Your Most Disturbing Realizations

LizzieMaine · Mar 29, 2017

Small world. I lived in Santa Barbara, in a dumpy little two-room apartment on De La Vina Street, for six months in my early twenties, and experiences I had there, good and bad, continue to shape me to the present day.

Inkstainedwretch · Mar 29, 2017

I know De La Vina well. My aunt had a beach house on Padaro Lane from '61 to around '75, then a big house up a canyon in Montecito, finally a condo in Plaza Pacifica in Montecito, where she passed away in 2013. As you might imagine, she married money. A lot of it.

Zombie_61 · Mar 29, 2017

2jakes said:
I've thrown the dice.
Have passed Go & collected $200.
Not looking back.
It's been grand.
It's spring, I've got my health
and making the most of it!

Here's hoping you don't

2jakes · Mar 29, 2017

Zombie_61 said:
Here's hoping you don't

Not to worry my Zombie pal, I have a plethora of cards just in case!

2jakes · Apr 6, 2017

Do you ever go out, and
while you're out, you
think, 'This is exactly
why I don't go out'?

I didn't make this up...I just read it somewhere!

1mach1 · Mar 17, 2018

2jakes said:
Do you ever go out, and
while you're out, you
think, 'This is exactly
why I don't go out'?

I didn't make this up...I just read it somewhere!

Far too many times to count

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk

3fingers · Mar 18, 2018

2jakes said:
Do you ever go out, and
while you're out, you
think, 'This is exactly
why I don't go out'?

I didn't make this up...I just read it somewhere!

My wife and I went to a local place for supper tonight. It's a restaurant with a bar and usually pretty quiet. Tonight there was a group at the bar who had had 1 more than enough and were starting to get a little wound up. After I got past that point in my own life, my tolerance of it from others is pretty limited.

1mach1 · Mar 18, 2018

3fingers said:
My wife and I went to a local place for supper tonight. It's a restaurant with a bar and usually pretty quiet. Tonight there was a group at the bar who had had 1 more than enough and were starting to get a little wound up. After I got past that point in my own life, my tolerance of it from others is pretty limited.

I hear that.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk

Tiki Tom · Nov 3, 2018

Jumping on a plane in a few days. Just learned that my older brother has aggressive stage 4 lung cancer and will likely not make it to Christmas. He’s only 68, but has been a life-long smoker. I’ve always had a complicated relationship with him, so on many levels this will be a difficult trip. Part of the jumble of emotions is that it is definitely a disturbing realization that we all have a finite amount of time on this planet, and the clock is ticking. That, of course, is at a secondary level. Right now the main focus will be on him and his family.

Fading Fast · Nov 3, 2018

Tiki Tom said:
Jumping on a plane in a few days. Just learned that my older brother has aggressive stage 4 lung cancer and will likely not make it to Christmas. He’s only 68, but has been a life-long smoker. I’ve always had a complicated relationship with him, so on many levels this will be a difficult trip. Part of the jumble of emotions is that it is definitely a disturbing realization that we all have a finite amount of time on this planet, and the clock is ticking. That, of course, is at a secondary level. Right now the main focus will be on him and his family.

Good luck my friend - my best wishes are with you, your older brother and family

2jakes · Nov 3, 2018

"Right now the main focus will be on him and his family." Tiki Tom.

I regret not doing this.
It won't be easy but I second what my pal
Fading Fast has posted.
Also...expect to hear from you when you come back to the Lounge.

Ok?

Inkstainedwretch · Nov 3, 2018

Tiki Tom said:
Jumping on a plane in a few days. Just learned that my older brother has aggressive stage 4 lung cancer and will likely not make it to Christmas. He’s only 68, but has been a life-long smoker. I’ve always had a complicated relationship with him, so on many levels this will be a difficult trip. Part of the jumble of emotions is that it is definitely a disturbing realization that we all have a finite amount of time on this planet, and the clock is ticking. That, of course, is at a secondary level. Right now the main focus will be on him and his family.

Much the same here. I've just learned that my older brother (by 2 1/2 years) is showing signs of dementia. He's a lifelong bachelor so there is no family to be taken care of but it's going to be a trying time ahead.

Juanito · Nov 7, 2018

Stanley Doble said:
"Your parents heard Kurt Cobain play live, wow they must be old"

Not sure why I am schlepping a thead so old, but I saw Kurt Cobain at the Crocodile Cafe in Seattle in October 1992. Kind of a cool deal since no one knew they were playing that night since they were under some other name, incognito. I guess I'm old!

