Is it 2008 or 1958?? - Retro marriage, 21st century-style

desi_de_lu_lu · Aug 14, 2008

LondonLuke said:
Surely if enough women stayed at home, it would all be possible to live off one income again? Fewer workers, more demand=higher wages

At the sake of getting stones thrown at me by the feminists, and others....

I for one, would like to hand back all the men in this world their "cojones" and let them be men again....................................

*ducks*

MaryDeluxe · Aug 14, 2008

desi_de_lu_lu said:
At the sake of getting stones thrown at me by the feminists, and others....

I for one, would like to hand back all the men in this world their "cojones" and let them be men again....................................

*ducks*

lol lol lol

desi_de_lu_lu · Aug 14, 2008

MaryDeluxe said:
lol lol lol

Can I get an "AMEN" or what?

ohairas · Aug 14, 2008

Miss Neecerie said:
I have a super ace pie crust recipe...

D....who has won prizes for her pies.

Are you going to share said recipe, Miss D? Perty please?
:essen:
Nikki
(Who just realized we need a "batting eyes" icon", lol!

Miss Neecerie · Aug 14, 2008

ohairas said:
Are you going to share said recipe, Miss D? Perty please?
:essen:
Nikki
(Who just realized we need a "batting eyes" icon", lol!

I will grab it tonight and post it.

Joy is that it works with any filling that uses a normal crust...

i_am_the_scruff · Aug 14, 2008

desi_de_lu_lu said:
Can I get an "AMEN" or what?

Not from me lol. I personally can't wait to work in my desired profession. I just hope I get there!

MaryDeluxe · Aug 14, 2008

desi_de_lu_lu said:
Can I get an "AMEN" or what?

Amen and Hallelujah! :eusa_clap

I have spent my whole life doing the career thing. I'm strong and independent and know how to take care of myself.

Don't tell but secretly all I really want is a husband who loves me and would be happy to be the bread winner so I could stay home and be the bread maker! lol

desi_de_lu_lu · Aug 14, 2008

MaryDeluxe said:
Amen and Hallelujah! :eusa_clap

I have spent my whole life doing the career thing. I'm strong and independent and know how to take care of myself.

Don't tell but secretly all I really want is a husband who loves me and would be happy to be the bread winner so I could stay home and be the bread maker! lol

Second that. I have been working since I was 15. Lets just say I am ready to "retire."

I made my career, seen the highs and the lows.....now I am ready for a break...

Breadmaker<-LOL

Foofoogal · Aug 14, 2008

http://www.parents.com/app/stayathomecalculator/

I saw a PBS special about 10 years ago that showed a person would have to bring home at least $18,000.00 a year income to break even with one child I believe. Surely it has changed some.
--------------------------------------
I found the luxury thing a hoot though. I have always been a homemaker but since my children are grown do my business.
I feel my time at home gave me time to study my business and learn.
I have also saved I am sure hundreds of dollars if not more just flat finding mistakes with bills, bank accts. etc.
I regret not spending more time with my kids and I did spend alot. Alot was spent needlessly in activities though. Some are good. lots are bad.
I enjoy my time but boy how fast it went. When they are gone, they are gone.
I love being a wife, mother and grandmother immensely.
I understand how difficult it is to make ends meet and know how blessed I am but I also believe people get used to certain ways of lifestyles. Best to always try to live on one income just in case something happens if at all possible. This is the mistake I see the most.
I have also found alot of the younger men demand their ladies work. This is definitely a twist on womens lib. Bet they didn't think that one out enough.
I keep a tight ship and honey spoils me rotten. All my girlfriends are jealous.
I brag on him alot and he really, really likes that. What a man...
33 years this month. Wow.. Even I am impressed.

Miss Neecerie · Aug 14, 2008

desi_de_lu_lu said:
Second that. I have been working since I was 15. Lets just say I am ready to "retire."

I made my career, seen the highs and the lows.....now I am ready for a break...

Breadmaker<-LOL

See...this reasoning for wanting to stay home...shrugs.....so because he is a man...hubby gets no break from work? lol

Wait....maybe that does work...punish men for being evilly men.....

