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Clean Jokes

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Turnip

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My mother's basement
Me, back in my thirstier days: I’d like a vodka and tonic, please.

Bartender: Sorry, man. I can’t serve alcohol until 10 a.m., state law, you see. But wanna have a seat? It’s only 10 minutes ’til 10.

Me: Sure, thanks.

Bartender: Care for a vodka and tonic while you’re waiting?
Variation on the above …

Me: Good morning, good sir. Might I have a vodka and tonic?

Bartender: So sorry, my good man, but state law prohibits me from serving alcoholic beverages prior to 10 a.m. But it’s only 10 minutes until 10, and you are certainly welcome to make yourself comfortable until then. Might you wish a Coors Light while you’re waiting?
 
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19,121
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Funkytown, USA
A young lady phones her boyfriend:

"Honey, can you come over? I'm working on a jigsaw puzzle and I'm having a devil of a time with it. None of the pieces seem right. If you could help me get it started, I'm sure I could finish it!"

"Sure, dear, I'll come right over. What's the puzzle of?"

"A rooster."

Well, he gets over to her place and asks her to see the picture on the box before they get started. He puts the box down and says, "Honey, this puzzle is never going to go together and you're never going to be able to get the picture on the box. Now, let me make you some tea and we'll work on getting these Corn Flakes back in the box."
 
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12,468
Location
Germany
A young lady phones her boyfriend:

"Honey, can you come over? I'm working on a jigsaw puzzle and I'm having a devil of a time with it. None of the pieces seem right. If you could help me get it started, I'm sure I could finish it!"

"Sure, dear, I'll come right over. What's the puzzle of?"

"A rooster."

Well, he gets over to her place and asks her to see the picture on the box before they get started. He puts the box down and says, "Honey, this puzzle is never going to go together and you're never going to be able to get the picture on the box. Now, let me make you some tea and we'll work on getting these Corn Flakes back in the box."

No sexual pointe? Kind of a double joke, right?? ;););)
 
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