I need some change!

[redlight_artist]

Good for you! I totally agree with the above posts...

My $.02... I would suggest expanding your social circle and choice of venues to run into him less. It's hard being the part of the same circle with an ex and I'm happy you two can be civil to each other. That said, you might not want to give the impression that you could still be available to him.

Just an opinion... you know what's right to do.

Have fun with the new direction your life's taking.

 

[AnnaMaria]

I am THRILLED you are taking up swing dancing! I think Herrang is coming up soon, isn't it?
You should fly out to LA and visit all of us! We can take you shopping! Or to the beach.

I didn't get accepted to the class, we were 200 people too much
But I haven't given up on that plan though. I'll give it a new try next time a class starts. Coming to LA doesn't sound that bad. I'd just need some money

Thanks again for all the support. It makes it easier to remember that I've done the right thing.

 

[RetroBabydoll]

I am amazed by how much of a strong person you are.

I had a relationship more than a year ago that was getting really bad. It wasn't violence that was the problem, but it was more verbal abuse. This kept me by his side for 4 years because I thought I was nothing and deserved nothing better. Breaking up the relationship was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I'm glad my family supported me. I admire your courage and I'm glad you're not being such a strong person. Not many people are able to do the same and end up sad in the end.

I think you should call out all the FL in the area and go out. I got over my previous relationship by repainting and changing up my room. I also bought clothes that I liked to wear and I donated all of my other clothes. I even went out with friends which helped. I made sure that if I had the urge to call him I ended up calling a friend instead. I'm not sure if you are religious, but praying helps also. Remain strong and have fun!

 

[Mary]

I saw this tread just now. Hope you're feeling better.

What I do when I feel bad is really indulge in it and then I dance to be happy again. It works for me. Especially the dancing. I end up feeling I got the best taste in music, the best dancing moves, the best body and the best dresses! Quite full of energy and love to myself.

But maybe knitting is your thing. M

 

[Darhling]

First of all, I want to chime in and say that you took the first and biggest step by breaking up with him. Second of all, it is going to take time no matter what you do and even though it maybe won't speed up a healing process, making some changes around the home and to your apperance is allways fun, refreshing and almost every time, puts a smile on your face (and I guess that is the most important thing right now). I know that others have said these things before me, but I agree with them!

Get a new haircut or learn to style it differently

get a new haircolor

Look into how you can expand your social circle - let it be a knitting club, other dance classes, cooking classes, movie clubs, learn a new language etc.

re-decorate your home, a nice big spring cleaning and a fresh coat of paint!

start a new habit to please yourself, for instance, for every dinner meal no regards to it being home cooked or takeout, set a beautiful table for one, with candles, nice napkins etc. When we live with people for an extended period of time, we adapts each others habits or they blend and merge and (this is just from a personal point of view) just doing something different for yourself that pleases you, can help you grow and evolve

Is it okay to ask in which town you live? I live in Malmö, but I am from Denmark.. I have lived here for nearly 2 years..

 

[miserabelle]

I went from my last breakup and kind of threw myself into fashion, I love Japanese street fashion and was really into that as part of my own style while I was with my ex but I used the breakup as an excuse for a big personal spring clean and started dressing like I do now. I feel like a completely different person since then, and I'm much happier with myself and more confident. It's not just the clothes that have done that, but an image change is a big thing xxx

 

[Miss 1929]

Bless you!

For recognizing the problem and dealing with it before your life was taken somewhere very bad.
It is always very hard to break up with someone, no matter how abusive, after we have put time and effort into molding ourselves to them. You're a brave girl, and deserve all the nice things you can knit yourself!

 

[TessTrueheart]

First of all, good for you Anna Maria, I hope you are doing better!



fftopic:

Is it okay to ask in which town you live? I live in Malm??, but I am from Denmark.. I have lived here for nearly 2 years..

I'm trying to set up some form of FL get together in Copenhagen this summer (there is a thread about this in the events section). It would be so much fun to meet you girls from Sweden and Denmark!

 

[Darhling]

First of all, good for you Anna Maria, I hope you are doing better!



fftopic:


I'm trying to set up some form of FL get together in Copenhagen this summer (there is a thread about this in the events section). It would be so much fun to meet you girls from Sweden and Denmark!

That would be awesome! Can you by any chance post a link to the event? I cant seem to find it.

 

[TessTrueheart]

http://www.thefedoralounge.com/showthread.php?t=28880

Hope this works...

 

[AnnaMaria]

Thank you again for all the nice words and the support. I am indeed doing much better, I've started seeing my old friends that I almost lost during my relationship and I've made many new friends too. I also cut 8 inches of my hair and it looks and feels great. There are still times when I'm scared, but it's getting less frequent.

