- Where The Tourists Meet The Sea
("TWELVE PERNTS f' dried beef inna jawr?" gasps Joe. "An' HOWMENNY jawrs of it do we have?" "I dunno whatcha tawkin' about," shrugs Sally. "We jus' had t'at one jawr yest'day. Whatcha t'ink, I'm a HOARDEH a'sump'n?" "But you said ya ma..." "I din' say she give us t' whole case," clarifies Sally. "She jus' give us t'one jawr," "Well, what's she gonna do wit' twenny-t'ree jawrs'a chip beef?" "Well, she might sen' a few t'Mickey." "MICKEY!" roars Joe. "He's EATIN' REAL MEAT! Whas'hee want wit' jawrs a' chip beef? Chip beef is t'one t'ing t'Awrmy got nut'n else but!" "Well," shrugs Sally once more, "Ma says he c'n put'm t'use, y'know, tradin'm f'stuff he wants. T'at's what t'ey do inna Awrmy. Cig'rettes t'ey trade, an' canny bawrs t'ey trade, an' cans an' jawrs'a meat t'ey trade." "Well, whas'see get out of it f' TWELVE PERNTS woit' a meat inna jawr?" "I dunno," Sally shrugs further. "I bet I do," grumbles Joe. "What?" "Nut'n.")
MIners and operators in the Northern Appalachian soft coal region today agreed to extend negotiations in their current wage dispute for thirty days, with the understanding that any subsequent agreement reached would apply retroactively from April 1st, when a new contract is due. The agreement signed by John L. Lewis for the United Mine Workers, Charles A. O'Neill, spokesman for the operators, and other members of the negotiating subcommittee was in accordance with the request from President Roosevelt that conferees continue negotiations and avoid a shutdown of the mines when the present contract expires on March 31st. The meetings are continuing at the Hotel Biltmore. O'Neill stated today that the talks will continue today on the terms of twelve proposals submitted by the UMW, including the request for a $2 per day wage increase.
Mayor LaGuardia, taking time out today from his budget-retreat labors, predicted a city tax rate of $2.78 on each $100 in assessed value of real estate for the next fiscal year, but only if Albany acts favorably on his request for power to impose additional local taxes. If the Legislature rejects that request, however, the Mayor warned that there will be a "disastrous" 20 percent boost in the property tax from the present $2.73 per $100 to $2.90. The Mayor told reporters early this morning that he has sent to the Joint Legislative Committee before which he appeared yesterday facts and figures in support of the tax plan he and Controller Joseph D. McGoldrick have developed and proposed to the committee. Along with those figures, he warned that the city is facing a budget deficit for the next fiscal year of $49,000,000, and declared "as to all the people who have been loud-mouthing about economy, I will make monkeys out of them before I'm through."
A draft of boys between the ages of 14 and 16 for emergency farm labor in Nassau County was declared "essential" yesterday by Chairman Arthur Youngs of the Nassau County Agricultural War Board, following completiion of a survey of farmers which concluded that spring planting is being delayed for want of labor. Mr. Youngs stated that "war emergency certificates" will be prepared and issued to various county schools authorizing them as required by law to release boys aged 14, 15, and 16 from classes to serve fifteen-day stints in the fields. The committee stressed that participation in the program by individual boys will be "purely voluntary," and that in most cases farmers have put in requests for boys they personally know to be willing and capable of such field work. Schoolboys drafted for the program will be put to work cutting seed potatoes and putting out cabbage and cauliflower plants. The emergency program will continue thru the end of the school year in June, but the committee warned that there will be further need for schoolboy labor during the fall harvest season.
("Under further investigation, the Japanese agent was revealed to be a disguised American, who gave his name as J. Hartford Oakdale, and who claimed to be on a top-secret undercover mission for the intelligence service of an unidentified Allied nation. "Disguise is one of my many accomplishments," declared the suspect, who appeared to be dressed in a uniform made over from that of a Loew's theatre usher. An interrogating officer, Col. Geo. B. Bungle, declared himself satisfied with the man's story, and immediately left with him for lunch.")
The latest racket to vex the people of Brooklyn and Queens involves the theft of baby carriages, which are then repainted by the racketeers and resold as new. The Brooklyn Eagle has learned that "several hundred" perambulators have been stolen in recent weeks in the two boroughs, but police say that their efforts to run down the thieves are being made more difficult by a lack of cooperation from the public. "Sure we know these baby carriages are being lifted," commented a police lieutenant. "But what's the use? We hear about it in a roundabout way. The mothers seem to figure 'what's the use, it's gone' and don't make a report." Another police officer speculated that many victims of these thefts suspect their carriages have been taken by neighbors, and don't report them for fear of causing "neighborhood squabbles." Police are now reported to be carefully watching carriages in all precincts. On Flatbush Avenue this morning, a man pushing a baby carriage was stopped by a patrolman who checked to make sure than an actual baby was inside, and doormen in Borough Park, where the greatest number of thefts have occured, are being questioned. It is common in medium-income apartment houses in that district for tenants to pay doormen so much per night to "watch their carriages." Meanwhile, the manufacture of the traditional steel-framed carriage has been entirely terminated due to the war, with the replacement "victory carriage," made entirely out of wood, is being produced at a 75 percent reduction compared to the number manufactured of the previous type.
("Of course we're beefin' about it! It's the only beef we've got!")
Ration-conscious burglars raided a Safeway supermarket in the Bronx last night, breaking in thru a skylight and escaping with thirty-six one-pound cans of coffee, five 32-pound tubs of butter, and two cartons of cigarettes.
Paramount Pictures has purchased, in galley form, James M. Cain's forthcoming novel "Double Indemnity" for filming next year. The novel, by the best-selling author of "The Postman Always Rings Twice" and "Serenade," is a melodrama dealing with two people who endeavor to commit "the perfect crime."
(That's our Harold!)
The Eagle Editorialist warns that "we still have a lot to learn about air raid warnings," if yesterday's performance during the surprise early morning drill is any indication. "Too many of us reached out and turned on the light switch, which is just what we are NOT to do when the sirens sound."
Two hundred and fifty CIO shop stewards will return to their factories in Michigan today determined to "really sweat" to get out the war materiels, after completing their three-day taste of Army life. The United Auto Workers members concluded their experience in the life of buck privates at Camp Atterbury, Indiana last night, in a program arranged thru the War Department by UAW President Walter Reuther. The war workers further pledged to raise $10,000 for recreational equipment for real doughboys overseas.
(Mr. Rickey is the only man in baseball who calls Mr. Newsom "Louie." Oh, and "Leo, a really clever hand with the billiard cue?" Tell us what you really mean, Mr. Parrott.)
("Gee, I hope she can read a subway map. Oh well, that's one way to solve the problem.")
("LOOK IT'S THAT GHOST CAR AGAIN!")
(Dan? Even worse, it's an air raid warden! PUT OUT THAT LIGHT!)
(THAT'S IT I'M RENEGOTIATING MY CONTRACT)
(AVOID THE PASSIVE VOICE.)