Clean Jokes

Discussion in 'The Observation Bar' started by jamespowers, Aug 4, 2004.

  1. drmaxtejeda

    drmaxtejeda I'll Lock Up

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    I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

    I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

    When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

    Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

    America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

    You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.

    My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that

    I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

    Money talks ... but all mine ever says is good-bye.

    You're not fat, you're just easier to see.

    If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

    I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"

    I can’t understand why women are OK that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."

    Denny’s has a slogan, "If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us." If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!

    The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

    I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

    The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

    Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

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  2. Seb Lucas

    Seb Lucas I'll Lock Up

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    How did Fonzie die? He said 'Hey' and a horse ate him.
     
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  3. 2jakes

    2jakes I'll Lock Up

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    Vive la différence! :D
     
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  5. 2jakes

    2jakes I'll Lock Up

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  6. Frunobulax

    Frunobulax

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  7. 2jakes

    2jakes I'll Lock Up

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  8. 2jakes

    2jakes I'll Lock Up

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  9. drmaxtejeda

    drmaxtejeda I'll Lock Up

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  10. drmaxtejeda

    drmaxtejeda I'll Lock Up

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    Voltaire’s last words.

    Voltaire, one of the greatest European thinkers of all time, was attended by a priest on his death bed. The priest asked him to renounce the Devil. Voltaire responded by saying: “This is no time to be making enemies.”

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  13. Zombie_61

    Zombie_61 I'll Lock Up

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  14. ^^^Good one Z! Following up the fly with a spider:

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  15. KY Gentleman

    KY Gentleman One Too Many

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    [​IMG]


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  17. Trenchfriend

    Trenchfriend I'll Lock Up

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    Most important sentence of Germans in Italy:

    "Quanto costa?"

    ;););)
     
  18. GHT

    GHT I'll Lock Up

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    Somebody else who thinks that quiche is pronounced quickie, I presume.
     

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