GHT · Nov 7, 2018

Tiki Tom said:
Jumping on a plane in a few days. Just learned that my older brother has aggressive stage 4 lung cancer and will likely not make it to Christmas. He’s only 68, but has been a life-long smoker.

My sister and I are in a similar circumstance, She is just a year older than your brother and she has smoked for well over fifty years. But as far as I know, she has shown our late Grandmother's immunity to the ravages of tobacco. (Granny was a smoker from the age of 14, she died aged 98.)
Both my sympathy and empathy are with you, at such a difficult time. My empathy too about how little time we have on this planet. As I approach old age, I know that there can only be fewer days than there was when I was young, yet despite wanting to have yet more years, I certainly don't want to live forever. What a dilemma.

Tiki Tom · Nov 15, 2018

2jakes said:
Also...expect to hear from you when you come back to the Lounge. Ok?

Returned from L.A. last night. When I first arrived there a week ago, my brother was sitting up and talking. A day or two later he stopped eating and it was a slow slide after that. He passed away two days ago. Still, I am glad I jumped a plane when I did and was able to say goodbye to him and support his family in these difficult times. I imagine it will take me a few days or weeks to process it all. At least for me, it was very sudden and unexpected. I’m only glad the end came quickly and that he passed away in his sleep and wasn’t in pain (he was on morphine by then.)

Anyway: life goes on. Friends, do it now. Take that trip you’ve been postponing “‘til retirement”. Tell those you love that you love them. ‘Nuff said. And thanks to everyone for the kind comments. Happy Thanksgiving.

2jakes · Nov 15, 2018

Tiki Tom said:
Returned from L.A. last night. When I first arrived there a week ago, my brother was sitting up and talking. A day or two later he stopped eating and it was a slow slide after that. He passed away two days ago. Still, I am glad I jumped a plane when I did and was able to say goodbye to him and support his family in these difficult times. I imagine it will take me a few days or weeks to process it all. At least for me, it was very sudden and unexpected. I’m only glad the end came quickly and that he passed away in his sleep and wasn’t in pain (he was on morphine by then.)

Anyway: life goes on. Friends, do it now. Take that trip you’ve been postponing “‘til retirement”. Tell those you love that you love them. ‘Nuff said. And thanks to everyone for the kind comments. Happy Thanksgiving.

Glad to hear from you again.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.

GHT · Nov 15, 2018

Tiki Tom said:
Anyway: life goes on. Friends, do it now. Take that trip you’ve been postponing “‘til retirement”. Tell those you love that you love them. ‘Nuff said. And thanks to everyone for the kind comments. Happy Thanksgiving.

You have a stoic, positive attitude which will sustain you as you absorb your loss more and more. My condolences to you and thank you for the sound advice.

Tiki Tom · Nov 16, 2018

Am a bit depressed to tell you the truth. But as my wife says (and she is always right) it is important that I acknowledge my feelings and be aware of the natural phases of grief. With time, it will be okay.

2jakes · Nov 16, 2018

Tiki Tom said:
Am a bit depressed to tell you the truth. But as my wife says (and she is always right) it is important that I acknowledge my feelings and be aware of the natural phases of grief. With time, it will be okay.

Having gone through this several times, I know it takes time.
Hardest part is taking the first steps.
With time, it'll be okay. All depends on how you look at it for what it is, stay positive and move on.

GHT · Nov 17, 2018

Tiki Tom said:
Am a bit depressed to tell you the truth. But as my wife says (and she is always right) it is important that I acknowledge my feelings and be aware of the natural phases of grief. With time, it will be okay.

Have to agree with 2jakes, it isn't so much as time heals, although that's a common expression, time gives you the strength that you need to absorb the enormity of the loss that you have to bare.
My sister lost her little boy to a tragic traffic accident, she told me that she felt a tremendous sense of guilt for falling asleep in the days between the event and the funeral. It helped her when I explained that falling asleep is a defence mechanism that your body employs to help you take in the enormity of the situation.
You will feel the whole gambit of emotions, in fact, given time, you will be able to chastise your brother for smoking and for leaving the party before his time. Yet at the same time you will still feel the tremendous sense of loss. It sounds like a contradiction but a lot of us here on The Lounge have shared your experience and will concur the same.
Keep your brother's memory alive, talk to him, don't forget his birthday, tell him that you miss him, tell him that you are sorry for not telling him that you love him dearly whilst he was still amongst us. Don't feel the angst, or the guilt and you will find that dealing with the grief becomes something that you can do, without all the burden of self imposed anxiety.
Put it this way. If it had been you and not your brother that had died, act in the same way as the advice that you might have given to your survivors. Peace be with you.

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