What to do when they just don't get it

[luvthatlulu]

:eusa_clap

I didn't realize there were so many women out there who were anti hats. I love a gentleman in a hat. [huh]

Will you marry us?

 

[KObalto]

Well

I can only hope to marry someone like Deelovely someday.

if Indycop keeps bugging her about his Xmas gift, you may have your chance sooner than you think.

 

[Mike in Seattle]

There's also the idea of taking a stand and saying "I'll wear what I want to - do I tell you how to dress?" And there's another idea - make a few similar snarky comments about what she and your daughter wear that you're not exactly ecstatic over. Or perhaps slightly softened to "I'm wearing what makes me happy - do you want to rob me of that little bit of joy?"

It's a two-way street. Sometimes when someone hears their type of comments coming from the person they make those comments to, they see things in an entirely new light.

 

[Jovan]

if Indycop keeps bugging her about his Xmas gift, you may have your chance sooner than you think.

Not to disparage her, but I should be considering marrying people who aren't twice my age. lol Actually, I'm not even thinking about marriage. I'm too young for that!

 

[Mid-fogey]

I think...

...some level of concern for the feelings of your wife would be nice. My wife isn't wild about my hats. She could care less what I wear to work or when I'm out on my own. She does tolerate them at church when I'm in coat and tie. She likes newsboys and other types of caps. So if casually dressed and with her, I usually default to them.

My daughter has a fedora of her own and is proud to be in it and to be seen with me in mine -- of course she is only eight going on nine.

If your wife is like mine, she may be uncomfortable with with either being looked at (she is very shy), or being seen as non-conforming -- that really bothers some people and there is no point in telling them it shouldn't.

It's really a very little thing to make a small compromise to make someone you love comfortable. Perhaps if you do so she may say less to your daughter too.

 

[Hat Head]

Broke my wife in early

I've always been a bit of a peacock when it comes to clothing - brighter colors, different patterns, wearing things that aren't "hip" and then abandoning them when they become too hip, etc.

This is how my wife met me, and it's all she's known. Hats are only my most recent symptom of this.

She rolls her eyes every now and then, and I'll ask her advice every now and then (and actually take it from time to time), but for the most part she has no problem with how I dress, including hats.

 

[woodsie]

Who's The Boss

RJC,
I heard Houston has a plethora of A-List divorce lawyers. Go for full or joint custody of kids, give her the house, 401k, both cars, savings accounts and......KEEP THE LIDS !!!!!!!!! I've got some hats from the 50's, and they keep their shape, and age better than.. (Fill in the blank)

 

[Tango Yankee]

My wife only objected when the money was flying out the window and hats were magically appearing. And she objects to my boater.

My wife likes how I look in my hats, but has the same issue with money disappearing/hats appearing. She thinks it's become an obsession, and she may be right. :eusa_doh:

Cheers,
Tom

PS I think she'd object to me in a boater as well.

 

[jdbenson]

Hmmm

First of all, wear what you like. It's your life so be happy. If that means hats, that means wearin' hats.

Second, I think your wife may be a little insecure. She doesn't like hats, and it sounds like she assumes that EVERYONE else (other than you) agrees with her. So when you wear your hat, not only do you look bad, SHE looks bad just for standin' next to you. That's not the case. People don't assume how you look (good or bad) means anything about your wife, or anyone else next to you.

Reassure your wife that you love her and care for her more than anything else in the world (including hats). But tell her that you enjoy wearing hats, it harms no one and you would appreciate her keeping her feelings to herself (at best) or between the two of you. It's no one elses business, so she really should keep your children out of it. Including them in her insecurity will only instill that same insecurity in them, and neither one of you wants that.

Good luck!

 

[Red McCutcheon]

d

Who knew there were so many great marriage counselors on TFL?! They're coming outta the damn woodwork!

lol

 

[leo]

When my wife speaks...I listen. She has a finely tuned fashion sense honed by years in the clothing industry. I wear hats to stay healthy, but do not want to embarrass her when we are together.

The upside is that she cannot complain much when I "need" to buy a new hat. After all, she typically travels with about 3 outfits for each day!

Bill

 

[Brian Sheridan]

I LOVE this thread because...well...I can relate!

