Elaina
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My husband found this (!) and sent it to me. Was going around the men at work apparently. Thought I'd share it along. The emphasis isn't mine (or my husband's if he wants to eat again.)
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A real goodhousekeeping article from 1955
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CherryRed
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Had to have been written by a man.lol
Nashoba
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Yeah, one of my grandmothers (I have 3 of them) sent this to me. then my husband tried to say see....they knew back then you should take some of the advice. I told him if he expects that kind of thing out of me then he can stay in Iraq. What's scary is that my grandmother does alot of this stuff. When she first got married her mother told her that the key to a happy marraige was to get up with her husband and make him breakfast every day. She still does that. The kicker is that he gets up at 0430 every morning and SO DOES SHE....and the woman actually still makes his breakfast. My hats off to her. I lasted 2 days when I tried it. Except now we teach an early morning bible study class to high school students that starts at 0600 so I have to get up. But I don't make his breakfast. He's a big boy now. He can feed himself!
Nash
What's scary is that my grandmother does alot of this stuff. When she first got married her mother told her that the key to a happy marraige was to get up with her husband and make him breakfast every day. She still does that. The kicker is that he gets up at 0430 every morning and SO DOES SHE....and the woman actually still makes his breakfast. My hats off to her. I lasted 2 days when I tried it. Except now we teach an early morning bible study class to high school students that starts at 0600 so I have to get up. But I don't make his breakfast. He's a big boy now. He can feed himself!Nash
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I think what is so dumbfounding is that all of the comments are one sided. If they are equal to both partners, then its fine. I guess thats my equality meter talking.
So what mds for a good husband back then?
LD
So what mds for a good husband back then?
LD
Elaina
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Okay, this is a running joke in my family, but.
But the fact is I don't work, I bring no income in (unless I feel like it, then it's mine to spend) and otherwise what do I have to do?
I don't make him breakfast in the morning because he won't eat it. We have one car, so I have to be up, but I do make sure he has things like banana bread and muffins. I follow some of the things, yes. Some there's not a snowball's chance (I am NOT taking his shoes off and Lord help him if he thinks he can stay out all night.)
What do I get out of it?
Not having to work, not having to do anything more stressful then picking up the house, time to shop shop shop and time to be home for my son. Time to have to go to school, time to sew my little heart out. I let his greek masculine pride not get hurt and I get my way 99.9% of the time while he thinks it's all his idea.
Not bad for about 2 hours of "work" every day huh?
But the fact is I don't work, I bring no income in (unless I feel like it, then it's mine to spend) and otherwise what do I have to do?
I don't make him breakfast in the morning because he won't eat it. We have one car, so I have to be up, but I do make sure he has things like banana bread and muffins. I follow some of the things, yes. Some there's not a snowball's chance (I am NOT taking his shoes off and Lord help him if he thinks he can stay out all night.)
What do I get out of it?
Not having to work, not having to do anything more stressful then picking up the house, time to shop shop shop and time to be home for my son. Time to have to go to school, time to sew my little heart out. I let his greek masculine pride not get hurt and I get my way 99.9% of the time while he thinks it's all his idea.
Not bad for about 2 hours of "work" every day huh?
carebear
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Lady Day said:
A friend of mine has a joking quote he uses for this kind of question.
If Little Johnny can't read, that's Mommy's fault. If there's no electricity, so Johnny can't see to read. That's Daddy's fault.
Remember, back in the day one of the requirements to being called a "good husband and father" was first and foremost to be a good provider. It wasn't the man who had a cocktail and read the paper when he got home from work who was the bad partner, it was the man who couldn't keep the family in food, clothing and shelter. Love was demonstrated by acts of service, not necessarily "romanticism".
This article reflects that. He did his part by working at the job all day, he should be taken care of for that.
What's changed is the realization that she's been working just as hard at home and deserves a little TLC as well.
