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Dealing with Divorce

Discussion in 'The Powder Room' started by PrettySquareGal, Aug 23, 2015.

  1. You're absolutely right -- women *do* need to be open about this sort of thing, and there's absolutely no need to be apologetic about it. No man has the right to squelch you like that, ever.
     
  2. Amy Jeanne

    Amy Jeanne Call Me a Cab

    The last straw was him cheating on me with a 25 year old girl (who looked about 12 years old). After we "separated" I unfortunately had to still live in the apartment with him until I got a job. He unapologetically would bring the girlfriend over in front of me. Also, my girl friend recently told me my husband had texted her for sex a few months before we split.

    He was a heartless POS. Still is. Ran into him at a car show 2 weeks ago. Nothing but venom and death stares. At one point I felt sorry for him and wanted him to get help for his anger issues, but right now I hope he stays unhappy and angry for the rest of his life. As long as he doesn't bring another woman down with him, he can ruin himself all he wants.
     
  3. Amy Jeanne

    Amy Jeanne Call Me a Cab

    As for how I dealt with it -- I don't recommend what I did to anyone, lol

    I drank. Every night after work. I couldn't wait to get home so I could DRINK until I passed out. I'm not a big drinker. Never was. But for about 6 months I was drunk almost every night. I also dated. A LOT. Most were duds, but I slept with a few of them. One was different and I ended up dating him for 3 months. He was an alcoholic with no job, he was a sociopath, and completely narcissistic. He was filling a hole left by my ex-husband and I truly felt I should take what I could get at that point. After all, this man SHOWERED me with attention!! Classic REBOUND relationship!

    Eventually, we broke up. I cried for about 3 days and then I was over it. Ever since, I quit drinking and I quit dating. I'm finally starting to see I can do everything I was forbidden to do while married. I'm styling my hair again, reading websites *I* find interesting (yes, even the Internet was controlled!), I buy cookies whenever I damn well feel like it, and no one disturbs me or blames me for the most ridiculous crap you can think of. I'm finally beginning to level out after 8 months. I went to therapy, too, which helped a lot. Just by DOING what I couldn't do for several years prior is helping me deal with the transition.
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2015
  4. Therapy is a very good thing, if only to give you a spot where you can really let out what you've been bottling up. Catharsis is a wonderful, wonderful feeling.

    When my mother threw out her second husband, who was both mentally and physically abusive to her, to me, and to my little sister, she enjoyed a bit of catharsis by utterly demolishing his motorcycle with a sledgehammer, and piling the remains out front for him to take away. I've always admired her for that.

    If you ever get up to New England, look me up, and we'll sit around the theatre after closing, eat cookies and watch 30s movies on the big screen all night.
     
  5. PrettySquareGal

    PrettySquareGal My Mail is Forwarded Here

    I sure am a happy gal over a year later! Phew.
     
    AmateisGal and LizzieMaine like this.
  6. I read this thread with interest as I divorced a verbally-abusive control-freak in 2012. The day the divorce was final, I felt like the proverbial ball-and-chain had been cut off my ankle! People would say, "I'm sorry" when they heard I'd divorced and I couldn't help but smile and bubble out, "I'm not!"

    So glad to read your update and hear that you are in a happy place!
     
    PrettySquareGal likes this.
  7. AmateisGal

    AmateisGal I'll Lock Up

    Resurrecting this thread because, yep, I'm getting a divorce.

    It wasn't my idea. My husband of nearly 18 years decided that he "didn't want to be married anymore" and "wants to do his own thing." I knew something was going on because he was withdrawing and not happy with much of everything in his life the past few months, but I had no clue that he wanted to end it. It was quite the gut punch, especially for our 16-year-old daughter.

    My husband and I were the very definition of opposites attract, yet we generally got along well and had a great time together. But we didn't have a lot of things in common and we grew up very differently, and that caused a lot of friction. It wasn't easy. We separated once and then got back together. We've tried and tried, and he knows me inside and out, just like I know him inside and out. We were best friends. I honestly thought we'd overcome things and make it last. Guess I was wrong. I think he's dealing with a midlife crisis and has visions of getting on a motorcycle and driving off to wherever the road takes him. He's 45, so the age fits.

    At first, I resisted the divorce, but now that I've realized that maybe this is for the best, I'm mostly at peace with it. I still am harboring anger and resentment toward him, so I'm going to get therapy, because honestly, I feel like he's abandoning me and our daughter to "go do his own thing." It just feels incredibly selfish of him.

    Anyway, I've got a long journey ahead, but I've been very fortunate to have an incredible support system in my friends, family, and coworkers. It's made all the difference.

    Some day I'll start dating again, but have no desire to right now. I need to regroup and find myself again. I'm thinking the stress level will go WAY down because to be honest, it was pretty high during most of our marriage (another clue that this was the right decision), though right now finances are going to be very tight. He also hasn't yet moved out, so he's bouncing between friend's houses and comes home for a few days, then leaves again. That's not healthy for me or for our daughter.
     
  8. AmateisGal

    AmateisGal I'll Lock Up

    I know there are good men out there. I thought my husband would never leave. He always told me that. Strange how people change...
     
  9. PrettySquareGal

    PrettySquareGal My Mail is Forwarded Here

    I'm so sorry to hear about your pain. You have gotten used to living with a constant high level of stress. It takes a toll on your physical, emotional and psychological health and well-being. As the drama becomes a thing of the past, you will begin to heal, a tiny bit daily. Those little victories won't be noticeable at first. Weeks go by, months, where you're feeling pain. Will it stop? You will start to notice that you are able to accomplish more. You aren't walking on eggshells. You aren't replaying conversations and fights in your head. You will see! Right now you're still in it. You WILL heal, you WILL see things more clearly and I suspect you WILL one day be very grateful that this happened!
     
    queen of jacque and AmateisGal like this.
  10. Absolutely right. I've never known any woman to say, years after the fact, "jeez, you know, I wish I'd never gotten divorced."
     
  11. AmateisGal

    AmateisGal I'll Lock Up

    Thank you. I needed to hear this. I have been living with the drama for SO long that I'm not sure what life is like without it! But I am definitely looking forward to it! :)
     
    PrettySquareGal likes this.

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