question on manners and compliments

[Paisley]

This is true, though it's not always a bad thing to be a little bumbling in your demeanor. [huh]

I'm thinking of Jimmy Stewart: wordly and ivy-league educated, but never slick. He was disarming.

On the other hand, getting sincere praise from someone who is diplomatic and charming is a treat. Even when you recognize that that's just their way, it still feels good. It's completely different from getting sweet talked by someone who is overconfident and on the make.

Again, the praise should be sincere. Not only can people usually tell insincere praise and the person's reasons for giving it, but they pass on these observations to their friends.

 

[Grnidwitch]

(sigh) Thank you.

 

[Spitfire]

We all like compliments. Right?
So why don't we just say, what we feel. When we feel somebody is dressing nicely, or stylish or - even - sexy.
I may be stepping on some toes here, but I also compliment a woman if she is dressed in some "sexy"/sweet way. With style, naturellement!
(I have been heard saying: "Those stockings really do something - to your whole dress too!")
Can't help it. But then again, if a woman does not want men to look, why and for whom does she dress like that? (Another story - another post)

We shall not be so afraid. I have far too many times in my life, passed the opportunity to compliment my fellowman. And I have always thought afterwards - when it was too late - Hey, what was there to miss? He or she might have misunderstood the whole thing - and so what?
On the other hand, it could just have made the day for that person. So why not?

 

[K.D. Lightner]

When I worked in the County of San Diego, we had to attend sexual harrassment classes. A big problem with it, I soon discerned, was that, when it comes to sexual harrassment, it is the perception, not the intent. At least until they send someone from Internal Affairs to investigate.

It made the guys very nervous around their female coworkers. Until they got to know them a bit better.

If I were a fellow who wanted to compliment a woman on how she is dressed, first of all, I would want to know a bit about the woman -- is she hypersensitive? Is she friendly or withdrawn? How does she act around men?

Then, I would follow the advice from several people on this site: complement the clothes, not the person.

karol

 

[gpwpat]

When I worked in the County of San Diego, we had to attend sexual harrassment classes. A big problem with it, I soon discerned, was that, when it comes to sexual harrassment, it is the perception, not the intent. At least until they send someone from Internal Affairs to investigate.

It made the guys very nervous around their female coworkers. Until they got to know them a bit better.

If I were a fellow who wanted to compliment a woman on how she is dressed, first of all, I would want to know a bit about the woman -- is she hypersensitive? Is she friendly or withdrawn? How does she act around men?

Then, I would follow the advice from several people on this site: complement the clothes, not the person.

karol

This is where it comes from I am sure. I have been to 1 to many PC and sexualy harrasment classes. I am sick of it and tend to rebell. However I do not wish to give off bad first impressions. and feel that good manners and politness will pervail.

 

[Feraud]

If a person is the least worried about a comment being construed as harassement then do not give it!
Is complimenting a woman so necessary?

 

[carebear]

This is where it comes from I am sure. I have been to 1 to many PC and sexualy harrasment classes. I am sick of it and tend to rebell. However I do not wish to give off bad first impressions. and feel that good manners and politness will pervail.

Paging Dr. Freud, paging Dr. Freud...

 

[Classydame]

This may be a little off topic...but with all of this political correctness going on doesn't if feel if maybe we aren't genuine anymore? I mean because we have to watch what we say and do we are always guarding and censoring ourselves. And that makes us seem unreal. I don't know I just feel that way sometimes.

If you think about giving a compliment to a lady then do it...don't analyze too much because you want the real you be behind that compliment. If she can't handle what you say then that is on her, all you can do is be you. You know where you are coming from and that's the important part!

 

[Spitfire]

Classydame you are so right:eusa_clap :eusa_clap :eusa_clap

 

[jitterbugdoll]

Classydame you are so right

And how.

 

[Paisley]

I can't help thinking of the casual acquaintance who told me he loved me...or the guy who gushed about what a wonderful dancer I was (while he couldn't stop giggling)...I'm sure they were completely sincere.

 

[Miss Neecerie]

On the other hand......if the original poster felt unsure and wanting to check how things might be taken...

What better place then here, to get answers and opinions.....in -how- to best express his sincere wish to compliment the ladies on their mode of dress.

 

[scotrace]

Well, gpwpat - we want to know. Have you seen them again and how did it go???

 

[gpwpat]

Nope

I run into her once a week or so. so next time I will tell her that I like her style and leave it at that. It is a game of chance you see. same building 6 floors and a thousand people. I have seen her only a few times. I just wanted to tell her she looked classy but don't want to give the wrong impression. The other lady works in my company on the same floor. but even then I have only seen her a few times as well. In a sea of Cubes we don't get out much. Even then Buisness Groups don't mingle much with other buisness groups even in the same company.

If a conversation strikes up. I will tell them of the Fedora Lounge as I think they would fit in here. That is if they are into to I net forums.

Out

Pat