Bring back dating?

[Matt Deckard]

Oh grow up, people.

Shrink down Jack!

 

[Matt Deckard]

I know they're based in truth and experience and can be necessary for the point of argument, but still, sometimes generalizations make me cringe. Maybe I'm just the exception to the rule, but my heart is so anti-surrender it might as well be frozen in a block of ice.

That's what they say.

I'm a bad man.

 

[beaucaillou]

A fact that stood as of a few years ago, I haven't researched it lately: Women commit adultery about as much as men, but tend to be more private/careful about it (as each gender tends to commit the act for different reasons), so it's less commonly considered in the public psyche. So, that is most likely who the mythical women are that keep getting bandied about.

Women have historically been *perceived* as chaste and naive, but in actuality, are not so pristine as all that. It's a common misperception in our culture.

Here's an old article from '87 that was recording the rise of famale adultery, and that was 20 years ago: http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpa...936A25752C1A961948260&sec=&spon=&pagewanted=2

That all said, bring back dating! I want to get to know some gentlemen as friends and people before I decide to impart my trust in them and let them get to know more vulnerable parts of me. I'd like to have a kiss be an act of much waited anticipation instead of expectation, as it has seemed to become.

And I've said it before but it bears repeating: yes, I'm capable of opening my own doors, pulling out my chair, etc. etc. That's not the point. Perhaps it's too romantic for this world, but by someone I'm dating, I want to be respected not only for who I am, but for being a woman. I return that same respect to my partner, just for being a man. Men are cool and do things that I can't and have abilities I don't. I respect that. And I like that respect in return.

Okay, I'm going back to reading now. This is a great thread.

 

[Viola]

women are now equals in the sexual arena (well, not really, but it's getting closer). if they wish to have sex with a person, they do. they shouldn't be thought of as amoral sluts. of course they ARE looked at that way(and i would say that it's other WOMEN who view them more as sluts than men...but that's IMHO) but i think it's getting less and less.

I think the "its only women who are catty about another woman's experience" is fallacious. At least YOUNG men (I like to hope they grow out of it) care a lot; you're not supposed to be virginal OR have had "too many" men.

But don't sit home either. So basically, you should lie to stay at the magical number of about 3. Its weird. I think its designed to make all women feel equally bad about themselves. [huh]

If you don't know how to do something you're cold or narrow-minded. If you know how to do it perfectly, that's "disturbing, where'd she learn THAT?!"

-Viola

 

[Diamondback]

Oh grow up, people.

Yeah, easy for you to say. Look at your usual caliber of companions, Jack...

 

[Senator Jack]

....the troubles of two little people in this crazy world don't amount to a hill of beans

55 years later, it's still the same, or perhaps worse. One may as well make the best of it.

 

[carebear]

All I know is, a good woman will provide cover fire while her date is reloading.

 

[Diamondback]

All I know is, a good woman will provide cover fire while her date is reloading.

Or, in the case of some of us, recognize that there are reasons for standing doctrine of "Just get yourself out of here--worry about me later! I'll catch up when this is done..." (If I gotta get into a fight, I don't want anyone I care about nearby--they'd be a distraction that could get me and themselves killed: I can't operate with my preferred degree of "tactical calculation" with emotional attachments in the way. I give my friends that standing order all the time when I start to go to "elevated alert status".)

That said, anyone else here think a trip to the range, especially the full-auto range, gives the phrase "hot date" a whole new meaning?

 

[Elaina]

Never take a woman to a shooting range on a date unless you're 500% positive she can't outshoot you.

 

[Dan G]

Never take a woman to a shooting range on a date unless you're 500% positive she can't outshoot you.

The voice of wisdom!!

 

[Diamondback]

Never take a woman to a shooting range on a date unless you're 500% positive she can't outshoot you.

Yeah, but some of us guys don't have that testosterone-driven "ego complex" about "being outshot by a girl"--my ex-boss who I've referred to elsewhere was a better shot than me, and I still woulda spent the rest of my career/life with her if I'd been allowed the chance.

