Quips, Comebacks & Amusing Insults.

Discussion in 'The Observation Bar' started by GHT, Apr 15, 2020.

  1. GHT

    GHT I'll Lock Up

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    Whilst checking old threads to make sure that this subject hasn't been previously covered I came across this:
    https://www.thefedoralounge.com/threads/the-dumbest-comment-i-ever-heard.10462/page-156
    It has some amusing comments, but it was posted in the hat section. Over time a few spats occurred that got quite sharp and the thread was closed.

    I'm not trying to resurrect that thread, far from it, just trying to inject a little humour in this current situation. Comebacks are by far the most withering way to gain a comeuppence, they have to be delivered with a smile and a wicked sense of banter. One of my favourites is that of our second female politician, (but the first to take her seat,) an American, name of: Nancy Astor, and Winston Churchill.
    Nancy: Winston, if you were my husband I would put poison in your coffee.
    Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I would drink it.

    Movies and Hollywood have their fare share of put downs too:

    According to a Hollywood legend there was a pointed verbal encounter between the movie siren Jean Harlow and the sharp-tongued English aristocrat Margot Asquith. When Harlow attended a party given by Asquith, the movie star presumptuously referred to the hostess by her first name, and she repeatedly mispronounced it as “Mar Got”, i.e., she pronounced a “t” at the end of the name. Eventually, Asquith responded with a verbal knockout:

    "No, no, Jean. The ‘t’ is silent, as in Harlow."

    Another one that always brings a smile is a gem from Mark Twain:
    Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
    Mark Twain also rephrased that by rewording a quip from President Lincoln.
    Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt. Lincoln.

    It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt. Twain.
    Sound advice for some twitter users.
    I've picked some brilliant retorts along the way, have you?
     
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  2. jdbenson

    jdbenson One of the Regulars

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    One of my favorites:

    "Of your physiognomy, the best that can be said is that because it occupies a place on the front of your head, it must be a face."

    The best way ever to call someone ugly.
     
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  3. Hat and Rehat

    Hat and Rehat Call Me a Cab

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    Good idea for a thread. I suspect a certain national flavor will emerge. Those of us this side of the pond will probably demonstrate less subtlety.
    Last night I ventured into Facebook where the present crisis finds me more often, connecting with friends and family, and raging politically against what I consider mishandling of the epidemic (I'm not going to do that here; preferring call me a cab under my name to banned).
    My wife posted something having to do with masks and my brother in law chimed in:

    Jim: I don't even own a mask.
    Me: That's your real face?

    I couldn't help myself. He threw it right down the middle of the plate.
     
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  4. AbbaDatDeHat

    AbbaDatDeHat I'll Lock Up

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    Great thread potential GHT.
    A quicky:
    Whenever someone says something to me that ends with...smartass, as in you...or etc. I usually reply with “well it’s better than being a dumb one”.
    Intonation is key.
    B
     
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  5. Hat and Rehat

    Hat and Rehat Call Me a Cab

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    Do you get to use that often?

    (wink)
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2020
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  6. Tiki Tom

    Tiki Tom One Too Many

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    Groucho to a group of showgirls: “what say we all get married, all of us!”
    Chorus girl: “but wouldn’t that be bigamy?”
    Groucho: “yes, it would be big of me.”
     
  7. Hat and Rehat

    Hat and Rehat Call Me a Cab

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    A favorite line of mine delivered by Goldie Hawn in an 80s movie featuring Chevy Chase as her escaped convict ex-husband and James Brolin as her District Attorney current husband.
    Hawn's character, also a litigator, is in the courtroom when addressed by the bench in open court.

    Judge: Counsellor, you are showing utter contempt for this court!

    Hawn: But your honor, I was doing my best to conceal it.

    I hope if I'm ever have an opportunity to borrow that my mouth doesn't preempt my brain.
     
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  8. GHT

    GHT I'll Lock Up

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    Churchill was renowned for his retorts but most of them he had either read or seen on film. He had a phenomenal memory.
    When the firebrand politician Bessie Braddock said: “Winston, you are drunk, and what’s more you are disgustingly drunk.” He replied: "Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober."

    Churchill later admitted that he had seen the 1934 movie It’s a Gift. W. C. Fields’s character, when told he is drunk, responds, “Yeah, and you’re crazy. But I’ll be sober tomorrow and you’ll be crazy the rest of your life.” Old Winston simply paraphrased Field's withering response.
     
  9. Hat and Rehat

    Hat and Rehat Call Me a Cab

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    Stealing comic lines is the second oldest profession in the world.
     
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  10. Mae

    Mae Call Me a Cab

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    "Politicians, like diapers, should be changed often, and for the same reason." -- Mark Twain (or so says the interwebz)
     
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  11. Hat and Rehat

    Hat and Rehat Call Me a Cab

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    It's easier to fool people than convince them they were fooled.
    Mr. Clemens as well.
     
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  12. Hat and Rehat

    Hat and Rehat Call Me a Cab

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    I've heard some yo' Mamma's up there in the running.
     
  13. GHT

    GHT I'll Lock Up

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    The advent of artificial intelligence makes Einstein's remark even more poignant.
    "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the former."

    When asked how many people work at the Vatican, Pope John 23rd replied: "About half."
     
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  14. Tiki Tom

    Tiki Tom One Too Many

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    Noel Coward to Edna Ferber: “you look almost like a man.”
    Edna: “so do you.”
     
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