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Dating for Fedora Loungers?

MaryDeluxe

Practically Family
Messages
794
Location
Deluxeville!
johnnyelvis said:
So where does everyone find their opposite nostalgia lovers?

My 2 cents Johnnyelvis....

I've dated greasers, I've dated vintage guys and even though I had the whole "vintage" thing in common with these guys, they didn't treat me the way I deserved to be treated. Isn't having a partner who treats you well and respects you, really the most important thing? [huh] I think so.

I'm pretty into the vintage lifestyle but that is not all I have to offer another person in a relationship...I have lots of other interests besides my mid-century lifestyle that might allow me to make a connection with someone who didn't share the vintage passion to the same extent I do.
 
The lovely redheaded firecracker from "Deluxeville" brings up another good piece of advice--the hazards of overspecialization, both in yourself and what you seek in others; better to not go "All In" in one area and have a few interests you might be able to share with someone than to risk ending up a "One Trick Pony" as I have. (I may not have as much time under my belt as some here, but I've made enough mistakes for a couple lifetimes and this is one of the biggest.)
 

davestlouis

Practically Family
Messages
805
Location
Cincinnati OH
I don't dare date, my wife would murder me. Having said that, I too have an unusual living arrangement...
Second marriage for both of us, 7 kids between us. She lives in a big condo, with 4 kids and 2 dogs, I live 5 minutes away, in a little condo, just me and one little dog. We "date" each other on weekends, she calls it the Saturday Night Special. We may or may not see each other during the week.

My kids from the first marriage live 5 minutes the other direction, so everybody is close by, but not stuck with each other. I value my solitude, and we don't want to murder reach other since we're not stuck in close proximity...absence makes a heart fonder!
 
Messages
10,879
Location
Portage, Wis.
I'm fascinated by how many of you work out different living arrangements from the standard way. My folks are insperable. If they're not at work, they're almost always together. They've hardly spent any nights apart since they got married in 88. It's really interested to hear how many of you make things work by living separately.
 

swinggal

One Too Many
Messages
1,386
Location
Perth, Australia
repeatclicks said:
I have to say, that for myself, I could never be single. I'm married, and quite happily! But what works for one, may not work for the other.

We are very independent people (what else would you expect from a 5 year trans-atlantic relationship where you saw each other every 3-6 months?), but love being around each other. Ive found marriage to be exciting and challenging, but I'll always love coming home knowing my wife is there, and that we share the same interests, meaning we can sit on ebay and drool at the expensive 50s furniture, collect records together, and of course dance and wear vintage stuff.

It will always be hard, however, knowing that whether we live in the UK or the US, one of us will be without our family nearby...

For me personality, intellect, humour, mutual love and respect and chemistry are all more important and always come first - but having what you guys have (a mutual interest in vintage) would be the icing on the cake.
 

grundie

One of the Regulars
Messages
138
Location
Dublin, Ireland
My wife found me through chance.

I was on PlentyofFish.com, not really expecting to find anyone as I had an inbuilt wariness of online dating. In my profile I stated that I had an interest in the 1920s through to the 1950s, including old style dancing. She seen this, liked the bit about old style dancing, got in touch and the rest is history as they say.
 

MissHannah

One Too Many
Messages
1,248
Location
London
AtomicEraTom said:
I'm fascinated by how many of you work out different living arrangements from the standard way. My folks are insperable. If they're not at work, they're almost always together. They've hardly spent any nights apart since they got married in 88. It's really interested to hear how many of you make things work by living separately.

I think people often have expectations that just because they love someone they'll be able to spend every minute of the day with them without it driving them insane! I quite often see relationships and marriages around me disintegrate that I think might have survived if they'd just lived apart. There are no rules to love and sometimes our romantic notions of what love 'should' be can't be squared with the realities of relationships.
 

Puzzicato

One Too Many
Messages
1,843
Location
Ex-pat Ozzie in Greater London, UK
MissHannah said:
I think people often have expectations that just because they love someone they'll be able to spend every minute of the day with them without it driving them insane! I quite often see relationships and marriages around me disintegrate that I think might have survived if they'd just lived apart. There are no rules to love and sometimes our romantic notions of what love 'should' be can't be squared with the realities of relationships.

In the immortal words of Billy Joel
"Well now you tell me you need somebody
For the rest of your life you might have somebody,
But you won't want 'em ev'ry day"

I really like my husband, but I also really, really need my own space sometimes!
 

johnnyelvis

New in Town
Messages
28
Location
Florida by way of NYC.
@MaryDeluxe I totally know what you mean, I think I may have come across as a desperate guy in this thread when that is not the case at all, I'm not trying to meet anyone. I am currently dating someone who is amazing but she doesn't like the fact that I have shifted away from the punk rock/rockabilly style a bit and got more into vintage suits and hats. We were joking talking about getting married one day, I was talking about how I can't wait to get married because I want a custom suit haha. All black with some kind of red lining on the inside, and I currently wear my hair in a pomp and she replied with, "I'm not marrying Elvis, you would have to do it differently and it pissed me off a little. Elvis was a hunk! We have been dating since October, and yes she even has tattoos, which makes my tattooed statement earlier sound stupid, but hers are hidden. I was just curious to hear everyones stories. I wish everyone here was outgoing and tried to meet up and have a social gathering, show off our clothes, it'd be so much fun!!
 

