I hate monkeys.

[Feraud]

why don't you go and hate spiders instead?????
leave baboons alone

Spiders create complex and visually stunning structures to catch their prey.
Simians clumsily poke a stick into a hole to catch ants?

 

[HadleyH]

Spiders create complex and visually stunning structures to catch their prey.
Simians clumsily poke a stick into a hole to catch ants?

Fine.
Then let's like both
how about that?

 

[Technonut]

why don't you go and hate spiders instead?????
leave baboons alone

You Cut Out His Brain, You Bloody Baboon!

 

[Story]

I think the proclivity of simian interest is a repressed racial memory from a time when hominids were evolving as Homo and shifting from the primate Simia. I believe we're complelled to see them as a lower "us" whether we consciously know it of not.[huh]

Speak for yourself, Monkey Boy! - Dr. Emilio Lizardo

 

[Brooksie]

why don't you go and hate spiders instead?????
leave baboons alone

I hate spiders way way more than monkeys!

*shuddering at the thought of spiders!*

LB

 

[MudInYerEye]

And what's up with puppies, kittens, and babies?!!! These things are disgusting and really freak me out! So do communists, freemasons, and freethinkers everywhere! Blechhhhhhh!!!

 

[Technonut]

And what's up with puppies, kittens, and babies?!!! These things are disgusting and really freak me out! So do communists, freemasons, and freethinkers everywhere! Blechhhhhhh!!!

MudInYerEye, man, you are TOO MUCH... lol lol :eusa_clap I was very disappointed when a certain beertender **coughHemmcoughjns** shut down your other promising thread recently....

Yeah.... what IS with those Freemasons? With their secret ceremonies, and having members planted in the highest levels of government, poised to destroy our way of life at any moment.... :rage:

 

[Flying Scotsman]

Dogs and cats are domesticated animals. Everything else is wild, upredictable, and should not be assumed to be domesticated. There is a difference, and they should be avoided.
Especially if they have the ability to throw crap.

Well put. I can never understand the need some people have for exotic "pets"...lions, chimpanzees, wolves, whatever. They're wild animals and they belong in the wild. I'm never surprised when one of these "pets" that is genetically driven to live in huge landscapes finally gets fed up with being caged and isolated and turns on its "owner". The sad thing is the animal usually ends up dead because of it.

 

[Tommy Fedora]

There was a big, black trained ape called Mr.Jiggs a few years ago that made appearances on TV, etc. He lived on a road on the way to my house and you could see him out there in the good weather in the front yard along the road sitting on a swing. Well, chained to it actually. I was never comfortable seeing him out there on the swing, especially when he stared back at me.
Damned dirty ape.

 

[PastimeSteve]

Here you go, Japan has called out the Army to fight the monkeys. First Godzilla, and now this?

Army poised for action against wild animals (including monkeys):

TOKYO (Reuters) - Japan is preparing to mobilize troops to deal with wild animals such as boars, bears and monkeys.

Having debated since March on how to stop the animals from attacking crops and entering residential areas, a group of ruling party politicians has agreed to call on the military for help, the Asahi Shimbun daily reported Sunday.

...

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUST13931020070611

Steve

 

[griffer]

What a transparent cover for training and mobilization!

Didn't the germans say they were just going after some bears and wild pigs in the Rheinland?

 

[Zig2k143]

For anyone who hasn't read this online yet:


I LIKE MONKEYS
I like monkeys.

The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that
odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to
look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His
name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really
bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed.
Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new
environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at
high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the
spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive:
they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead.
Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn
cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my
room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked
like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for
a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real
bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want
to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately
there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change
them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so
it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to
extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in
my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor
wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the
bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't
allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet
one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the
frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My
friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like
them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in
the genitals.

I like monkeys

 

[be_lovely]

[

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My
friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like
them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in
the genitals.

I like monkeys[/QUOTE]

Ummm , sweetie, the monkey you gave me had a certain odor to it, now that i have read the whole story, may i return it????? :X

 

[Zig2k143]

[

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My
friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like
them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in
the genitals.

I like monkeys

Ummm , sweetie, the monkey you gave me had a certain odor to it, now that i have read the whole story, may i return it????? :X[/QUOTE]

Lol.... No the monkey's are non-retunable...Damn ingrat...

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

Easy solution.

Re-gift it.

 

[Story]

Here you go, Japan has called out the Army to fight the monkeys. First Godzilla, and now this?