I have met a new guy (really sweet, he knows what have happened and he is really supportive), so my ex is quite mad and was about to hit my new boy the last time we met him. Fortunately I haven't seen him since and he have stopped calling me. I can only hope that he'll calm down.

What scares me the most is that I actually thought about taking him back in the beggining. It is hard to believe how much these kind of men can brake you down.

I live in Uddevalla, about 100 km north of Gothenburg. I will look at the thread about the get toghether as soon as I'm done writing this

 

[Smuterella]

you have met a new guy already! go for it girl!

 

[dani]

I've noticed that it always helped me to change my hairstyle, either colouring my hair, cutting it off, or letting it grow. ;-)
A little bit of redecorating your home might also work, even if it's only small things. Maybe you could get rid of some stuff that your ex bought or just put them out of sight so that they won't be constant reminders of your relationship.

All the best wishes to you,

Lothlorien

i always seemed to do this. every time i broke up with a guy i would change my hair, i guess it helped, because i always done it, with out even realizing it.

 

[Mary]

I posted this in another tread but I really love this book.

All about love by bell hooks. It's a very personal, smart book about relationsships. It's kind of a self-help book but not an ordinary one. She's a feminist and it's about self-love and respect and the joy in relationships. I-m not good att telling what's it about.

I gave it to a friend when her boyfriend broke up with her and it really helped her to see what her and what she wants and what's to do about it.

Teh first chapeter is not so easy to get trough but then their's chapters with exampels from her life and she's so wise.

Yes it's a wise book.

M

 

[Mary]

And you can read it if your intereted in realtionships and life so it's not a recent breakup-book.

 

[Mary]

And a link to it. Sorry for posting so many posts.

http://www.amazon.com/All-About-Lov...=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1207056180&sr=1-5

 

[AnnaMaria]

Thank you for the tip Mary. That book sounds very interesting.

I think my relationship with my ex taught me some things about both relationships and about self respect. I think (hope) that I will see the signs earlier if this would happen again and I'm sure I'll never let anyone treat me that way again!

 

[The Dame]

We live in a small town and are both part of the local Rockabilly crowd so we will see each other quite a lot too and have decided to try and stay friends if possible.

You have received lots of great advice and tips that I agree with, AM, but I am concerned with your interest in remaining friends. I have always subscribed to the not-friendly-after-the-break-up school of thought, mostly because my feelings in a romantic relationship were anything but friendly. The thought of being friends with an ex has never appealed to me. But particularly in your case, where you got out of an abusive relationship, trying to remain friends with this guy is a supremely BAD idea. If that wasn't clear to you before your new beau, it certainly should be now that he's threatened to hit him. From what I have observed with my sister and various friends over the years, trying to remain friends with an ex prolongs the pain of the break-up for both parties, plus the ex usually starts thinking you'll come back if you never really cut off all ties. And in an abusive relationship, you need to cut him off and completely! Amputate that turkey!!!

BTW, I'm glad you did cut your hair. Hair is the easiest change to make after a bad relationship - it grows back and changing its color is a snap. You should never be chicken about changing your hair. Just don't run out and get a tattoo - getting a tattoo is not something you want to do casually and on-the-spur-of-the-moment.

 

[AnnaMaria]

You have received lots of great advice and tips that I agree with, AM, but I am concerned with your interest in remaining friends. I have always subscribed to the not-friendly-after-the-break-up school of thought, mostly because my feelings in a romantic relationship were anything but friendly. The thought of being friends with an ex has never appealed to me. But particularly in your case, where you got out of an abusive relationship, trying to remain friends with this guy is a supremely BAD idea. If that wasn't clear to you before your new beau, it certainly should be now that he's threatened to hit him. From what I have observed with my sister and various friends over the years, trying to remain friends with an ex prolongs the pain of the break-up for both parties, plus the ex usually starts thinking you'll come back if you never really cut off all ties. And in an abusive relationship, you need to cut him off and completely! Amputate that turkey!!!

BTW, I'm glad you did cut your hair. Hair is the easiest change to make after a bad relationship - it grows back and changing its color is a snap. You should never be chicken about changing your hair. Just don't run out and get a tattoo - getting a tattoo is not something you want to do casually and on-the-spur-of-the-moment.

You don’t have to worry about that, that was written when I was still confused and hadn’t yet realized exactly how serious the situation was. I guess it was also yet another thing I did not to make him mad. I now know that I don’t want anything to do with him and I’m now strong enough to tell him that if I have to.

 

[The Dame]

Good! Because you definitely don't need him anywhere in your life - not as a friend, not as a boyfriend, not even as an acquaintance. Stick to your guns, girl! :eusa_clap