Tourbillion
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I know plenty of guys who still want this. However, to be fair, here is one answer I found to this, the "Good Husband's Guide"
http://www.families.com/cocotbo/journal/the-good-husbands-guide-2006,51
http://www.families.com/cocotbo/journal/the-good-husbands-guide-2006,51
Elaina
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Yes exactly. While the article is very one sides, there is the other side of it, I'm just not that good to say it that way.
Elaina
Elaina
carebear
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Bravo!.
Oh, I apologize for posting in this thread. I was using the "new post" function and didn't notice this thread was in the henhouse.
<scrambles for door>
Oh, I apologize for posting in this thread. I was using the "new post" function and didn't notice this thread was in the henhouse.
<scrambles for door>
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carebear said:
Chris Rock said that in his stand up show "Bigger and Blacker"
We all know the provider was the thing for hubby back then, I guess what Im asking is was there any 'emotional' support for the wife FROM hubby back then. It seems to be all emotional support TO the husband, not vice ersa.
LD
Elaina
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I'm sure there was. My uncle Casey stood by my Aunt when she went through AA, going every night and doing all he could to keep her sober, and it worked: she died with 37 years of sobriety, and attributed that to my Uncle.
My grandfather spent alot of time with my Mom and her siblings. After having a kid, that's support if I ever saw any (not to mention being a good parent.) He's been dead since 57 and my mother still misses him. I'm sure if there wasn't all that time, she would have been less emotional about it.
I've got other books and stuff, and while it seems really one sided, you ask these people that have been married since then they still love each other very much.
Elaina
My grandfather spent alot of time with my Mom and her siblings. After having a kid, that's support if I ever saw any (not to mention being a good parent.) He's been dead since 57 and my mother still misses him. I'm sure if there wasn't all that time, she would have been less emotional about it.
I've got other books and stuff, and while it seems really one sided, you ask these people that have been married since then they still love each other very much.
Elaina
carebear
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Thanks Lady Day, I knew it sounded too clever to be original.
I liked the book on "Love Languages". The key isn't just to get your emotional needs met in the way you unconsciously appreciate, it's also for you to be willing to make the effort to consciously appreciate the way your partner unconsciously shows their emotional support to you.
They may never be a poet and it may be poetry that stirs your soul, so you need to see the poetry in the little chores they do for you every day, because that's what comes naturally to them. That's how you get your support, by translation.
Of course the "quid" should be "pro quo'd".
I liked the book on "Love Languages". The key isn't just to get your emotional needs met in the way you unconsciously appreciate, it's also for you to be willing to make the effort to consciously appreciate the way your partner unconsciously shows their emotional support to you.
They may never be a poet and it may be poetry that stirs your soul, so you need to see the poetry in the little chores they do for you every day, because that's what comes naturally to them. That's how you get your support, by translation.
Of course the "quid" should be "pro quo'd".
Rosie
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Other than the not questioning him on staying out all night and the "you have no right to question him" part, I don't really see anything wrong with this. If I find a GOOD man (the operative word here) and he is providing a good home and comfort for us and our family I would happily be this woman. The hard part is finding a man these days who not only knows his duty as a man (If there's no electricity, so Johnny can't see to read. That's Daddy's fault.) and who isn't a total chauvanist about it.
and the "you have no right to question him" part, I don't really see anything wrong with this. If I find a GOOD man (the operative word here) and he is providing a good home and comfort for us and our family I would happily be this woman. The hard part is finding a man these days who not only knows his duty as a man (If there's no electricity, so Johnny can't see to read. That's Daddy's fault.) and who isn't a total chauvanist about it.