ShoreRoadLady · Aug 14, 2008

One thing that irks me is the immediate assumption that anyone who wants to be a "housewife" (a term my mother always hated - "I'm not married to the house!"), or rather, homemaker, is firmly entrenched in the 1950s, from their outfits to their views on life. Simply because they *chose* that route is no reason to malign them. (ETA: Not referring to you wonderful ladies here, just a general comment.

)

foofoogal said:
I understand how difficult it is to make ends meet and know how blessed I am but I also believe people get used to certain ways of lifestyles. Best to always try to live on one income just in case something happens if at all possible. This is the mistake I see the most.
I have also found alot of the younger men demand their ladies work. This is definitely a twist on womens lib. Bet they didn't think that one out enough.

Precisely. Better to consider one income your "real money" and the rest can be used for investing, saving, what have you. (Now, if you're truly down-and-out, like many were during the Depression, that sort of goes out the window.) But with the amount of debt so many people are carrying, I think many women end up feeling forced to work because they have to keep up standards. And then that's not really a choice - it's a consequence of bad choices made previously.

Paisley · Aug 14, 2008

LondonLuke said:
Surely if enough women stayed at home, it would all be possible to live off one income again? Fewer workers, more demand=higher wages

One earner per household = less money per household. Less money per household = less demand for products and services (especially with a homemaker performing most services her family needs). Less demand = fewer jobs. It would probably be a wash.

LizzieMaine · Aug 14, 2008

The other problem is that real wages simply haven't kept pace with the basic cost of living, at least since the '80s and even more so in the last few years -- as anyone looking at paying this winter's heating bills will tell you. That's where they get the other angle in the story, the idea that stay-at-home-wives are some kind of new status symbol for the affluent. We of the riffraff can only dream.

The Shirt · Aug 14, 2008

Let's just say my BF and I are in serious negotiations about marriage/finances at this point.

Best to always try to live on one income just in case something happens if at all possible. This is the mistake I see the most.

This is an enormous part of it. We are old enough that we are trying our best to be wise about this decision and the money part of it all. We've watched him be unemployed for months at a time along with a good number of his friends. It's a strange time out there. We'd love to be "well-to-do" but facing the facts - we're not nor will ever be. I think with smart choices and working hard in the beginning together we'll be able to afford to retire a bit early or at least be without house payments after 10 years. Living off 1 income will not be our choice but potentially an inevitable existence.

Of course this all hinges on whether he ever decides it's time to ask me. I may still move to Spinster Boulevard in the end.

Foofoogal · Aug 15, 2008

We'd love to be "well-to-do" but facing the facts

Depending on what one's definition of "well to do" is. It really depends on what is it really one wants.
I see time as a great resource and commodity. I also see spending quantity time with our children and grandchildren as being well to do.
The majority of the children growing up now have never known anything but the message that is you have to have "stuff" and lots of it.
I have lots of stuff believe me but about 80% of it is stuff I have got at a bargain. I am like Mr.Haney of Green Acres.
There is a huge difference of having stuff and stuff having you.
Honestly, do you think people are happier now?

BonnieJean · Aug 21, 2008

Foofoogal said:
Honestly, do you think people are happier now?

I think that's precisely what draws me to the 1930s - 1940s eras. They seem to be part of simpler bygone times. Realistically, I know that times were just as tough (and maybe more so) back then as they are today. But my recent experience of hanging laundry on a clothesline (actually my dryer died a year ago and I haven't replaced it, nor will I, I like this too much), its just doing basic every day things that gives me a sense of peace/calmness. I used to work outside of the home when my boys were very young, and then I lost my sitter and was "forced" to be a stay-at-home mom. I was busier being an at-home wife/mom than when I worked outside the home, believe it or not! My boys are grown now and I still haven't gone back to work. Oh, I have a couple of home-based businesses that give me a little spare change, but otherwise we live pretty simple around here. Right now I'm in the middle of painting my walls and ceilings. (Amazing what a bit of paint can do to a room!) I'll probably be working on it for some time as I'm doing a little bit each day and trying to keep up with my general housework. When I was "forced" to quit my job my hubby was not very happy and even said we'd be on food stamps in a few months. I'm glad to report that that never happened. Oh, we had to do some creative financing and it was tough at times, but I wouldn't trade them for the world. I learned how to make do and I also realized that I could live with a lot less than I thought I could. My mother is a feminist through and through and she isn't so supportive. She keeps asking me if I've found a "real" job yet or have I thought about going back to school. But I'm pretty content with my life right now as a stay-at-home wife. I am also grateful for my mother's generation of giving to the rest of us the choice to stay at home or to work. I think each person has to discover for themselves what works best.

