love sick :(

[Naama]

So here I am, 22 and broken hearted for the first time in my life..... :/

I don't know, I never really fell for anyone, and now I fell for someone I wasn't even interested in, he wanted to get to know me and now he doesn't seem to be interested in me anymore..... The winter (over here it's already snowing) and the christmas time doesn't really help much to comfort....

So I wonder, what do you do if stupid guys cross your way? What does help to comfort and what helps to stops hoping by every message or call you get that it's him.... (I hate myself for that, it feels so pathetic, feeling bad because of a guy feels pathetic in generall somehow.... )


Naama

 

[happyfilmluvguy]

I have a very good friend who, once she broke up with her boyfriend, did the exact same thing. She tried to get interested in someone she had no interest in and it didn't work out either. She's since forgotten about it, but it took time and patience and keeping herself occupied. I also think that there is a college boy in her theatre class she became interested in and forgot about everything else.

 

[Miss Brill]

The best way to get over someone is to not think about them, and the only way to do that is to stay busy. If you stop thinking about them all the time, you'll change the way you see them when you do see or think of them. You are more able to view them in a less romantic light.

 

[RetroBabydoll]

If you feel like calling him.....call a friend instead. You can even tell your friend the situation and that you need a buddy to just call when you feel like calling him. Make sure to start going out with friends too......that sure helped me.

*hug*

 

[Lady Day]

Welcome to the notches in life. These are the parts of living that make us who we are. That said, it ain't an easy hurdle to get over. You'll ache a little less after the first month (if you're lucky), but it may never go away. It might end up a smile from a thought you'll have. That would be the best outcome.

You'll just have to endure right now, my friend. Talk to girlfriends, rent chick flicks, take a bath, go shopping. Anything to get your mind off 'it' for a while.

Good luck,

LD

 

[deadpandiva]

Sorry to here about your broken heart. I have never been inlove before but the advice listed here sounds very good. Sometimes it's just nice to have someone to talk to. Lean on your friends for awhile.

 

[Eliza]

Busy yourself with family, friends and scotch.......seriously, busy yourself with family and friends.

 

[Paisley]

Not only stay busy, but stop thinking about it. (At least, for me, a big problem was overanalyzing the situation.) If you keep your mind on it, you won't get enough perspective to understand what went wrong.

And don't contact him.

 

[The Wingnut]

Before a bartender comes in a shoos all the guys out, I'll impart some knowledge from my experience.

Don't call him, email, text, make contact. Go back to 'being you' as you were before you met, but attempt to learn from the experience. I made the mistake of going back the first two times I had a relationship fall apart, and it only makes things worse. The person rejects you again eventually. The last I had a break-up, I simply broke contact and busied myself with my life, and went back to 'being me'. I've seen her once since, and didn't bother getting her attention. As far as she knows, I've vanished into oblivion and she'll wonder for the rest of her life what happened to me. Sort of revenge in itself. One relationship went bad shortly before Christmas, and to put my mind on other things, I concentrated on spending time with my family and enjoying the holiday atmosphere...it was one of the best Christmases I ever had.

Start looking for someone again once you find that you no longer yearn for that person or think of them on a day-to-day basis. Trying to jump right back into a relationship is a bad idea, 'on the rebound' stuff is a recipe for further disaster.

 

[retromom147]

I'm so sorry to hear that Naama. Try taking a long bubble bath with candles and YOUR favorite music or book. Then get all dolled up, look in the mirror and realize that he is the one who leaves with less 'cause you still have You. He's not the one who got away hun...he wasn't the right one at all. This is the hardest time but in a few months you will remember it for how it made you grow...not for the pain you feel now.
Talk to family and do tons of fun stuff with your girls. Here's a virtual hug.
Love from Me.

 

[pennycarrol]

I am truly sorry ... I did not really know the situation, but I can try to put myself in your place ... I never really experienced the great love, so I never had a great sorrow of love ... I advise you to see your friends to go out and especially not to mention him (either to your friends or your family)! Throw away your cell phone/mobile lol!!