Fleur De Guerre
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I've seen this before, and found it has been examined on Snopes as being a probably fake: click me
The actual article pictured above is definitely a fake. But as it says in the Snopes article, there have been real examples of this kind of "advice" found. I'm very glad that times have changed
The actual article pictured above is definitely a fake. But as it says in the Snopes article, there have been real examples of this kind of "advice" found. I'm very glad that times have changed
LizzieMaine
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Even in the '50s themselves this kind of thinking wasn't presented as the only option. I'm looking right now at "Experiences In Homemaking," by Helen Laitem and Frances Miller -- an actual high school home-ec textbook published by Ginn and Company in 1954, in a revision from an original edition published in 1941. Chapter Two of this book, "Living With Your Family", describes the "patriarchal family" as an increasingly out of date pattern --
"The father was the head of the household. His word was law and he exercised a strong control over all the members of the family, even over the grown sons and daughters until they married and made homes of their own. The father administered the family finances, was the final authority in the discipline of the children, and made all the important decisions. The mother assumed the work of the and the rearing of the children and her authority was restricted to the family circle and was subject to approval by the man of the house. Under the law she was considered a minor. Women were protected and respected, but they had no voice in the government and little more in their own homes."
The chapter then goes on to cite examples from historical writings of how this sort of arrangement played out, criticizing many of the resulting actions by "patriarchal fathers" as "high-handed" and "obviously unwise." And then, the authors turn to the increasingly-popular notion of the "democratic family."
"Today many families follow a more democratic way of living. The home is considered a co-operative enterprise in which each parent has equal authority. The children are encouraged to make such decisions as their experience has prepared them to make wisely. Thoughtful parents today realize that freedom is the essence of democracyand they deliberately prepare their children to become wholesome influences in their community and nation....Life in a democratic home in which training in reaching wise decisions is carried on is the best preparation for living in a democratic society."
Later in the same chapter, a detailed description is given of the "family council" arrangement favored in many families, in which decisions are made by consensus. At the same time though, the authors do acknowledge that relations between the sexes in a family setting do require a certain level of mutual accomodation for innate differences --
"Remember that the most happily married women and those who attract the most admiration fromm men have learned to appreciate men and boys as they are, not as they might like them to be. Girls and women who enjoy men know that men can add a funnier turn to the conversation, can bring first-hand reports of adventures from which women are barred, and best of all can express a masculine point of view. That point of view is not necessarily better or worse than a feminine one, but is sufficiently different to have been of interest to women from the beginning of time. Just as a man who never hears the typical feminine reaction to a situation misses much, so a girl who never gets the masculine point of view misses half the fun of living."
Notice the emphasis here is on cameraderie between the sexes, even while recognizing their innate differences, and not any kind of top-down domination by men over women. So in this 1950s home economics text, girls were being taught a point of view much different from what many people today stereotype as the typical perspective of the era. Certainly the old perspectives did exist -- but even then they were clearly on the way out.
"The father was the head of the household. His word was law and he exercised a strong control over all the members of the family, even over the grown sons and daughters until they married and made homes of their own. The father administered the family finances, was the final authority in the discipline of the children, and made all the important decisions. The mother assumed the work of the and the rearing of the children and her authority was restricted to the family circle and was subject to approval by the man of the house. Under the law she was considered a minor. Women were protected and respected, but they had no voice in the government and little more in their own homes."
The chapter then goes on to cite examples from historical writings of how this sort of arrangement played out, criticizing many of the resulting actions by "patriarchal fathers" as "high-handed" and "obviously unwise." And then, the authors turn to the increasingly-popular notion of the "democratic family."
"Today many families follow a more democratic way of living. The home is considered a co-operative enterprise in which each parent has equal authority. The children are encouraged to make such decisions as their experience has prepared them to make wisely. Thoughtful parents today realize that freedom is the essence of democracyand they deliberately prepare their children to become wholesome influences in their community and nation....Life in a democratic home in which training in reaching wise decisions is carried on is the best preparation for living in a democratic society."