I guess from my perspective it means she has a better chance of protecting herself against the unforeseen, while I hold the line against the identified hostiles. Maybe it's just my warped little brain, but I'm inclined to agree with:
"You can't beat a girl who shoots..."--Unknown

 

[reetpleat]

A fact that stood as of a few years ago, I haven't researched it lately: Women commit adultery about as much as men, but tend to be more private/careful about it (as each gender tends to commit the act for different reasons), so it's less commonly considered in the public psyche. So, that is most likely who the mythical women are that keep getting bandied about.

Another interesting study. When asked weather they would prefer their partner have an intimate emotional affair without sex, or a sexual affair without emotional intimacy, most men preferred their partner engage in emotional but not physical, and most women prefer heir men engage in physical rather than emotional.

Not a big suprise, but telling.

 

[reetpleat]

I think the "its only women who are catty about another woman's experience" is fallacious. At least YOUNG men (I like to hope they grow out of it) care a lot; you're not supposed to be virginal OR have had "too many" men.

But don't sit home either. So basically, you should lie to stay at the magical number of about 3. Its weird. I think its designed to make all women feel equally bad about themselves. [huh]

If you don't know how to do something you're cold or narrow-minded. If you know how to do it perfectly, that's "disturbing, where'd she learn THAT?!"

-Viola

I agree that some men will look down on a woman for having a past. I do think it is changing with newere generations but not entirely.

My philosophy that I always advise female friends is that if a guy has a problem with your having sexual experience, they really aren't a guy you want to date anyway. In my circles that is true.

 

[Helen Troy]

I think, in some ways girls are still walking a tight rope:Too many men and you are seen as a slut, to little experience and you are seen as a boring prude. I think these standards are more extreme for woman than for men, an that's unfair.

 

[celtic]

I think the "its only women who are catty about another woman's experience" is fallacious. At least YOUNG men (I like to hope they grow out of it) care a lot; you're not supposed to be virginal OR have had "too many" men.

that's why i didn't say 'ONLY'.

sure, some men care. and others think that it's great that a woman can and will have sexual relations without automatically thinking they deserve half of your assets.

and also why i said IMHO, 'in my humble opinion'.

in my experience, i've heard many more women refer derogatorily torwards a woman who sleeps around than from men speaking of the same woman.

in my opinion, if you talking in a bar with a single man and a single woman, point to across the bar to a woman and say "i hear that she likes sex and doesn't mind having one night stands"

the woman will say "she's dirty pirate hooker"
and the guy will lick his lips and think "sweet, i'll have to remember that"

 

[reetpleat]

that's why i didn't say 'ONLY'.

sure, some men care. and others think that it's great that a woman can and will have sexual relations without automatically thinking they deserve half of your assets.

and also why i said IMHO, 'in my humble opinion'.

in my experience, i've heard many more women refer derogatorily torwards a woman who sleeps around than from men speaking of the same woman.

in my opinion, if you talking in a bar with a single man and a single woman, point to across the bar to a woman and say "i hear that she likes sex and doesn't mind having one night stands"

the woman will say "she's dirty pirate hooker"
and the guy will lick his lips and think "sweet, i'll have to remember that"

True, but then a lot of guys would still have acertain disrespect and not consider her marriage material. I don't know what proportion. Amongst the circles I move in and the people I like to hang out with, that is not true. But I realize a lot of guys still get hung up on that.

My dvice is if anyone asks, tell them you don't discuss the details of your past.

Or you could borrow a line from my favorite play "Charley's Aunt"

"Oh, a few. None to speak of."

 

[TheKitschGoth]

some women wish to be given gifts(on a first date?!?), have doors opened for them, have their dinner paid for them, yet fail to see this as 'unequal' treatment.

I see where you are coming from on this, and I'm not exactly keen on gifts and stuff being paid for only by the man, but as for things like opening doors etc. the way I see it is, when I am with someone I want to be treated like I am someone special to them, because that's how I'd treat them. [huh]

 

[ortega76]

I find this thread endlessly fascinating.

On the one hand, my wife and I have been together for two years (married for six months). I open doors for her. Smile when she walks in the room. Drop her off at the door before parking the car.

On the other, our courtship was pretty minimal and very fast.

I'd say we do more of the activities and behaviours that are associated with "dating" now as a married couple than we did when dating.

 

[scotrace]

This began as an interesting discussion of Old School dating before tanking to a debate over what constitutes a tramp. That's enough for now.