Maternal Dissaproval

[T Jones]

If your fedora wearing is your Mom's biggest complaint then she should consider herself a very lucky mother.

 

[TheDane]

If your fedora wearing is your Mom's biggest complaint then she should consider herself a very lucky mother.

:arated: lol

 

[Rogera]

If your fedora wearing is your Mom's biggest complaint then she should consider herself a very lucky mother.

+1

You are at a point in your life where YOU have to decide who YOU want to be and it may not agree with your mother's idea. That is what this phase in your life is all about.

 

[HudsonHawk]

I think the answer could be: "Love" [huh]

If a grown man lets his mother dictate whether or not he wears a hat, this isn't about a hat. It's about control. He's headed for a lifetime of heartache.

 

[TheDane]

If a grown man lets his mother dictate whether or not he wears a hat, this isn't about a hat. It's about control. He's headed for a lifetime of heartache.

You are so right, but that was not what I commented on. My comment was on this post: "Why is this even bothering you?".

To be ridiculed by a person, you love, will be hurtful to most people. Not to be bothered at all would be worrying in my mind ... to say the least.

 

[HudsonHawk]

You are so right, but that was not what I commented on. My comment was on this post: "Why is this even bothering you?".

To be ridiculed by a person, you love, will be hurtful to most people. Not to be bothered at all would be worrying in my mind ... to say the least.

I understand. My comment was "you'd better nip this now, if you want any sort of normal relationship with your mother." If he doesn't, his mother will continue to be critical of every decision he ever makes, from hats to jobs to relationships. The hat is her way of saying she calls the shots, and always will. Nip it in the bud and move on. She'll fall in line.

 

[Rogera]

I understand. My comment was "you'd better nip this now, if you want any sort of normal relationship with your mother." If he doesn't, his mother will continue to be critical of every decision he ever makes, from hats to jobs to relationships. The hat is her way of saying she calls the shots, and always will. Nip it in the bud and move on. She'll fall in line.

Why does "Everybody Loves Raymond" come to mind?

 

[HudsonHawk]

Why does "Everybody Loves Raymond" come to mind?

And that's the happy ending sitcom version. Real life would be abject misery. He'll end up bitter and miserable if he doesn't put his foot down.

 

[The Fedorable]

I am a 19 year old college student in Miami. Living in the Sunshine State has led me to wearing hats as a way to protect my eyes and skin from the extreme sunlight. The hat I wear is a black Akubra fedora, the "Bogart" to be specific. The hat is a great tool for keeping cool when the atmosphere around me stays hot. It also has style advantages. People frequently compliment me on my hat. I have even become friends with one of my classmates partly because of our common love of felt hats. Since it is December, I have returned to my parents house to for winter break and I brought my hat with me. I assumed that my family, like everybody else, would love the fedora. I was wrong. My brothers tell me it looks ridiculous. Although, to be fair, that reaction was expected. They like to tease me. I do not believe that they actually dislike the hat. My father was indifferent, so there was no conflict there. My mother, on the other hand, absolutely despises my fedora. She says horrible things about how it makes me look and forbids me from wearing it outside of the house. She is apparently embarresed to be seen with me when I am wearing it. This is the latest event in a lifetime of my mother being hypercritical of my appearance and always telling me exactly how I should look. However, her reaction to my fedora was particularly negative and demeaning. I know that I will be able to wear it freely when I return to my university in January. The fact that the hat is the MOST eccentric aspect of my appearance makes me feel envious of people who have more emotionally supportive mothers. This is my first post on this website, so I apologize for it being a depressing one. I just want to know if any of you have experienced a similar situation. If so, how did you respond to it?

Yes and no. While my parents are somewhat supportive of my choice of attire, the only dissaproval that I run into is the pricing of the hats. Anything over $40, my dad gets a little hesitant. $100 or more (since Akubra FedIV is now that price) and it's a no. Go custom for $375 on a Penman, hahahahaha....

 

[Historyteach24]

You are a grown damn man! Tell her that its a hat and you are wearing it. If she is so bad that she refuses to be seen with you in public then cut those apron strings and get your happy ass back to FL at school

 

[Thunderball]

Who pays the bills? If it is Mom, take off the hat. If you pay your own way, wear the hat.

 

[HudsonHawk]

Who pays the bills? If it is Mom, take off the hat. If you pay your own way, wear the hat.

Letting mom hold that over your head is not going to end well either. You're a grown man. Tell your mother she doesn't dress you anymore, and leave it at that.

 

[cchgn]

I don't get it. If you were wearing ultra low cut super skinny jeans with Keds would she be OK with that?

Is your vintage clothing off the scale or are you giving off a gangster vibe with what you wear with the hat?

(No accusations here, just trying to get a better picture)

That's my guess,,,the gangster look. She rightly so, adamantly opposes that look.

 

[thecollegeguy123]

In my opinion, you are way to old for her to react that way, and I think you should tell her in a very firm way. I believe these things are more or less programmed into our biology/psycology. It's only natural to have conflicts with our parents at that age. If not - then why ever leave the nest?

