You know you are getting old when:

Discussion in 'The Observation Bar' started by GHT, Apr 18, 2014.

  1. tonyb

    tonyb Vendor

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    And you know you’re old when you find them still plenty hot enough anyway.
     
  2. Zombie_61

    Zombie_61 I'll Lock Up

    Hallelujah! Preach it Brother!
     
  3. GHT

    GHT I'll Lock Up

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    "Sex at the age of ninety, is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." ~ George Burns

    "I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table." ~ Rodney Dangerfield

    "I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin." ~ Groucho Marx

    "My father told me all about the birds and the bees--the liar. I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one." ~ Bob Hope

    "I know nothing about sex, because I was always married." ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
     
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  4. Hat and Rehat

    Hat and Rehat Call Me a Cab

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    I did the same thing, but not over the back. Upon landing at a weird angle I went face first into the pavement. I staggered to the front porch, dripping blood the entire way from a nasty gash in my right eyebrow where my glasses disintegrated into my face.
    My daughter, Amber, was shouting, "Call 911! Call 911!"

    I was plenty dazed, but had enough composure, even while watching blood run from my palm, which was slapped to my forehead, toward my elbow, to say, "No! Do NOT call 911! Do NOT call 911!"

    Explaining that injury would have been worse than experiencing it, and I couldn't come up with a convincing lie on such short notice.

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  5. Hat and Rehat

    Hat and Rehat Call Me a Cab

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    I heard my grandparents music to the accompaniment of bubbles and an accent from the Alsace region of France.

    "And a vun, and a tuoo...."

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  6. MisterCairo

    MisterCairo I'll Lock Up

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    Grandparents' music now is the Beatles and the Rolling Stones.

    I'm so old I remember a joke, not by Garry Shandling but a comic that looked like him, at that time dating a woman so young she said to him "Hey, did you know Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings"?
     
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  7. Hat and Rehat

    Hat and Rehat Call Me a Cab

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    This probably deserves a new thread, but, upon sitting next to a young beauty at the bar, I asked to accompany her home. Why, she responded, you're old enough to be my father!
    Quite possible, I said, what's your mother's name?

    The tuba and drums usually come in at that point.

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  8. tonyb

    tonyb Vendor

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    I’ve never been much of a Bob Hope fan (his humor played much better to an audience some decades older than me), but this joke is uncharacteristically subtle and self-deprecating.
     
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  9. GHT

    GHT I'll Lock Up

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    That sounds like quite a nasty experience, at least you were coherent enough to collect your senses and take charge. Poor Amber, what must she have thought seeing Dad looking so battered.

    Next time you see her, you can tell her that in the UK, the ambulance service crews have a name for those who drink themselves into a stupor, they call them PP's. Not meant to mock your unfortunate experience, PP means pavement pizza. My retired paramedic missus came home from a busy shift some years ago. "You look exhausted," I said, passing her a strong cup of tea. "We had three pavement pizzas," she replied, adding with a sigh, "Saturday nights!"
     
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  10. Hat and Rehat

    Hat and Rehat Call Me a Cab

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    You never know with your children.
    Some learn from your good example. Some learn, maybe more, from your bad example.
    I don't believe Amber ever "pulled a wheelie."

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  11. Hat and Rehat

    Hat and Rehat Call Me a Cab

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    Also, I did "ride a wheelie" for about 30 feet before the inglorious end. Bob will probably appreciate that.

    Snatching victory from the ashes of defeat! ;-)

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  12. tonyb

    tonyb Vendor

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    A few weeks back I witnessed a young fellow on a motorcycle pulling a wheelie right through an intersection of two well-travelled roads. No helmet.

    I was young once, and considerably more bulletproof than I am today. But I was never *that* bulletproof.
     
  13. Trenchfriend

    Trenchfriend I'll Lock Up

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    When you can not more find any youthful fun in car driving.
     
  14. Harp

    Harp I'll Lock Up

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    Last year, while I watched a Cubs game inside a Van Buren Avenue 'Sox' bar in downtown Chicago,
    several lovely ladies took seats at the bar before inexplicably launching an engagement ring discussion.
    One particularly lovely lass turned to me and complained that her boyfriend of three years had seemingly
    lost interest in her, and hadn't bestowed either proposal or engagement ring; so, what advice would I offer?
    (This type of scenario has never occurred prior to, or afterwards at this locale, or any other establishment
    within the Chicago city limits-at least by my experience) So I simply said, "three strikes and he's out, Miss."
    And this fetching colleen looked at me and remarked I was old enough to be her father, I didn't know anything,
    and ought to keep my opinions to myself. ;)
     
  15. tonyb

    tonyb Vendor

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    ^^^^^
    That’s a hoot!
     
  16. Hat and Rehat

    Hat and Rehat Call Me a Cab

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    If only I had supplied the comeback earlier.
    Go Cubs!
    Chicago born and bred.

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  17. tonyb

    tonyb Vendor

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    I’ll never be that old. Heavy traffic is no fun, but out here in the wide-open spaces of the western U.S. lengthy car trips never lose their appeal to me.
     
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  18. Hat and Rehat

    Hat and Rehat Call Me a Cab

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    Have you seen them hit the front brake to wheelie on the front tire?
    I believe we were calling it "bravado" a few days ago, but I'm ready to call a spade a spade.
    Balls.

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  19. Hat and Rehat

    Hat and Rehat Call Me a Cab

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    Mountain roads, at night.

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  20. tonyb

    tonyb Vendor

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    That’s where their brains are, until they’re on the pavement.
     

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