Elderly Parents and Bad Illness

Part 1
About Mom, some of the Southern California people that were able to come to my May Backyard BBQ got to meet my mom Edith who is 79. Sadly her health failed quite rapidly in October so I copied two emails to get you up on what is going on, feel the need to share this because it is a great burden on my mind.


Here's the breakdownfrom just a few days ago: aboout 5 weeks ago mom had the stomach flu and just did not seem to bounce back from it as she usually does. Three weeks ago she seemed quiter than normal, not talking much and not involve in things, starting stuff but not following thru. (AboUt 7-10 day after the fact I found a load of wash damp in the dryer and damp in the washer.) she stopped cooking for herself and was not eating much. About two weeks back I found that other than to go to the bathroom she spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday in bed. Not talking much. I though a flu bug as she had vomited acouple of time when I brought food. She was acting kinda strange too. Sunday the 7th She was not doing so hot and when I gave her food she did not eat. I gave her a big glass of cold water which had been thru the Brita filter, from that she took 2 sips and then made a face. I asked what was wrong and she said the water tasted funny. I tried it and it was fine but an alarm went off in my head, stange tastes and smells are a sign of a brain problem. So Monday morning I dressed her (she was not really getting dressed for about a week nor watching any TV.) Plopped her in the wheel chair (for trips and sightseeing stuff) and then drove her to her Doctor (D) so that I could describe the problems, and changes I had noted. I wanted her to be seen by someone who knew her so they could see these changes too. Doctor D gave me a list of tests to have done on the prescription pad and said straight to the emergency room. We got there showed the prescription got her registered and in in about 90 minutes. Before they had her in the bed or the gown on they took blood and took her for a CAT scan.. At about 5pm the doctor said there was a small leakage of blood on her brain above and to the right of her right eye. They wanted to do more tests but had to want for her kidneys to imporove, she was dehydrated. So a couple days later the MRI told them there was a 2 inch mass where the bleeding was occurring. After some days they moved her to where she is now as the neurosugeons team works out of there. Sunday 10/14 they operated on her 2-1/2 hours. Good news bad news, the tumor is not a brain tumor but migrated from some wheres else. Good news as that made it much easier to remove, as it does not go into the brain, not get intertwined like a brain tumor. So it is easier to get it al and remove it, bad news is it came from somewheres and now they have to find out where to see if there is a tumor there. It takes about 2 weeks to thoroughly test it and the tests may reveal its origin. With a little luck it will be something they can treat easily. Mom has a lot of people praying for her so that is very positive, and we will hopefully have a good resolution.

Part II

Both Chris and I were in this afternoon to visit mom and were there at the same time. mom has been moved BACK to ICU room #9, and she still has a small fever of about 99.9 degrees F. This is believed to be as an infection is in her body possibly in her blood. The steriods that are used to aid healing from the brain surgery also wind up lowering her immune system. She has had a change of her ability to speak which is none now, she can moan a bit and voices her distress, although we are not sure if she has any pain or if it is purely frustration. She did actually looks better today than yesterday from the use of antibiotics but the loss of the ability to speak is most upsetting to us.

The coordinating doctor had found my brother as Chris was on his way out. (Chris was on his way to see his father in law at another hosiptal. Tessies dad is 96 and had a bad time but has recooperated enough so they may send him home in a day or so.)

Doctor Seti asked if he could speak with us to give us a better picture of what is up with mom. Firstly, mom still has a good chance of recoviering from this operation but is in a state right now where she needs to improve, other wise she may not recover and remain ill and incapacitated for a long time. She can still have a bad turn and get worse in which case she may then die. He felt that the next 2 to 3 days would probably be the time in which we'll see how it will go.