The Shirt · Aug 21, 2008

Depending on what one's definition of "well to do" is. It really depends on what is it really one wants.

I think what I meant originally is the idea of always having enough cash to do or buy whatever I wanted. I do understand your point though. I would have to agree there are many things more important than money when it comes to family life. When I was in my teens and 20s I envisioned that with a masters degree under my belt I would most certainly be well off and rolling in the dough lol . What I am finding in today's economy and thru some of my own life choices, that finances can be a struggle. I fell for a fellow that makes the same as I and as we plan our future together, I think we will be fine - we will never be the type that can run off on vacation without first planning it. If that makes sense. Which is fine - I understand life a little differently now after having provided for myself for years. It's just different than how I envisioned life when I was much younger. In my mind - it certainly is related to how much you are willing to sacrifice and how much effort you want to put towards that.

PS · Aug 21, 2008

1. I love that the "expert" in this situation..the author of the the book, is a MAN! Of course, of course, oh of course!
2. I am a stay at home mother/wife...and I am married to the house! My one income has meant ONE CAR! I stayed home initially because we couldn't afford child care. Then when my second was born it was best for me to stay home, then when he was diagnosed with Autism I didn't have a choice. I had to stay home to care for him and facilitate all of his appointments.
3. I am in school now, full time working on my BA in Social Sciences with a Teaching Concentration. I am going to start taking Acting classes again so I can go back to work. This staying home IS NOT FOR EVERYONE! My husband now has a job that fully supports us and then some but that doesn't mean it is easier. My house isn't cleaner because there are always at least 3 of us milling about, the meals aren't fancier because everyone is always hungry and I am not happier because I am getting to stay home. There seems to be this romantic view of staying home. To appreciate your home you must leave it, you must look forward to it at the end of the day or weekend. Staying home isn't always a luxury and I find it sad that it is portrayed as such. Now, this is just my personal experience. Staying home doesn't negate the efforts that came before us, those women fought for CHOICE, theirs and ours. My own choice happens to be that I feel empowered when I contribute to my home. I feel empowered when I appreciate what I have. I feel empowered when I feel fulfilled.

59Lark · Aug 22, 2008

Dinosaur training.

Frankly in my own age group and area , we are the only couple that I know of who wifes doesnt work. Now we got put into this situation by a back injury , my wife was a nurse and a week after we bought our house, she wrecked some discs. Now it took a year to see the specialist and he took me aside and said mr............ if your wife goes back to work build a wheel chair ramp on your house. They kept telling her up to that point that she would get better and then we it was too late and the compesation claim was lost. So we live on one income and she raises our childeren and home schools them, we share house chores and I do most of the cooking and dishes. Now we are considered dinosaurs by most couples are age, and find our selves more in common with mennonite familes.
We also have to make do with old cars, but we have 3, one is a studebaker and we have our business attached to our home, and live breathe and work 6 days a week, we live what we consider a fairly good life but we have a kinda weird luxury thing, we starve our selves and live cheap and then when we get ahead a little and do well, we spoil the children or ourselves with a toy or something and then we feel guilty for a while. It is amazing how frugual or whatever you consider important , priortize, I Guess live how you want too not society . do what you the two of you happy dont bother with the jones anymore they divorced. 59Lark

fftopic:

mackenzie · Aug 22, 2008

Since I moved to Italy 2 years ago I have been working 6 months. For the reasons that in the begining I didn't speak italian and after because there just isn't any jobs availible. My man earns enough for us to have a pretty "free" lifestyle. We go on vacation a couple a times a year and so on. the problem is since I don't earn any money it is harder for me to make financial desicions. I mean I can't say to him- lets spend 1000 euros to go and see my family in sweden. It is just not my money to spend. I think the idea of staying at home is a bit too romantic. I loved the idea before I lived it. Don't get me wrong, I love to spend my day sewing ( and earning pocket money from it) But the big difference of staying at home and working is that when you earn your own money you are more independent and there is few things that can beat that. Maybe it is just me but I don't like the guilt of spending someone elses money.

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