Esquire thinks our best assassin needs help.

Discussion in 'The Reading Room' started by Matt Deckard, Mar 28, 2019.

  1. Matt Deckard

    Matt Deckard Man of Action

    M — “And yet he’s more trustworthy and more effective than any agent we have. Money Penny, increase the drinking allowance to all agents in training, and put out an address that all agents that are afield will receive urine examination kits to evaluate their daily alcohol intake. If they fail to return the kit each week, they will be ejected from the Double 0 program upon evaluation by me. Failure at being intoxicated regularly on assignment is not allowed. I’m going down to see Q right now to work this out, so buzz me there if you need me.”

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  2. MisterCairo

    MisterCairo I'll Lock Up

    Gads Hill, Ontario
    A study meant to be "fun".


    From the study:

    "...Bond displayed "severe alcohol use disorder" over the course of six decades and 24 movies. The study authors found that in his entire onscreen career, Bond drank 109 times. His most excessive outing, when he downed six Vespers and raised his blood alcohol level to approximately .36 grams per deciliter in Quantum Quantum of Solace, was "enough to kill some people," they noted. There is strong and consistent evidence that James Bond has a chronic alcohol consumption problem at the 'severe' end of the spectrum," the study authors concluded. "He should seek professional help and try to find other strategies for managing occupational stress."

    This Bond study was intended to be "fun," the lead study author told the Washington Post; it won a Christmas competition held by the Medical Journal of Australia.

    From the article:

    "This seems like a good time to remind everyone that James Bond is a made-up person. He has been young and sprightly since 1962. He goes through cocktails, cars, and women at a comical rate. He is in no way a role model for a healthy lifestyle. He is not real. If "fun" means prescribing a fictional character with real-life disorders, then by all means, proceed with the analysis. We all would be interested to know how soon Aquaman is stricken with a severe breathing problem in his underwater lair, or how many gamma rays it takes to cause chronic Hulk-sized rage in mild mannered scientists.
  3. Tiki Tom

    Tiki Tom One Too Many

    Vienna, Austria
    I don’t know. I save the world daily, like Bond. I have multiple beautiful women throwing themselves at me (routinely) like bond. I drive over-powered muscle cars like bond. And, yes, I drink fancy booze like a fish like Bond. (Not to mention wearing perfectly tailored formal wear and visiting only the most fashionable locations.) yet, for all that, why do people whisper that I am Walter Mitty?
  4. scottyrocks

    scottyrocks I'll Lock Up

    Isle of Langerhan, NY
    I don't know, I think that excessive consumption of alcohol would be necessary for one to be relaxed enough to do some of the ridiculous things he did.

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