimentary outfit will get me noticed. Nowadays the dressed for the occasion appearance has become the dayglo Mohican.

We dined out twice last weekend, what we noticed more than attire, was the fact that we were probably the only diners who didn't have a phone on the table, and probably too, the only people who didn't have any need to refer to it. Today's standards are not mine, if that's going to get me noticed, so be it. But I do agree with Fading Fast, if you are happy wearing simple clothes and you don't mind sharing your fellow diners company with their phones, good luck to you. But I'm still going to dress up and leave my phone at home.

tonyb · Jun 18, 2019

If I envy American women anything, it would be that y’all get to wear dresses, which appear considerably more comfortable than shirts and pants.

My lovely missus has half a dozen plain cotton dresses, all identical except for their colors. She calls them “workhorse dresses.” She has a walk-in closet full of clothes, and a couple plastic bins holding out-of-season attire. For all of that, though, she wears one of those half dozen workhorses most days. A cardigan (or not), a scarf (or not), a bit of bling (or not) imparts some variation on the look.

LizzieMaine · Jun 18, 2019

In addition to my dresses, which I wear until they disintegrate (I currently have six in active use, the most recent one made last winter), I own two cardigan sweaters -- one of which one of the Kids gave me for my birthday four years ago, and which is a sacred icon, the other of which I bought for a buck at Goodwill maybe ten years ago, and which has a darned hole at one elbow and two buttons missing. I've also got a grey Pendleton wool jacket that I've had maybe fifteen years, and which is an array of mends and patches. And an eighty-year-old Harris Tweed winter coat with worn-out buttonholes reworked in embroidery floss that kind of matches if you look at it under the right light. And that's pretty much my entire active wardrobe. The most expensive item is the coat, for which I paid twenty dollars, and which I'll keep wearing until I can no longer button it (if there's an incentive for me to lose weight, that would be it.)

Oh, and I have five headscarves -- two faded grey-blue, and two yellowish-tan, and one solid red one that I only wear once a year, on International Workers' Day.

tonyb · Jun 18, 2019

I got a bunch of really quite nice vintage clothes, most of which I can’t wear because I’ve gained weight.

I’ll get back into those clothes eventually. Of course I will. Sooner or later. You can take it to the bank.

In the meanwhile, those old duds are safely stored.

tonyb · Jun 18, 2019

As to the necktie ...

I got a hundred or more of the things, most of them older than me. I rarely wear any of them anymore, but I have no interest in selling them either. They don’t take up much room, and I don’t discount the possibility I’ll readopt some small degree of dandyness in my dotage.

tonyb · Jun 18, 2019

GHT said:
Quite, dress down if it you are happy that way, but I just can't. Going out to a restaurant is as much about recreation as it is hunger, I note Tony's view about look at me. Wearing a neck tie with a complimentary outfit will get me noticed. Nowadays the dressed for the occasion appearance has become the dayglo Mohican.

We dined out twice last weekend, what we noticed more than attire, was the fact that we were probably the only diners who didn't have a phone on the table, and probably too, the only people who didn't have any need to refer to it. Today's standards are not mine, if that's going to get me noticed, so be it. But I do agree with Fading Fast, if you are happy wearing simple clothes and you don't mind sharing your fellow diners company with their phones, good luck to you. But I'm still going to dress up and leave my phone at home.

Over here in God’s Country the necktie remains all but mandatory for men in most white-collar business settings.

LizzieMaine · Jun 18, 2019

I never see ties in the bank any more, not even on supervisors -- they all wear polo shirts now. The only people here who wear ties are lawyers and defendants.

tonyb · Jun 19, 2019

^^^^^
Polo shirts? Gawd. I recommend those things only on guys who look good shirtless. (Suffice to say I don’t wear polo shirts.)

I see too many unfortunate fellows having to wear polo shirts as part of a work uniform, often with the company logo embroidered over the left man boob. I’m talking parking lot attendants here, and janitorial workers and the like.

ChiTownScion · Jun 19, 2019

I wear a suit and tie to every lodge meeting. Other lodges in my fraternity make do with polo shirts, and some mandate tuxes, so I suppose we're in the middle of the spectrum.

When my mother lodge was chartered in 1916, it was known as a "silk stocking" lodge. Degree nights, officer installations, and official visits from Grand Lodge officers mandated full white tie. That stopped during the Great Depression, when black tie became the substitution for those occasions. That continued through my years there. Now, it's slacks and polo shirts for most.

The argument about dress codes is a hot one in the fraternity: you want the occasion to be dignified, yet you don't want members to fail to show up, either because time after work is too short or because someone cannot afford nicer clothes.

tonyb · Jun 19, 2019

How many restaurants requiring coat and tie exist anymore? I recall a couple such places keeping loaner ties on hand, but that’s been quite awhile.

When we high school senior boys went to the photo studio to get our yearbook pictures taken we showed up dressed any old way we wished, but we were put in white shirts and coats and ties before we were plopped down before the camera. It wouldn’t have mattered if we were naked from the waist down.

I recall paging through my mom’s high school yearbooks and noting that all the girls were photographed in black sweaters and pearls. To a person.

Bushman · Jun 19, 2019

tonyb said:
How many restaurants requiring coat and tie exist anymore? I recall a couple such places keeping loaner ties on hand, but that’s been quite awhile.

With the ratio of people who wear clothes with comfort in mind far outweighing the shirt tuckers, it's just not business savvy to enforce a dress code in a restaurant. I've seen only ever seen exactly one bar that had a dress code posted outside their door, and like most, just kept walking.

Trenchfriend · Jun 19, 2019

Good topic, my loungers!

I thought about the neckties on the female staff members of our Deutsche Bahn AG and the only explanation in my mind is the option to protect their necks on the cold and drafty station platforms, here.

in-dienstkleidung-und-am-arbeitsplatz-das-junge-w_full.jpg

You know you are getting old when:

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