Chas

One Too Many
Messages
1,715
Location
Melbourne, Australia
I really do believe that if there are mutual interests, it certainly helps but it isn't nearly enough to sustain the relationship over the long term. Emotional and intellectual compatability are far more vital in the long run, as are common goals. Even these factors can change over time, and people change. A happy-go-lucky person in their youth might not age well. What they want out of life can change as well, so it follows that many (I tend to to think that most) relationships have a shelf life. So it kind of forces you to live in the moment and enjoy it for what it is. Life's too damn short.

Dating whithin a scene? I know a lot about that.

I was a hard core swing dancer for years and couldn't get a date to save my life there- I found swing dancers to be, for the most part, wound as tight as an old watch spring. Pretty self-absorbed. Then I started hanging out with the rockabillies and was married whithin a year and a half. The marriage imploded despite having many common interests, mostly because of a lack of common goals and divergent life philosophies. Incompatible over the long term in any case - we weren't emotional or intellectual equals. When the relationship ended, it was hell. The "scene" is so small that I couldn't go to shows any more- she would always be there with her crew and it turned me off completely. So for about two years my whole social life went into the toilet, apart from a couple of friends that stayed in the picture. That is the biggest of pitfalls when dating somebody whithin a "subculture" whether it's Society for Creative Anachronism, stamp ollectors, or "our thing".

As far as meeting a person? For me, it's mostly about luck and timing, and in my case neither has been kind to me. I'm not crying the blues about it, that's just the hand I've been dealt. I have met more than a few women who consider me "a catch" but they always seem to either be in a relationship or freshly out of a bad one so the timing is off. So I carry on doing what I do and being who I am until that changes. If it doesn't, it doesn't. I feel pretty good about myself at the end of the day, and, dag-nabbit, I'm still a catch.

C'est la vie.
 

MaryDeluxe

Practically Family
Messages
794
Location
Deluxeville!
@JohnnyElvis....I don't think you're desperate, you started a thread and got people talking and sharing their own views about relationships. ;)

As far as you and the current GF...I like what Chas has said above. :eusa_clap
 

LocktownDog

Call Me a Cab
Messages
2,254
Location
Northern Nevada
My longterm relationship goal? Growing old and grey with someone who can make me smile. Sitting on a porchswing, sipping lemonade (mine would be spiked!) and holding hands. How I meet that person and reach that goal is completely moot. Nothing to fret about either. I figure if I meet her at 92, then my 93rd year is still a very happy one.
 

JimWagner

Practically Family
Messages
946
Location
Durham, NC
Common values are much more important than common interests. Interests change over the life of a marriage but values are what sustain it.

Now that we are in our 60's neither my wife nor I have hardly any of the same interests we had in our 20's but our values have remained constant over the course of our 38 year marriage.

And don't underestimate a good sense of humor.
 
Messages
10,879
Location
Portage, Wis.
I'm currently single, but I could see this ending up happening to me if I ever got married. I would hope she would want to be with me all the time, like how my folks operate, but I am a nut about how my home is arranged and how it's decorated. I can imagine that will drive a lady nuts, especially when it looks like about 1958 in here.

MissHannah said:
I think people often have expectations that just because they love someone they'll be able to spend every minute of the day with them without it driving them insane! I quite often see relationships and marriages around me disintegrate that I think might have survived if they'd just lived apart. There are no rules to love and sometimes our romantic notions of what love 'should' be can't be squared with the realities of relationships.
 

reetpleat

Call Me a Cab
Messages
2,681
Location
Seattle
MissHannah said:
I think people often have expectations that just because they love someone they'll be able to spend every minute of the day with them without it driving them insane! I quite often see relationships and marriages around me disintegrate that I think might have survived if they'd just lived apart. There are no rules to love and sometimes our romantic notions of what love 'should' be can't be squared with the realities of relationships.

On the other hand, sometimes you just click with a person. I used to have a girlfriend. We lived together in a small apartment, and were together all the time . We went out and socialized with friends together, ate together, and when she went to work I would go hang out there for part of the day. Then I would go do some vintage clothing picking and then hook up again in the evening. the tiny apartment meant we only had to come up with $140 each for rent, so I didn't have to work much. We only had one fight that I can recall, and very few even mild disagreements.

Unfortunately, we became best friends, and lost a lot of the romantic sexual spark. So while we are now friends, we are not together.

Another gf, I met her and within about a month we went to mexico by car and were together for two weeks almost every minute and didn't kill each other. After that, i knew we could get along well.
 

MaryDeluxe

Practically Family
Messages
794
Location
Deluxeville!
JimWagner said:
Common values are much more important than common interests. Interests change over the life of a marriage but values are what sustain it.

And don't underestimate a good sense of humor.


So very, very true!!!
 

Derek WC

Banned
Messages
599
Location
The Left Coast
reetpleat said:
Guys need to understand that women will go along with just about any type of guy if he is strong enough in being himself and owning his style, look, personality.

Sure some girls are superficial, and some are too hardcore into their own clique or style. but the majority of women are quite open to a man with the strength of his own self. i have dated so many different types of women and it has never been an issue.

Most girls my age (Teen's) do seem more superficial than older ladies, but I've never gone out with a girl so who knows. [huh]
 

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