Clean Jokes

[Bamaboots]

Know the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are a buck and a half while deer nuts are under a buck.

 

[hatsRme]

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his mother-in-law in the woods?

 

[hatsRme]

Two cannibals having lunch together...

Cannibal 1: How's your lunch?
Cannibal 2: I'm having a ball!
Cannibal 1: You're eating too fast!

 

[GHT]

You will fall off your seat laughing, unless, like me, spiders scare the crap out of you.

 

[Zombie_61]

You will fall off your seat laughing, unless, like me, spiders scare the crap out of you.

A 12-legged spider?

 

[Hurricane Jack]

For all of us dog lovers, you never know what they are thinking:

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

Where's Chamuco?

 

[Zombie_61]

Where's Chamuco?

Ooh, so close. The label on the bottle should say "Mezcal", not "Tequila". Very similar, but not quite the same.

 

[F. J.]

Ooh, so close. The label on the bottle should say "Mezcal", not "Tequila". Very similar, but not quite the same.

You beat me to it.

 

[2jakes]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

Nobody thinks this day will ever come.

 

[2jakes]

 

[2jakes]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell may have finally gotten the message.

 

[GHT]

Nobody thinks this day will ever come.

This is Carmen Dell'Orefays, when is her day going to come? She's eighty-six. Nobody should look this fabulous at 86.

 

[Zachary]

Nancy, a small firm's employee, celebrates a big birthday. Her boss wants to throw a party. He calls the confectioner on the phone.

"I would like to order a birthday cake for Nancy", he says.
The confectioner: "At first, we would need to know if Nancy is a man or a woman. And then, please, tell me what should be written on the cake."
"Well, the writing should say: 'Congratulations!'. And Nancy is a woman."
The next day, a big round cake arrives, with a writing on it reading:
"Congratulations! Nancy is a woman."