 

[reetpleat]

Basic advice. Believe in your self worth and believe you will find plenty of people to appreciate you and move on.

Although, I once heard the advice of building a shrine to them and kneeling before it and praying or worshipping or meditating before it every day until you start to feel so silly or dumb that you can't help but laugh. Then you are over them.

My favorite advice. Listen to Bob Dylan's Blood on the Tracks till you feel better. It is all about change and how change is inevitable, and yo ucan cherish the past, but must alwasy move on.

 

[Camille]

The others have said so many good things. Friends and family is usually what keeps my mind off things, or to just bring your old self back.

Usually, when I'm in a relationship, I focus abit -too- much on the relationship, making me unable to have time for all the things that's "me". So I usually pick all those things up again after being dumped. A sort of "remember yourself"-process. Do the things that used to make you happy, and let time work it's magic.

Good luck, being heartbroken is a pain, but at least it's an experience.

 

[Dracca]

Sorry Naama

It just takes time, really. Until that happens, try to keep you mind on other things, as some others said, it helps.

 

[pennyseranade]

Heartbreak...

Naama,

The first heartbreak is always the hardest. Keep your friends and family close...they will help you heal. Remember that love will find you when you least expect it. When it does, don't be afraid to give your heart away.

 

[Paisley]

Whether you should rely on friends and family depends on the friends and family. My mother thought my ex-boyfriend and I were a great couple, and she encouraged me to go back to him. :eusa_doh:

 

[Joie DeVive]

I'm so sorry Naama. Those heartaches can hurt so much.

There is a lot of good advice here. I agree wholeheartedly with the mainstays. Keep occupied. Keep friends around you. Steer entirely clear of the fellow.

Music plays a big part in heartbreak for many people. Go with what works for you. Some people want sad music so they can have a good cry, and that's fine, just don't get stuck there. I often used terribly perky, happy music over and over to keep my spirits up. It's annoying to a roommate, but worked well for me.

I also advocate primping a little extra if you can. I always feel great if I look great, so I put a little extra into looking good at times like these. Wear some of your favorite clothes and shoes, the ones that make you look great, so you sometimes save them. Wear that favorite lipstick, and if you can, smile. I know that last one is tough to do right now, but there are scientific studies out that claim smiling helps release chemicals in your brain that make you feel happy. So, in theory, the more you smile (whether you mean it or not) the happier you will become. Kind of a matter over mind thing.

Good luck. I hope your heart heals soon.

Joie

 

[ScionPI2005]

I have to agree with the "stay busy" concept-that is one of the things that really does work. I have found it not only important when dealing with heartbreak, but also for grieving the loss of a family member or close friend.

I know this probably doesn't help right now, but keep in mind that you're not the only one that is going, or has gone through this. You just have to know and believe that you will get through the heartbreak and you will survive. The human emotion does do a very good job of healing; just not very fast unfortunately.

 

[desi_de_lu_lu]

Have a plan for every hour of the day that you will be alone. Staying busy is key, but if you don't know what to do to "stay busy" you may find yourself ruminating over the person again.

Now is a good time to 'spring' clean your house, go through your drawers, throw out old stuff, maybe ebay some stuff, index your CD's, index your DVD's, try a new hobby, maybe take a class at the community college, volunteer, (volunteering is a GREAT one for meeting new people etc.)

Basically make yourself a to-do list of all the things you wanted to get done and distract yourself.

I always focused on improving myself too, in the middle of a breakup I always joined a gym. The endorphins will kick start your moods in the right direction.

Remember: Living well is the best revenge.

 

[Story]

Deputize some of your closer friends to babysit your emotions, particularly around Christmas and New Year's - with specific instructions to slap you upside the head when they catch you feeling sorry for yourself.

Time will pass quickly and when you can laugh about it, there's always Madonna's classic line: NEXT!