Maternal Dissaproval

Benny Holiday · Dec 17, 2013

Here's a fun photo of a young Benny Holiday for you (on the right) complete with wild Gene Vincent-style Rockabilly hair:

So my Mum really dug the style, being a rocker herself back in the 50s, but my Dad . . . not so much. He was older than Mum and was a young feller in the War Years, and he didn't go much on the crazy hair and cat clothes look himself. There was a bit of friction, but, you know what? There was supposed to be! I was a teenager, for cryin' out loud! I was supposed to be rebellious! (Although I wasn't a rude kid, just very individual). We actually had a very close relationship, it was just my personal style that bugged Dad for a few years, but by the time I was out of my teenage years, he'd gotten used to it.

The irony is that I got heavily into 40s jump blues and swing just after my dad passed away when I was 25 - he'd have gone nuts for the suits I bought then!

Anyway, the moral of the story is, just be yourself, man. You're young, be wild and crazy, wear whatever you like. Enjoy your youth with youthful abandon. It's all over too soon, daddy-o.

Rick Blaine · Dec 17, 2013

Ligate the umbilical! The above is true, young once- gone all to soon. Bollocks!

Horace Debussy Jones · Dec 17, 2013

I was wearing ball caps LONG before anyone else.

Chascomm · Dec 17, 2013

Lots of advice given already. I haven't read it all, but it's up to you to decide which to pay heed to. Not much I can add given that it seems like there's probably a whole lot of stuff for you and your mother to work through somehow. So I'll simply say you have my sympathy.

F. J. · Dec 17, 2013

A Few Thoughts . . .

Picard1138 said:
Nevertheless, parents will be parents, and remind her that at least you didn't get anything pierced or tattooed on your body, it's just a hat! If she thinks you're making some sort of "mistake," remind her that these are YOUR MISTAKES TO MAKE. What did SHE wear when she was 19?

Echoing Fastuni's recommendation, a great gray felt hat with black grosgrain ribbon is an extremely versatile hat. I wear a gray Stetson Chatham almost every day, it goes with everything. I would also suggest, in Miami you can wear a straw fedora almost all year long. It will protect your head and face from the sun, and keep a lot cooler than a black fur felt. If you want I can source you either for a good price.

In any case, you only live once, wearing a Fedora is certainly not "not normal." 50 years ago a man wouldn't be caught dead outdoors without a hat on. Tell your mom to put that in her pipe and smoke it.

Interesting; I too wear a grey Stetson Chatham daily and echo the remark about its going with everything. Grey is much more versatile than black.

Also, I remember reading somewhere on the Lounge about a retort to negative comments directed at hat wearers. The response to the remarks was along the lines of "It's a hat, and I can always take it off, but you'll always be an idiot." I am certainly not suggesting one call his mother an idiot, but you get the idea, especially if you reword the last part. I would still advise that caution be exercised in its use.

Finally, modern society has no concept of proper dressing. It is commonly accepted that a backwards ballcap is appropriate for everything, despite serving no legitimate purpose other than to make the wearer look ridiculous. (Worn correctly, it can somewhat shield the eyes from the sun, but it still looks funny, especially when not playing baseball.) However, a fedora serves a practical purpose to protect the wearer from sun and rain. I know from experience that a good felt hat is much better to be wearing in the rain than a ballcap or being bareheaded. Because of this, as well as the social mores of the time, as noted by Picard1138, "50 years ago a man wouldn't be caught dead outdoors without a hat on." (Although I would amend this to seventy (or seventy-five) years ago, because in 1963, hats were on the way out, but in 1943 (or 1938), a man most certainly "wouldn't be caught dead outdoors without a hat on".)

hatophile · Dec 17, 2013

Ya know, if you're in Miami, fedoras go great with Hawaiian shirts--- Dig the thread on it!

Mulceber · Dec 17, 2013

thecollegeguy123 said:
My mother has always been a very conservative woman. From pictures I have seen of her when she was my age, she looked like a typical person in the 1980s. Stories from her siblings, my grandmother, and old friends of the family have all described her as very set in her ways and not a free spirit.

I must say, your mother is beyond my comprehension then. She seems to want everyone to be normal. I wouldn't inflict normalcy on my worst enemy.

Picard1138 · Dec 17, 2013

hatophile said:
Ya know, if you're in Miami, fedoras go great with Hawaiian shirts--- Dig the thread on it!

