Looks like a pig staring at a wristwatch, is something my old supervisor used to say that I always got a chuckle out of.
Luckily, I learned a long time ago, in my early 30s, the only fun part of alcohol is the initial Buzz, it's all down hill after that. So one beer is usually more then enough! If I even finish that.
I dunno if anyone outside of Australia has ever used, or even heard of this one. To this day, I've only heard ONE person say it, and that was my highschool legal-studies teacher. "As useless/hopeless as a one-legged man at an ass-kicking contest!"
I frequently hear a twist on that around here. Someone says they have been working harder than a one legged man at said contest. I've also heard "working harder than a one armed paper hanger" , which seems to be falling out of use because wallpaper seems to pretty much be a thing of the past, at least in these parts.
I seem to recall "As nervous as a long-tailed paper hanger in a rum full of one-armed cats in rocking chairs." Or something. Anyone remember the expression "Like Carter has pills"? Or "Fits like a Motorman's Glove".
I recall older folks alluding to Carter and his pills. It meant essentially the same thing as "All the tea in China," which is another phrase rarely heard anymore.
Often used here in the USA, usually as an expression of a sense of futility of one's own efforts, e.g. "I feel like a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest!"
I've never heard that one, but I've heard "he's so stupid he couldn't pour **** out of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel."
Yes, but I usually heard it in the context of, "That guy has more [fill in the blank] than Carter has liver pills."