Spatterdash
A-List Customer
- Messages
- 310
I was recently waylaid on the road of my normal schedule and taken to a future husband and his companions. The soon-to-be groom imparted to me his tale of sorrow and desperation.
It seems that despite a working knowledge of Google and internet research, the doomed bachelor had found nothing to shed light on his beloved's commands concerning the wedding. She demanded that he dress himself and his party as gentlemen should for a traditional wedding and that he should learn for himself what that means. The couple are scheduled to be wed before lunch at a lakeside chapel with the bride providing no preferences beyond an honouring of tradition. So I had been brought forward to guide the party through the many choices at the formalwear boutique. My decisions would be treated as gospel as long as I also provided explanations for my choices. I was told money was no issue and the faith of the men was mine to destroy or validate. So away we went.
I decked them all in morningwear, to include charcoal cutaway coats, nailhead slacks, gray gloves and vests and white wing collar shirts. The grooms men get black four-in-hand ties, the groom a black cravat with stickpin. I pointed the groom to a few online locations for a real silk hat if he wished to purchase one, and instructed him that his gloves and hat should go to the second man in the party, not the best man, his job is the ring and the groom's welfare. Every single thing was questioned but we had fun and everyone seems enthused.
"I thought mourning wear was for funerals."
"It is, this is morningwear, not mourning wear."
"Huh?"
"You know, the wedding is before lunch in the...?"
"Oh."
"Why do men dress alike at formal events?"
"To look distinguished while allowing the ladies all the attention".
"Wow, that's kinda classy."
"Why is the bottom vest button left undone?"
"Because more educated men than us saw the King do it when he got fat, and they honoured him. We honour them.
Same rule with the coats, gentlemen, top buttons only."
"Why did you learn all this stuff?"
"Because I like giving the bridesmaids of the world something to enjoy."
Despite the many threads in the Lounge concerning tacky comments and odd reactions to even our more reserved clothing, have you ladies and gents ever been approached quietly by a friend as some sort of guru of style, some keeper of the wardrobe's secrets?
It seems that despite a working knowledge of Google and internet research, the doomed bachelor had found nothing to shed light on his beloved's commands concerning the wedding. She demanded that he dress himself and his party as gentlemen should for a traditional wedding and that he should learn for himself what that means. The couple are scheduled to be wed before lunch at a lakeside chapel with the bride providing no preferences beyond an honouring of tradition. So I had been brought forward to guide the party through the many choices at the formalwear boutique. My decisions would be treated as gospel as long as I also provided explanations for my choices. I was told money was no issue and the faith of the men was mine to destroy or validate. So away we went.
I decked them all in morningwear, to include charcoal cutaway coats, nailhead slacks, gray gloves and vests and white wing collar shirts. The grooms men get black four-in-hand ties, the groom a black cravat with stickpin. I pointed the groom to a few online locations for a real silk hat if he wished to purchase one, and instructed him that his gloves and hat should go to the second man in the party, not the best man, his job is the ring and the groom's welfare. Every single thing was questioned but we had fun and everyone seems enthused.
"I thought mourning wear was for funerals."
"It is, this is morningwear, not mourning wear."
"Huh?"
"You know, the wedding is before lunch in the...?"
"Oh."
"Why do men dress alike at formal events?"
"To look distinguished while allowing the ladies all the attention".
"Wow, that's kinda classy."
"Why is the bottom vest button left undone?"
"Because more educated men than us saw the King do it when he got fat, and they honoured him. We honour them.
Same rule with the coats, gentlemen, top buttons only."
"Why did you learn all this stuff?"
"Because I like giving the bridesmaids of the world something to enjoy."
Despite the many threads in the Lounge concerning tacky comments and odd reactions to even our more reserved clothing, have you ladies and gents ever been approached quietly by a friend as some sort of guru of style, some keeper of the wardrobe's secrets?
fftopic: by the way, I really love the way you write, Spatterdash 
