Non-traditional engagement rings

Samsa · Dec 9, 2007

Hello ladies -

I am poking my head into the Powder Room in hopes that I can get your help on engagement rings, specifically non-traditional ones. My fiancee is morally opposed to diamonds, and does not want to consider any sort of diamond on her engagement ring (be it new or vintage). She very much likes the idea of a pearl set in a traditional band, but the problem there is that pearls are very soft compared to diamonds, and easily damaged/scratched.

I guess my question is: how many of you have non-traditional engagement rings? If so, what sort of gem does it have? (if indeed it has one). Do any of you have pearl rings? Can you speak to how easily they are in fact damaged?

Thanks!

****

I hesitated to post in the Powder Room, but according to the FAQ us menfolk are not technically banned, so I thought I'd give it a shot. If this is the wrong room for such a thread, please feel free to move it over to the Observation Bar or another room.

I did find the following threads slightly on topic, but nothing really that addressed my particular situation:

http://www.thefedoralounge.com/showthread.php?t=6245&highlight=rings
http://www.thefedoralounge.com/showthread.php?t=19561&highlight=rings
http://www.thefedoralounge.com/showthread.php?t=25136&highlight=rings

Josephine · Dec 9, 2007

I have an "untraditional" engagement ring. I don't care for diamonds, emeralds are my favorite, that's what is in my ring (though it does have diamond chips in the sides). Hubby just went to a jewelry store and picked a nice emerald ring. It's not even in a "traditional" setting, the setting is swirled.

I really would not recommend a pearl ring as an engagement ring, you are correct in that they are easily damaged. I have two pearl rings that I only wear for very special occasions because of this. I would get her an engagement ring with another stone that she likes, then get her a pearl ring for a wedding present. Good luck and congrats!

Ada Veen · Dec 9, 2007

thinly veiled excuse to show off engagement ring...

I'm not really answering your question, but my engagement ring is diamond, but is vintage - is your intended morally opposed to vintage diamonds as well as newly-bought ones?

sorry samsa, I couldn't resist

KittyT · Dec 9, 2007

There are also places that specialize in blood-free diamonds. Here are some articles about finding a blood-free diamond:

http://www.newconsumer.com/news/item/how_to_buy_blood_free_diamonds/
http://jewelry.about.com/cs/diamondmining/a/diamonds.htm
http://www.stopblooddiamonds.org/

I do not have an engagement ring, but I know people who have engagement rings with a variety of stones, including sapphire, emerald and ruby. I also know people who have purchases necklaces instead of rings as their engagement gift.

Miss_Bella_Hell · Dec 9, 2007

My grandmother's engagement ring has become mine - and guess what? It's a pearl. I wear it every day and I have for years. It is still perfect, and I'm accident prone. Here are some images. Sorry they're so blurry, hopefully you get the idea. It's a gorgeous setting, I get tons of compliments on it.

pennyseranade · Dec 9, 2007

I do know pearls are very delicate and not well suited for everyday wear. For an non-diamond engagement ring, a gemstone (sappire, ruby, emerald) choose her favorite, or her birthstone if it is a precious gem and have it set as a solitare in a traditional setting. You could even use white sapphires as accent stones either surrounding the main stone, or as side stones.

Check out "the look"...this ring is surrounded by diamonds, but the style would be beautiful with smaller surround stones in white sapphires or even by itself.

http://www.bluenile.com/product_det...ow_all_pages=1&col=3&row=10&pos=30&set_shape=

Good luck and Congrats! Make sure you show us the ring you decide on. After she does of course!

Miss_Bella_Hell · Dec 9, 2007

[huh] I'm tellin ya, my grandmother wore it for years and now I have, and my pearl's in great condition. [huh]

pennyseranade · Dec 9, 2007

I stand corrected...

Miss_Bella_Hell said:
[huh] I'm tellin ya, my grandmother wore it for years and now I have, and my pearl's in great condition. [huh]

[huh] I always thought you had to be careful with them...I am so careful with my pearl strands...and never looked at rings for that reason. It's good to know they can take frequent wear.

Miss_Bella_Hell · Dec 9, 2007

pennyseranade said:
[huh] I always thought you had to be careful with them...I am so careful with my pearl strands...and never looked at rings for that reason. It's good to know they can take frequent wear.

