The Death of Chivalry?

[VintageJess]

Yesterday, I took my toddler son out for a little lunchtime treat at the local Mickey D's (probably my first mistake.) I was walking to our little table in the kids play area--all the while trying to balance my wriggling son on my hip, my purse, and my flimsy tray with food and a drink--when I lost control of the tray, spilling my large tea all over myself, my son and the floor.

A couple of tables over, a group of five men proceeded to stare and laugh. One of them even went so far as to shout, "I saw that disaster coming!" Now, I don't take myself too seriously and I'm sure it looked funny, but could you at least come and offer to help while you are yucking it up at my expense. I mean, if you saw that it looked like a bad situation perhaps at least one of you might have offered a lady some help. These were not all young teenagers either, some looked to be middle aged.

So, my question: Is the act of being a gentleman and offering assistance to a lady just truly lost forever? Is this the result of feminism, or maybe a fearful PC society where ladies must be on guard against approaching strange men?

Come to think of it, perhaps I mislabeled this thread. I guess it should be "The Death of Courtesy" as I know that it is not so much about gentlemen assisting ladies, as it is just simply being courteous to others. I know if I would have seen a man or a woman struggling with a tray and a child I would have offered him or her my help.

If there is a line for a public restroom, I always offer for the elderly, people with small children, or pregnant ladies to proceed ahead of me in line. I will do the same thing with offering a spot to sit in church or on a bus. My husband always stops to hold doors or escort people across the street if it seems they need assistance. Yet, I notice the great decline of others in the population doing the same thing.

Are we in that much of a hurry that it is unthinkable for us to take 30 seconds out of our day to let someone ahead of us in line or in traffic? Could it also be that in this era of reality television that watching someone else struggle is simply viewed as personal entertainment, with no thought to try to help remedy the situation?

Thanks for the vent and helping me understand. I just try to do my part...I took that as a "teachable moment" and gave my little son a lecture: "Proper gentlemen like you son, should always rush to help a someone who has her hands full or spills something."

Jessica

 

[Andykev]

It is a sickness

The Surgeon General has announced : BAD MANNERS ARE HIGHLY CONTAGEOUS. An epidemic has spread across the continent.


Jerks. Wonder if it was their wife/mother/girlfriend. No, wait, jerks like that usually don't have one.

 

[Lincsong]

Unbelieveable. I could see that in other parts of the country but I thought the South still had some manners.:eusa_doh:

 

[Miss_Bella_Hell]

I think "Mind Your Own Business" has gained favor over "Help Out a Stranger" these days.[huh]

 

[Marc Chevalier]

I thought the South still had some manners.

Not at that McDonalds, it doesn't.

.

 

[Marc Chevalier]

Chivalry ain't dead in some other parts of the globe.

I like the fact that in Chile, people really do give up their bus and subway seats for older folks, the handicapped, pregnant women, older women in high heels, women carrying bags, and women carrying small children. Men always hold the door open for women, and even teenagers there wouldn't have hesitated to help VintageJess in her predicament. Chile, a "developing country", could teach our people a thing or two about "courtesy development".


.

 

[mysterygal]

VintageJess, Sorry you had to go through that! With having gone through that toddler stage myself, I know how hard it is!
around here, I think people are ok on being courteous. When helping someone out, it's amusing the look of shock on their faces...actually it's sad that it's so unexpected.

 

[BellyTank]

Jerks like that probably DO have a wife/mother/girlfriend AndyKev;
the 3-in-1 model, maybe even inflatable.

I have to be rude here and call those guys A-holes;
A for Arrogant, holes for heads.

I apologise to you on behalf of all Men, VintageJess.

B
T

 

[Paisley]

I had a different sort of experience last weekend. I was about to walk into a store when a man walked through the double-door; his wife followed behind him. I stood aside to let them pass. As he was walking through the doors, he said to me, "You're welcome." His wife said, "You're welcome." [huh] I guess they expected to be thanked for opening their own doors.

 

[Viola]

That's so yucky, Jess. I could see not offering to take the try before something happened (I myself am rarely paying that much attention to other people in Mickey D's) but to not even try to help you afterwards?

