Slicked hair mini-editorial

[Jovan]

Anything I should add/change/correct?

http://nouveauvintage.blogspot.com/2008/02/trick-to-slicked-back-hair.html

As my blog is currently linked on the Thick as Thieves Blog, I want to turn on the people there (which would mostly be clothes shoppers from California and other style forums) to some elements of classic style. Let me know what you think and if I should keep going in this direction.

 

[skbellis]

Nice job..

Jovan,

Nice job! I really enjoyed your article. Good, precise information.

Cheers,

---Scott

 

[Josephine]

Anything I should add/change/correct?

I'm not an editor, though I play on on the internet (I beta [don't laugh] fan fiction for some people), here's some things I noticed:

They are much finer than a comb, so they don't leave telltale separation marks as much as one.

I'm unsure what "one" refers to. As one separation mark? As a comb?

You can look at it here.

Did you mean to make "here" a link?

...Acca Kappa make two brushes...

"Make" should be "makes".

People I know at the community, The Fedora Lounge, swear by them.

Either take out the commas or make "the" into "a vintage" or something similar.

Watch out though -- while there are modern inventions of pomades, some of them are water based... basically a thicker version of gel. Of course, there are other modern hair dressings, waxes, and so forth that do just fine. Look at the labels before buying. Layrite is a somewhat modern invention by Hawleywoods Barbershop of California that others highly recommended to me.

You use the word "modern" three times here, and "modern invention" twice. I have a pet peeve about using the same word in sentences right after or close to another, but if you're happy with the way this reads, then keep it. If you want to change it, you could use "recent" or "contemporary". Invention to me means something totally new, I would use "version", "innovation", or "style".

... your hair will be soft and pliable, (a plus for your lady/gentleman) and it...

Move the comma to after "(a plus for your lady/gentleman)".

For more in depth [and probably better] advice, I suggest going to The Fedora Lounge. They can give good pointers, but are mainly centred around clothes. Another one to try is SlickVille.com who also have a review of Layrite Deluxe Pomade.

I would make "The Fedora Lounge" into a link; use ( ) instead of [ ]; "centred" should be spelled "centered"; "have" should be "has". I'm a bit iffy on using "They can give good pointers...", I'm leaning toward "This site can give..." or The members there can give..."

I like the way you've written it, it's like a conversation and not a "lecture". It's not too in depth (step by step instructions), however it's still informative and you have links so people can learn more about the subject. :eusa_clap

 

[skyvue]

I dream of a product that gives a slick(ish) look without a) being stiff or b) being greasy and unpleasant to touch.

 

[Jovan]

Josephine: I thank you for your advice and have edited the points you mentioned, but I'll let you know centred is the British spelling and I'm from Canada.

 

[Josephine]

Josephine: I thank you for your advice and have edited the points you mentioned, but I'll let you know centred is the British spelling and I'm from Canada.

You're welcome. Funny, though, you don't have an accent... lol

 

[Jovan]

And when have you heard my voice? lol

 

[Jay]

I thought it was good. Lots of different varieties of pomades and such, even some I haven't heard of. It should be a nice primer for those looking to spiff up their image. Nice work, Jovan.

 

[Shaul-Ike Cohen]

I dream of a product that gives a slick(ish) look without a) being stiff or b) being greasy and unpleasant to touch.

Who doesn't?

One might add b.β) leaves no trace whatsoever in hats or on pillows and the like, c) washes or even brushes out easily and d) has no smell at all, not even a "nice" one, which the user can always add if wanted.

Of course, it should work not only only thin hair, but also on hair like mine, which, when cut back to a military cut, would probably work as a good military brush as well.

You got that, chemists? Then enjoy your glass of champagne and go back to work to do the same thing again, this time for a natural, non-slick look.

 

[Jovan]

Thanks for the compliments, everyone. I've learned a great deal since coming here and then further researching on the web!

Please, feel free to leave comments on my blog as well. They are always welcome, even if I don't agree with them.