Funniest disclaimers you'dve never seen in the '40s

[Phil]

Here's a famous one
On a peanutbutter jar
WARNING: May contain peanuts.

It's not so much the peanut thing that gets me, it's the "May"

 

[Lady Day]

I always hated the coffee cups with "caution, beverage inside is extremely hot". If ONLY I could be that lucky!

:coffee:

LD

 

[Mike in Seattle]

We have a hairdryer in the house (if my father-in-law didn't try snagging it again on one of their visits) with a plastic tag attached to the cord stating we must never use it while standing under the shower...so apparently, it's perfectly safe to use it while sitting or laying down under the shower, submerged in the tub, while swimming, etc. It's just the combination of standing and shower and dryer that's deadly, I guess.

I love that dry cleaners' bags are imprinted that they are not toys.

 

[Harry Pierpont]

Hairdryer

The best one I've seen on a hairdryer is "Do not use while sleeping!" how do you use anything while sleeping? We have a new "safety" gas can in our fire station that has a label that says "Not for the transportation of flammable liquids", Now that's safe!:eusa_doh:
Harry

 

[CharlieH.]

These were originally posted at The Museum Of Hoaxes:

On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box):
Do not turn upside down.

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.

On Boot’s Children’s cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

On Sainsbury’s peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

On a child’s Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children

On a helmet mounted mirror used by cyclists:
Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you

On a Taiwanese shampoo:
Use repeatedly for severe damage

On the bottle-top of a flavoured milk drink:
After opening, keep upright

On a New Zealand insect spray:
This product not tested on animals.

On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids:
Lie down on bed and insert poscool slowly up to the projected portion Like a sword-guard into anal duct. While inserting poscool for Approximately 5 minutes, keep quiet.

On a blanket from Taiwan:
not to be used as protection from a tornado

On an infant’s bathtub:
Do not throw baby out with bath water.

On a package of Fisherman’s Friend(R) throat lozenges:
Not meant as substitute for human companionship.

On a Magic 8 Ball:
Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test.

On a roll of Life Savers:
Not for use as a flotation device.

On a refrigerator:
Refrigerate after opening.

On a disposable razor:
Do not use this product during an earthquake.

On a handgun:
Not recommended for use as a nutcracker.

On pantyhose:
Not to be used in the commission of a felony.

On a piano:
Harmful or fatal if swallowed.

On a can of Fix-a-Flat:
Not to be used for breast augmentation.

On a Pentium chip:
If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2-shipping and a $3-handling charge, for a total of $4.97.

On work gloves:
For best results, do not leave at crime scene.

On a palm sander:
Not to be used to sand palms.

On Odor Eaters:
Do not eat.

On a blender:
Not for use as an aquarium.

On a revolving door:
Passenger compartments for individual use only.

On children’s alphabet blocks:
Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.

On a wet suit:
Capacity, 1.

In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles
Open Other End.

On a packet of Sunmaid raisins:
Why Not Try Tossing Over Your Favorite Breakfast Cereal?

On bus, below emergency hammer for breaking window:
For use only by elderly and disabled passengers.

Sign on Interstate 10, Near Phoenix, AZ:
State Prison: Do Not Stop for Hitchhikers

On packet of cigarettes:
Smoking is highly addictive - don’t start.

On bottle of mascara remover:
Do not use around eye area.

On box of birth control pills:
Warning; do not take if pregnant or expecting.

On pink/blue pregnancy test box:
Actual results may vary.

Label on goth choker necklace:
May be a choking hazard.

On a tube of toothpaste:
Warning: Do not use for more than 4 weeks unless directed from a physician.

On a jar of petroleum jelly:
Not recommended use for anal lubricant.

On a sugar free dietary candy bar:
Sugars: 24 grams.

Container of catnip:
Product not tested on animals.

Box of all natural harvest cereal:
Contains artificial flavors & coloring.

Advertisement for a store that sells genuine furs:
No animals were harmed in the making of this commercial.

Sign at ice skating rink:
Caution: Ice may be slippery.

Sign at rollerskating rink:
Please do not skate on floor without skates.

Bathroom weight scale:
Recommended use: one at a time.

Here's the full thread with at least twice as many silly warnings:
http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/forums/viewthread/2416/

 

[LaMedicine]

These were originally posted at The Museum Of Hoaxes:
.........
On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids:
Lie down on bed and insert poscool slowly up to the projected portion Like a sword-guard into anal duct. While inserting poscool for Approximately 5 minutes, keep quiet.
.......
Here's the full thread with at least twice as many silly warnings:
http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/forums/viewthread/2416/

lol lol lol There's a reason for the "Lie down on bed" part. Suppositories in Japanese are calle zayaku (not yakuza, mind you) which is spelled in kanji (Chinese characters), "sitting medicine". I think just about every MD here has had at one time or another have a patient say to us, "Doc, I tried to take the medicine you prescribed sitting straight, but the pill is too large for me to take!" even after it is explained to them how to use the suppos. I couldn't believe my ears when I heard that myself for the first time. lol lol

 

[Fletch]

I was going to notify a mod about the Poscool business until I remembered what I said about that Marine sergeant upthread. Besides, LaMedicine is just so classy about it...

 

[LaMedicine]

I was going to notify a mod about the Poscool business until I remembered what I said about that Marine sergeant upthread. Besides, LaMedicine is just so classy about it...

lol lol lol I'd say it's more due to the translation rather than the original Japanese which is actually a rather discreet and demure instruction, resulting in the occasional patient thinking that the medication for some reason has to be taken sitting in a respectful posture and ingested as one might drink tea in a formal tea ceremony.lol lol lol
I'll have to confess, it is one of the classic jokes among Japanese drs, nurses, pharmacists, and other paramedics.lol lol lol

 

[Grnidwitch]

I love the Marine Corp. one.

 

[misslizzy]

Found today:
Screen size will vary depending on your cell phone's display.
For black & white phones this game is only available in black and white.