Later in the same chapter, a detailed description is given of the "family council" arrangement favored in many families, in which decisions are made by consensus. At the same time though, the authors do acknowledge that relations between the sexes in a family setting do require a certain level of mutual accomodation for innate differences --
"Remember that the most happily married women and those who attract the most admiration fromm men have learned to appreciate men and boys as they are, not as they might like them to be. Girls and women who enjoy men know that men can add a funnier turn to the conversation, can bring first-hand reports of adventures from which women are barred, and best of all can express a masculine point of view. That point of view is not necessarily better or worse than a feminine one, but is sufficiently different to have been of interest to women from the beginning of time. Just as a man who never hears the typical feminine reaction to a situation misses much, so a girl who never gets the masculine point of view misses half the fun of living."
Notice the emphasis here is on cameraderie between the sexes, even while recognizing their innate differences, and not any kind of top-down domination by men over women. So in this 1950s home economics text, girls were being taught a point of view much different from what many people today stereotype as the typical perspective of the era. Certainly the old perspectives did exist -- but even then they were clearly on the way out.
BegintheBeguine
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They can definitely add a funnier turn to the conversation. That is a sweet chapter in that textbook, thanks for posting it.
That is a sweet chapter in that textbook, thanks for posting it.
Nashoba
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I agree. My husband does a very good job at being supportive. We joke about my wifely duties but for the most part he's a great support. For all my ranting and raving though my husband really is the head of our household, I'm just the operational management. I wish he could do a little more with the actual running of the household, but I have to be able to pick everything up (bills, house, everything) at a moment's notice when he gets orders. We learned a long time ago that it was better for me to handle finances because he can't do it from a combat zone. At least not effectively. It's almost easier if I run everything so that when he leaves again (as he's about to do) I don't have to be brought up to speed and taught how to do everything. The one thing he does do that I'm not looking forward to is the taxes for my business. He's always managed to be home and to do them for me, but now I have to learn how to do the stupid form cause he'll be gone. Hopefully he'll be able to do the federal income taxes before he leaves or he'll be doing them from Iraq...I just do NOT want to tackle that! But like Elaina he works very hard so that I can be home and he's done that from the beginning.
Nash
Nash
Elaina
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I do all the finances here, as well.
Because there's less money when only one works, he leaves it all to me because I have a better knack at being cheap. He wants me to go out and be able to shop, and he can't seem to ever be able to have enough money left over to give to me to do that. So it makes him feel better to say "you spent how much for all these groceries?!" and I sneak in fabric or shoes and he pretends not to notice them (because let's be honest, how can you NOT notice this fuchsia, aqua, black, yellow tweed that appears admist the grey, blue and sea foam green fabric on the table? Or the fact I haven't worn the same pair of shoes in a week?)
I do the taxes, but I'm smarter then he is. lol
There's also a bit of a cultural difference between my husband and I. Sometimes, it is all about appearances.
Elaina
Because there's less money when only one works, he leaves it all to me because I have a better knack at being cheap. He wants me to go out and be able to shop, and he can't seem to ever be able to have enough money left over to give to me to do that. So it makes him feel better to say "you spent how much for all these groceries?!" and I sneak in fabric or shoes and he pretends not to notice them (because let's be honest, how can you NOT notice this fuchsia, aqua, black, yellow tweed that appears admist the grey, blue and sea foam green fabric on the table? Or the fact I haven't worn the same pair of shoes in a week?)
I do the taxes, but I'm smarter then he is. lol
There's also a bit of a cultural difference between my husband and I. Sometimes, it is all about appearances.
Elaina
Nashoba
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Elaina said:
LOL. Since we don't live as close to the base as we used to I've gotten very good at shopping the sales with the coupons. I've saved us a ton of money (man do I miss the commissary!). My husband pokes fun at me for this and likes to ask me How much money did you save me today dear? But at the same time he'll encourage me to spend whatever I need to in order to feel good about myself. I spent WAY too much on my hair a couple of times and all he said was it's beautiful and if it makes you feel beautiful then it was worth the money. Sigh. I love that man
Nash
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