George Carlin on Aging (and NO dirty words!)

[Zemke Fan]

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life... you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony... YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG:

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them."

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

And if you don't send this to at least 8 people - who cares? But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!

 

[mysterygal]

great topic ! it makes me get a kick out of my kids who want so desperately to be a grown-up...no matter how many times I tell them to just enjoy being a kid..your only this age once, it's like kids have this unrealistic fantasy about what it's like to be older (not that it doesn't have it's own advantages!). I remember not being so excited about turning 21 (probably since I got my wild streaks out of the way when I was younger) but I loved turning 25, it just sounded like an age that had a ring of maturity to it, and I was hoping by then people would start taking me seriously instead of looking at me like 'oh, what does she know, she's just a kid'.....good humor is a must!...but have you also noticed that the really grabby onry (sp?) ones seem to live on and on and on?

 

[LaMedicine]

Hmmm. Now that I am well into my 50s. And being a doctor...

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them."

I would prefer that my patients care about their weight somewhat, if not other numbers, because it relates to

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

Healthy eating/drinking, healthy life style is your responsibilty.
Granted, we will do everything in our power to help you, BUT, please do not hold us doctors accountable for illnesses that result from your unhealthy lifestyle and the resulting unpleasantness, that can be prevented with just a little care...That little care translates into many many years of active happy life, and is much more effective than all the medicine in the world.

 

[Sefton]

That's brilliant! Thanks for posting...Carlin's great with that type of humor. It reminds me of when I was a kid and wanted to look older like my movie/TV heroes. I used to squeeze lines with into my face to make wrinkles. Tried to get a dimple like Kirk Douglas! Now I'm wishing that I could smooth out those lines...

 

[spiridon]

I always enjoy reading that, especially his ending summation.

 

[BillTyre]

Larry Miller

I've seen Larry Miller do that exact same bit, sans the 10 ways to stay young. He did "the five stages of drinking" instead. Either way, I guess this bit is a standard in the best sense.

 

[Pilgrim]

Summary in TWO steps:

1) Don't sweat the small "stuff".

2) It's ALL small "stuff".

:cheers1:

 

[mysterygal]

well I don't know if I'd say it's allsmall stuff, but, remembering to go about things one step at a time and that there's always tomorrow..makes things easier......otherwise seize the day!

 

[John in Covina]

It's funny because it's true!

Thanks for sharing!

 

[K.D. Lightner]

I don't know who first said it, but my mother told me years ago, "Don't take life too seriously -- you won't get out of it alive, anyway."

karol