He's right, I do it frequently, but again I say; Straw. Find a nice straw fedora, pork pie, or trilby for Miami (Watch Dexter for some inspiration on Hawaiian shirts

) .

-Max

babygirl... · Dec 17, 2013

just last week I had a neighbor as well as my family members call me out about my hat/cap wearing.."what's up with those stupid hats you wear anyway"? I simply responded with " it's called fashion but you wouldn't know anything about it because your to busy worrying about the things you can't change then something you could..I get really upset if I feel my dignity is being attacked and I am gonna flip out on the next person that says anything negative to me.. life is too short and time goes too fast!! lol!

TheDane · Dec 17, 2013

Not to confirm her bad impression of hat-wearers, I would have chosen a more pragmatic approach. I would find an educational approach more appropriate, if the goal was to change her prejudices in a positive way. By escalating the nasty tone, you just confirm any aversions she may have toward hats and their wearers. Your answer to her question was quite counterproductive, seen from under my hat.

Tomasso · Dec 17, 2013

alanfgag said:
Personally, I would savor the opportunity to battle with my mom again.

Me too!

Though we rarely battled on the sartorial front and she loved a well chosen fedora (and had a good eye for shape and color). In fact, if she saw me wearing a felt in the summer (wouldn't happen of course

) she would make mention of it and not in a positive way.

cchgn · Dec 17, 2013

I just can't believe that at this time, at Christmas, that anyone would suggest that the young man defy his mother or be rude to her in any way.

At the very least, wait until afte the new year and make ia a New Year's resolution to defy her( and look for other financial means thru college).

Historyteach24 · Dec 17, 2013

CCHGN, she needs to be told she is being ridiculous

TheDane · Dec 17, 2013

Historyteach24 said:
CCHGN, she needs to be told she is being ridiculous

Sure, but there are many ways to do so

I don't see anyone ask the question: "How old is your mother?". Could it be, she was undergoing severe changes too? Could the father's reaction be parsed as: "Yeah I know, Son. Mom is going through a hard periode at the moment. Be easy on her, please."? A teen can be a stick of potent explosives - combined with a mother in her menopause, you'll have a stick of potent explosives ... now armed and highly unstable!

After all, "this court" is judging on the basis of a partisian view. We miss a whole lot of informations to give sound advice, based on reality. Fortunately, the young man seems very mature, and one can only hope, he filters the many advice thoroughly before going to war

HudsonHawk · Dec 17, 2013

cchgn said:
I just can't believe that at this time, at Christmas, that anyone would suggest that the young man defy his mother or be rude to her in any way.

At the very least, wait until afte the new year and make ia a New Year's resolution to defy her( and look for other financial means thru college).

What on earth does Christmas have to do with anything? And no one is suggesting he be rude in any way. We're suggesting he tell her he's going to wear the hat and be done with it.

TheDane · Dec 17, 2013

HudsonHawk said:
And no one is suggesting he be rude in any way.

Well, you could have fooled me! I guess, I must have misunderstood quite a bit, then [huh]

Historyteach24 · Dec 17, 2013

This conversation is becoming ludicrous! We are looking for deep intellectual meanings and menopausal reasons for the woman being a bitty. Lets just call a spade a spade. Kid you mom is a stuck up busy body that needs to cut the apron strings, and you need to assert your manhood

Picard1138 · Dec 17, 2013

...I kind of insinuated he could be rude. After all, she's being rude (and harmful) by not allowing this guy to make his own personal choices, seemingly his whole life.

-Max

Historyteach24 · Dec 17, 2013

Picard, +1

thecollegeguy123 · Dec 17, 2013

TheDane said:
Sure, but there are many ways to do so

I don't see anyone ask the question: "How old is your mother?". Could it be, she was undergoing severe changes too? Could the father's reaction be parsed as: "Yeah I know, Son. Mom is going through a hard periode at the moment. Be easy on her, please."? A teen can be a stick of potent explosives - combined with a mother in her menopause, you'll have a stick of potent explosives ... now armed and highly unstable!

After all, "this court" is judging on the basis of a partisian view. We miss a whole lot of informations to give sound advice, based on reality. Fortunately, the young man seems very mature, and one can only hope, he filters the many advice thoroughly before going to war

My mother is 45 years old. I have been alive for the past 19 of those years. Her behavior is the same as I remember when I was a small child. She does not seem to change with age.

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