Well, I might just be lucky.

But ultimately, if she wants a pearl I'd get her a pearl. A pearl will cost less than a diamond, and if you have to replace the pearl once or twice, it should be manageable.

pennyseranade · Dec 9, 2007

Miss_Bella_Hell said:
My grandmother's engagement ring has become mine - and guess what? It's a pearl. I wear it every day and I have for years. It is still perfect, and I'm accident prone. Here are some images. Sorry they're so blurry, hopefully you get the idea. It's a gorgeous setting, I get tons of compliments on it.

It is a beautiful ring...And you're right in that the pearl can be replaced over time if need be.

Helen Troy · Dec 9, 2007

When I proposed to my man, we were still poor students. But I thought it would be romantic to propose to him with a ring and all, so I just went out and bought a very plain silver band. Almost like a wedding band, only in silver. The next day, he got me one to mach. Only that the ring I bought was not a "real" engagement ring, (engagement rings are ridicolusly expensive,) meaning that it did not come in his and hers versions. So we got a similar ring, but not an exact match. We were still very happy, they did the job as a personal token of love and commitment.

Off course, things are different in USA. In Norway, the engagement rings have only recently become fashionable again, so there almost no traditions as to how they should look. And I had allready broken the traditions by proposing to him, and not he other way around....

I know I don't actually answer your question, I just want to say that I think any ring can do as an engagement ring. As long as it's thoughtfull and personal, it will be appreciated!

jonniangel · Dec 9, 2007

I have a pearl wedding ring

Because of my fascination with the Anne of Green Gables series, I have a "hoop of pearls" which is like an eternity ring but set with pearls instead of diamonds (in the books Anne was given such a ring as an engagement ring) and I wear it as my wedding ring. It has tiny little pearls set low into it so they are less likely to be scratched. It was purchased from the Sundance catalog and they have lovely, unusual handcrafted rings, many with pearls. It might be a place to begin your search.

I deal with brides often (husband photographs weddings, I do some coordination) and it's ALWAYS refreshing to see someone that can think away from the crowd. I say go for the ring she reallly wants!

Congratulations to you both and many happy years!!

KittenHasCurves · Dec 9, 2007

Diamonds arent the only gemstone used to fund conflict, if thats her moral objection. All gemstones and precious metals have been traded with bloody histories, diamonds just have had more value for their size.

Your best bet would be to choose a nice vintage ruby or sapphire, but of course if she wants a pearl (which are beautiful) I would try to get her a pearl. After you are married she may prefer to just wear a band anyway so the durability wont be as much of an issue. I take my rings off when cleaning or doing anything else manual to protect them.

Samsa · Dec 10, 2007

Thanks so much for your input, everyone! I really appreciate it.

MissBellaHell - thanks a lot for the photographs, that helps a lot. I showed my fiancee this thread and she was reassured that your pearl has remained in good condition after so many years of wear.

We'll now definitely be going with a pearl ring (which is what she truly wants, after all), and vintage if one can be found.

Thanks again!

CherryRed · Dec 10, 2007

Opal's are very fragile...maybe that is what you were thinking of.

Paisley · Dec 10, 2007

Actually, diamond engagement rings have been in vogue only since the 1940s. Before that, all sorts of gems were used.

If one wants a conflict-free stone, a Montana saphire would be a good choice.

Samsa · Dec 10, 2007

Paisley said:
Actually, diamond engagement rings have been in vogue only since the 1940s. Before that, all sorts of gems were used.

Yes, the history of the diamond engagement ring (and diamonds in general) is absolutely fascinating. There was a great article on that topic in The Atlantic a while back - you can find it here.

Viola · Dec 10, 2007

Not that I'm in the market for an engagement band, but I really like these non-diamond rings.

Samsa · Dec 16, 2007

Well she decided that a vintage pearl ring was really what she wanted, so we ended up buying this one last night from a retailer online.
It's yellow gold with platinum, circa 1915. It should get to me soon, then all I need to do is have it resized (and placed on her finger!)

Thanks again to everyone for your advice!

jonniangel · Dec 16, 2007

That's absolutely beautiful!

Non-traditional engagement rings

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