Army poised for action against wild animals (including monkeys):

TOKYO (Reuters) - Japan is preparing to mobilize troops to deal with wild animals such as boars, bears and monkeys.
*
Some in the party are also calling for troops to use guns :eusa_doh:

("What are we supposed to use, man? harsh language?" - Frost, ALIENS)
...

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUST13931020070611

Steve

Published: Friday June 1, 2007
http://rawstory.com/news/afp/Belgian_troops_deployed_to_battle_m_06012007.html

Belgian troops are preparing to battle an invasion of hairy caterpillars which can provoke allergic reactions in humans, authorities announced Friday.

From Monday, a contingent of 24 soldiers will take part in the fight against the well-organised creepy-crawlies, called procession caterpillars because of their habit of marching in lines.

They will join forces with firefighters, civil protection officers and private firms already doing battle against their tiny foes.

 

[Joie DeVive]

When I was a student teacher, I took my Kindergarten class on a field trip to the zoo. The class was broken up into small groups of about four or five kids, and there was a parent or a teacher with each group. My group included the daughter of one of the other teachers at the school.

We had just gotten to the baboons when a big male and a female decided they were feeling amorous, and they put on quite a show. I could have just died. I'm sitting there thinking: "Oh man, this is the last think I need! How am I going to explain this? What am I going to say??"

The sweet daughter of that other teacher looked up at me and said: "That one monkey grabbed that other monkeys bottom and went oo-oo-ooh!"

Relieved, I replied: "That is exactly what happened!" And thankfully led my crew away...

I don't hate monkies, but they were nearly a big headache for me that day! lol

 

[jamespowers]

And what's up with puppies, kittens, and babies?!!! These things are disgusting and really freak me out! So do communists, freemasons, and freethinkers everywhere! Blechhhhhhh!!!

:eusa_doh:

 

[MrBern]

first hominid in space

Ham the Astrochimp, bane of the Mercury astronauts.

 

[Story]

Found the Monkeys that scare Mud

Indian authorities have announced a scientific study to ascertain bizarre claims by tribal villagers encountering mystical monsters in the jungles of this northeastern state.

'A team of wildlife officials and other experts would conduct a study to find out if there is any truth in claims made by locals about sighting some hairy giants similar to the elusive Bigfoot,' Samphat Kumar, the district magistrate of West Garo Hills, told IANS.

The remote East and West Garo Hills districts bordering Bangladesh are gripped by curiosity after at least half-a-dozen Garo villagers claim to have seen the ape-like creature, locally known as the Mande Burung (jungle man), in separate sightings over the past three weeks.

'The sight was frightening - two adults and two smaller ones, huge and bulky, furry, heads looked as if they were wearing caps, and their colour was somewhat blackish brown,' said Wallen Sangma, a 40-year-old farmer.

Sangma said he saw the four creatures from a distance of about 30 to 40 meters in a thickly forested area near village Rongcekgre, about 350 km from the state capital Shillong, while looking for firewood. 'The four quietly vanished into the thick undergrowths.'

The Garos, most of who are Christians while some are animists, believe in the existence of Mande Burung and lots of folklores and legends are attached to the creature. According to local accounts, there are stories of villagers being abducted and breastfed by a female Mande Burung.

'There is no denying the fact that Mande Burung does exist in the Garo Hills and it would be too simplistic to write it off as some bear or gorilla or a figment of imagination,' said L.R. Marak, a noted writer and winner of India's highest literary prize, the Sahitya Akademi Award.

Bigfoot, also known as Sasquatch, is a figure in North American folklore and is said to inhabit remote forests. It is sometimes described as a large, hairy bipedal hominoid and many believe that this animal or its close relatives may be found around the world under different regional names, such as the Yeti of Tibet and Nepal and the Yowie of Australia.

A local group called the Achik Tourism Society has been trying to unravel the truth surrounding the mysterious creature since 1997, although with little or no scientific knowledge.

'We have taken photographs and video images of the footprints of the creature and their nesting. The footprints we shot were as big as 13 to 15 inches long,' said Dipu Marak, general secretary of the Achik Tourism Society.

The tourism society is now seeking a response from international researcher's who are working worldwide in the field of crypto zoology.

'Prima facie, the descriptions given by people who saw the creatures point to Mande Burung. There is no trace of any gorilla or unidentified animals inhabiting this region,' said T.K. Marak, president of the Achik Tourism Society and a zoology lecturer at the Tura government college in West Garo Hills.

Complete story at
http://newspostindia.com/report-2847