When I was 14-15 years old (1969-70) I insisted on letting my hair grow and wear braided leather headbands, multi-colored home-dyed T-shirts, beads, feathers, fringes and other hippie accessories. My mother freaked out, but my dad were a lot more relaxed. He had been quite wild just after WWII, dansing jitterbug to American jazz records/bands (impossible during the war) in oversized sweaters and glueing extra rubbersoles under his shoes (rubber was rationed during the war, so the extra soles was some kind of a reaction to that). I finaly got my will, but it took a minor civilwar (not a civilized one ... believe me!).

Some years ago my youngest daughter had a septum piercing made (a small siver ring in the wall between the nostrils). Actually, I thought she looked quite cute and complimented her a lot. After all, whenever the time came to apply for jobs and the like, she could just take it out ... it was not a tattoo across her forehead. A year or two later she switched style and she dropped the silver. Today the hole is completely gone.

Parents often seem to have a very bad memory, and it's like that in every generation. On the other hand youngsters also have a strong urge to provoke (even if you don't think so, that's what you're doing). Adolescence is in many ways a wonderful and defining periode in life - but it's also a pest! And that goes for both kids and parents

Explain your point of view in a firm, fair and respectful way - and point out to her, that you are fair and respectful. Then it will be very hard for her to be disrespectful toward you. She will have to realize, that her motherhood is entering a new phase, that is very different from the one she clings onto with the rim of her nails.

Believe me, she has a very very hard time, "letting you go". Every parent has to come to terms with the fact, that parenthood is a time limited periode - and it's a h*ll lot shorter, than it seems at the entrance. Your mother is going through a painful process, but she has to realize, that the pain is her - and just as natural as the pain she bore you in.

Advice on these matters are so hard to give, but it's important to remember, there are two sides of the coin, and both parties are in an emotional hard position. In many cases both parties will be able to laugh at themselves in quite few years, but the transition itself can be difficult [huh]

I don't buy the saying "small folks - small worries". The importance of problems change as you mature, but what today seems to me as a very small problem, would almost have killed me, when I was 16. We just tend to forget our own youth as we get older - and we therefore all too often dismiss young problems as inferior. They are not!

Thank you for telling me this. It definately helps with the bitter emotions I experience from her constant criticism. Hopefully, one day we will both look back on this experience and laugh, but until then, I rely on others to give me emotional support. When I am fully financially independent, it will probably become much easier to for me establish my identity instead of letting her dictate it to me.

 

[HudsonHawk]

When I am fully financially independent, it will probably become much easier to for me establish my identity instead of letting her dictate it to me.

If you let her pick your clothes for you now, money is not going to change her dictating every other decision in your life.

 

[jhe888]

I don't have anything different to offer, but we sure would like to see you in that Akubra.

 

[DesertDan]

It could also be that due to some unpleasent experience in her past, that type of hat has negative connotations for her personally. Howeer, that's her problem not yours.

Unfortunately, family members can often be the most unaccepting and critical of the decisions we make in life and when this is the case it is usually the most hurtful.

Be that as it may, you are a man now, so have courage and stick with your decision. If you peruse this forum you will find that we all recieve negative reactions to our wardrobe from time to time. But we are the ones who live inour clothes (or under our hats as the case may be ) and the opinions of the naysayers are of no consequence.

 

[hatsRme]

Hello. As a "MOM" I can perhaps shed some different viewpoints to the entire "Fedora" ordeal you have ongoing with your Mother. First, you should very calmly ask her in private, why she is negative about what you desire to wear on your head? Perhaps she feels you are too young to wear a Fedora?

After hearing what she has to say, then use the information she gives you and reply with a kind statement that you appreciate her concern in what ever it is she has told you. Then add to that, simply that you enjoy wearing the Fedora instead of a ball cap or anything else you could wear and that the Fedora makes you feel good about yourself, or that you like how you look wearing a Fedora. You can say to her, you actually find the Fedora is a mature hat to wear and you are growing up. Above all else, let he know you are very thankful for her concerns towards you. Us "Moms" like to have our children thank us!

Cindy

Here's your answer. Moms know moms, and you want to do the right thing in her eyes, or at least have the chance to have her understand your perspective (if you can) right? You're not hurting anyone. You are a good son.

 

[Thunderball]

If you let her pick your clothes for you now, money is not going to change her dictating every other decision in your life.

True, but her opinions will have no power if she is not holding the purse strings.

 

[hatguy1]

Who pays the bills? If it is Mom, take off the hat. If you pay your own way, wear the hat.

+1

But also like some have said here, you could have a LOT worse "vices" than this. And this won't be the first time you may have to take an unpopular stance on something - even with family. You might try mentioning that you could do many more embarrassing things - drugs, alcohol addiction, wearing your pants halfway down your a** and a sideways baseball cap or something. Perhaps then your mother might understand this isn't that big a deal.

But, if she does, and she's paying your bills, you might try respecting her opinions/feelings while you're home and let her know you're doing so. You could tell her you'll choose to be the bigger person and do the gentlemanly thing and respect her feelings when you're around her. That's not crossing swords with her and subtly showing that you have a choice in your behavior and tastes.