Anyone, male or female, should have at least come over with some napkins and sympathy.

 

[Marc Chevalier]

Whenever I hold the door open for a total stranger and he/she doesn't give one gesture of thanks, I want to say "You're welcome." I have to remind myself that I'm not so much holding the door open for them, as I'm doing it for my own sense of worth. If I'm doing it in order to receive recognition from some stranger, then I'm doing so for the wrong reason.

.

 

[mikepara]

So, my question: Is the act of being a gentleman and offering assistance to a lady just truly lost forever? Is this the result of feminism, or maybe a fearful PC society where ladies must be on guard against approaching strange men?Jessica

It's all down to manners, decency and common sense.

Maybe Another time, different people [US LOT!] you would have been helped. Sadly you may be right.

However I saw a women trying to carry a bag, toddler, Push chair and a really small baby upstairs at Edinburgh Waverley Station and I offered my help only to be told to "F-Off you perv" I'm glad I asked as usually I would have just barged in and said "Here let me give you a hand' I think she would have attacked me!
Instead I just give her a look of disbelief and asked her if she kissed her Mom with that mouth.

Maybe she was that used to being ignored that she thought I had a hidden dark agenda. Or maybe she was just a cow!

 

[Rosie]

Oh Jess, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm glad you and baby didn't injure yourselves. People can be so disgusting.

 

[Paisley]

I took that as a "teachable moment" and gave my little son a lecture: "Proper gentlemen like you son, should always rush to help a someone who has her hands full or spills something."

Jessica

I hope you said that loud enough for it to be a teaching moment for the five stooges as well.

I think that incidents like this are a reason that people have fewer friends nowadays. Every time it happens, we're a little more inclined to stay home and bolt the door or just mind our own business if we go out.

 

[Paisley]

I'd like to offer what I hope is an inspiring story. The partner-in-charge where I work was at an amusement park, holding his baby nephew. He slipped on an incline and started to fall on the side where he was carrying the baby, but made himself land in such a way as to avoid hurting him. The baby was all right, but the partner's arm got badly broken in the fall. I know he doesn't regret the way it happened. Chivalry is alive and well where I work.

 

[VintageJess]

I'd like to offer what I hope is an inspiring story. The partner-in-charge where I work was at an amusement park, holding his baby nephew. He slipped on an incline and started to fall on the side where he was carrying the baby, but made himself land in such a way as to avoid hurting him. The baby was all right, but the partner's arm got badly broken in the fall. I know he doesn't regret the way it happened. Chivalry is alive and well where I work.

Yay! Glad to hear it--that is incredibly inspiring. I'm sure he didn't even take a split second to make that judgment. Hope the arm gets better for him!

 

[scotrace]

Those cheeseheads missed the chance to meet an interesting and beautiful woman. Being jerks meant they missed out!

 

[Lincsong]

Chivalry ain't dead in some other parts of the globe.

I like the fact that in Chile, people really do give up their bus and subway seats for older folks, the handicapped, pregnant women, older women in high heels, women carrying bags, and women carrying small children. Men always hold the door open for women, and even teenagers there wouldn't have hesitated to help VintageJess in her predicament. Chile, a "developing country", could teach our people a thing or two about "courtesy development".


.

When I used to ride the bus in college, I'd give up my seat for women. I won't tell you what the older women used to do on that bus.

 

[Lady Day]

Im sorry, that sucks. The thing about being polite to people is we were all taught that strangers are evil, I mean try and spark a conversation with a stranger while standing in line and they think you want something from them or that you are a freak.

When I pass in front of someone I still say 'exscuse' me, and I generally get that 'um hum' reply, which is fine. I think the act of being polite ends with the person you are polite to acknowledging it. And most people today dont do that.

Karma is a female dog, and those guys, if they already havent, will get it coming back to them.


LD

 

[VintageJess]

Those cheeseheads missed the chance to meet an interesting and beautiful woman. Being jerks meant they missed out!

Thank you kindly sir.
It is comforting to know that for every jerk out there, there are men out there like you and the other fine gentlemen here at the Lounge.

Jessica