Should time come that you speak to mom please do NOT tell her about this:
The doctor said if she does recover and gets better she may have extended her life weeks, months or even possibly years, but the concern is now over the tumor they removed. They have done all of the tests and can't use it to say where the origin is for this mass. He described this Cancer as a more primitive type that as such can be situated in many areas of the body. They have not found the origin from any scans as it is probably too small to be picked up and that it may actually be in numerous areas of her body at this time. Depending on the stress and her ability to recover, it is still probably a matter of time before another tumor flares up and creates a problem. He said that if she was 20 years younger she would have the stregth and resistance to survive cancer treatment but right now and looking to the future he doubts that they will be able to treat it. Again the time table can be weeks, months, years, we simply do not know.

So, some bad news but still there is hope, so we ask for your prayers in this for healing, health, guidance for the doctors and nurses.

John in Covina said:

... we ask for your prayers in this for healing, health, guidance for the doctors and nurses.

Click to expand...

You have them. hugs to you and yours.

John in Covina said:

so we ask for your prayers in this for healing, health, guidance for the doctors and nurses.

Click to expand...

You got it.


--Not the Lulu
--Lulu

Definitely will be praying for you and your mom. I pray for peace that passeth all understanding. Sandy

Will keep you and your mother in my prayers, John.....Peace be with you.

About 12 or 13 years ago my late mother in law had a very serious operation to remove an intestinal blockage. She was 79 at the time. When she came out of the anesthesia she was, of course, a real mess, and miserable. The doctors started giving her Prozac, intravenously, as I recall. I believe they said that the antidepressant effect would help her heal. It did just that. She recovered fully, like gangbusters, in fact, and had five more very happy years. You might ask the Dr if this could help your mom.
My thoughts and prayers, of course, go out.
One other thing. In your situation, it can be a real chore comforting your comforters. Don't have any compunction about telling people not to visit if it's a strain on her. Of course if they help, then great, but if not, mom's needs come first. And by the same token, you need to take care of yourself. I get the impression you have good family support. Utilize it. Good luck.

John, I will be sending many prayers, good thoughts and meditations your way; to you, your mom and all of your friends and family members.

Brooksie

You're in my thoughts and prayers, John. You didn't have to ask - you were from the first post you had on the topic. I cared for my mom the last decade or so of her life after she had a debilitating stroke, and echoing others - don't forget to look out for yourself, and don't be afraid to tell people NOT to visit at times you know she's not up to it. That said - the older you get, the longer it takes to bounce back from any invasive surgery. Just try to go with the flow (I know - easier said than done it seems) and know she'll probably have a string of good days and then some bad, and sometimes it looks the bleakest before a big step forward. And do NOT be afraid to scream bloody murder and move up the chain of command if you feel she's not getting the proper care or they're being a little careless or you don't understand what's going on. Right now she needs a lot of rest to recover, and she's probably scared because she can't talk. Just keep telling her that'll pass and not to worry about it now.

I hope all goes well with your mom!! It's so difficutly having to deal with this, I am sure.

Many thanks!

I thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and good suggestions.

The hospital called and said she was in a bad spell after i left but were continueing the antibiotics. They needed permission to go with a new type of IV to replace what she had, i gave the go ahead as it should help them give her the meds she needs. Talked to my brother and he agreed.

I will be calling in the morning to she how she is doing and decide if I can go to work for part of the day or need to be with her. If the antibiotics kick in she should improve. The cardiologist said she has a strong heart, hope she can get thru this and improve.

John

If you go see her, give her a hug from us all.

You, your mom, and the rest of your family will be in my prayers.

Don't really know you as I'm new here but I can empathize with your position. Just went through a similar stretch with my grandmother. I hope the situation improves for you.

eightbore

I can't imagine how tough this must be for you, this hour-by-hour what-if's you're dealing with. All I can say is that my thoughts are with you and your family,

All the best John. I have everything crossed for your mum and you.

Hang in there John. My prayers are with you. I went through this with my Father a couple years ago and understand what you are going through.

John, this is one of the hardest parts of life, a very scary roller coaster ride where you can't see the track ahead, but must hope for the best (as do I).

"Is there a truth sweeter than hope?"

It's a tough situation when your parent becomes frail after being a strong influence in your life for so long. I pray she can spend as much more time as possible here with you as is possible.