My wife and I went to a hat shop in downtown Cleveland (the hat shop in Erie went out of business long ago). She always tolerated my wearing a hat now and then. When we went to the shop, this cool old guy helped me pick the right hat. Also, lots of well dressed African American men were wearing them. She kidded me about being the only white guy buying a hat. She used to say I was too young (41) to be wearing hats like that but I **** it with attitude and I think it works.

Just last week, she saw a picture of Patrick "Dr. McDreamy" Dempsy wearing a newsboy hat. Now, she thinks it would be okay if I bought one of those too. lol

My best advice is not to be stubborn about wearing a hat all of the time. Wear them when it makes sense (or she's not around). Don't make a big deal out of it and she'll hopefully she'll come around.

But wait until I spring a pair of spectators on here. THAT should be interesting.

 

[Snazzy]

My fiance is really supportive of my hat "obsession" (for lack of a better word), but she does have ones that she would rather I not wear. She definitely is fond of a gray hat more than the brown ones. It really just depends with her. I think it's more of a "time and place" type thing with her when I want to wear one. Sometimes she just likes my hair

 

[AlanC]

RJC,
I heard Houston has a plethora of A-List divorce lawyers. Go for full or joint custody of kids, give her the house, 401k, both cars, savings accounts and......KEEP THE LIDS !!!!!!!!! I've got some hats from the 50's, and they keep their shape, and age better than.. (Fill in the blank)

Now there's good advice.

 

[Mustang]

MY wife

...is very accepting of me and my obsession with hats. She even says she likes my Tilley T3's. I told her recently that I want to get a fedora. She likes them, which is great, BUT, even if she didn't like them, I'd still get one...and wear it. She'd have to learn to like it. . In all seriousness, even if she didn't like them she would be fine with it. I know she didn't like my Tilley's at first. But she was very kind and just went along with it. Probably hoping it was a fad. That was about 6 years ago!

 

[fatwoul]

The most - well, pretty much the only - negative reaction to my hats has also come from a female; a friend's collie, so jittery at the best of times. And she just hates hats.

This dog barks at me when I am wearing any of my felts, or even runs away and hides. The cap deanglen has loaned to me is OK with her, though. I think this is because it is a lighter colour and doesn't shade my face.

Any fedora, though, has to be taken off when I am around her; taken off and put in a high place, lest she chewed it.

 

[Rider]

The most - well, pretty much the only - negative reaction to my hats has also come from a female; a friend's collie, so jittery at the best of times. And she just hates hats.

The Harley Shop I frequent has a resident Golden Retreiver. I've been in and out of there lots of times in jeans and a leather biker jacket. The dog doesn't lift an eyebrow. Yesterday, I stop by in a fedora, and the dog wouldn't stop barking and staring at me.

I guess it's not used to the high life.

 

[johnnycanuck]

My wife is fine with my hats so I can not relate there, but sunglasses, she hates my wayfarer sunglasses. So I own a pair and only wear them when she is not with me. Going to work, out for a walk, going to the store. So just dont wear your hat around her. wear it the rest of the time.
Johnny

 

[BegintheBeguine]

I LOVE this thread because...well...I can relate!

My wife and I went to a hat shop in downtown Cleveland (the hat shop in Erie went out of business long ago). She always tolerated my wearing a hat now and then. When we went to the shop, this cool old guy helped me pick the right hat. Also, lots of well dressed African American men were wearing them. She kidded me about being the only white guy buying a hat. She used to say I was too young (41) to be wearing hats like that but I **** it with attitude and I think it works.

Just last week, she saw a picture of Patrick "Dr. McDreamy" Dempsy wearing a newsboy hat. Now, she thinks it would be okay if I bought one of those too. lol

My best advice is not to be stubborn about wearing a hat all of the time. Wear them when it makes sense (or she's not around). Don't make a big deal out of it and she'll hopefully she'll come around.

But wait until I spring a pair of spectators on here. THAT should be interesting.

You could call your hat a newsman hat.

 

[Tony in Tarzana]

Well, I don't have a wife but I do have lots of hats, so anyone applying for the job would already know what she's getting into.

Here in the Los Angeles area, I just don't get the negativity from the population at large that some of the folks get in other communities. I do get compliments, and the ladies I meet all seem to enjoy, or at least tolerate my various lids.