On my way out of DC one day, a horrible traffic jam developed. After being stuck for about an hour, a fellow came by and knocked on my window, so I rolled it down and adked, "What's going on?"
He said, "Some terrorists have taken Congress hostage and are threatening to douse them in gasoline and set them all on fire if we don't give them a million dollars ransom, so some of us are going car to car taking up a collection."
Three guys, Stosh, Stan and Dooda go on a fishing trip. As they were trolling along the boat tipped over and Dooda never came up. Stosh and Stan argued over who was going to break the news to Dooda's wife. They decided it would be the both of them. When Dooda's wife answered the door, the two men broke out in, "Boat tipped over and one man died, Dooda, Dooda....."