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A veddy proper publisher's most 21st-century guide to manners
By JILL MAHONEY
Toronto Globe and Mail
04-OCT-06
In Britain, the aristocracy and the socially ambitious have long turned to publisher Debrett's for authoritative advice on how to address royalty, behave at horse races and eat soup.
But in a stark departure from its fusty Victorian values, the upper-crust firm has launched an etiquette guide for modern young women that covers previously unmentionable conduct, from casual sex to going topless at the beach.
"While some people might say we're being quite revolutionary, we like to think that we're being relevant to the 21st century and how women go about their everyday lives," said Jo Aitchison, editor of "Etiquette for Girls," in an interview.
While etiquette guides for modern singletons are not new, the book breaks new ground for the arbiter of etiquette and society, which has published sedate tomes since 1769.
Indeed, in Jane Austen's "Persuasion," a character obsessively reads a Debrett's book mapping the lineages of British aristocracy.
The 224-page manual's racier bits, including a cover photo of a woman with ample cleavage slurping an oyster and a chapter titled "Man management," have already made headlines in Britain. As The Independent wrote of the book, which was released Monday: "Debrett's traditional readers may choke on their marmalade."
However, Aitchison said, the book maintains Debrett's core values of elegance, composure and dignity while addressing the realities of modern life.
"We're not recommending bad behavior," said Aitchison, who is also managing editor of Debrett's. "We're recommending confident, independent behavior that is relevant to us in society and does reflect how we all go about our everyday life now."
On one-night stands _ which the guide calls "a bit like fast food: tempting, but with nauseating afterthoughts" _ it advises women to "avoid dark-alley gropery, and unladylike fumbling in the back of a cab." It also counsels readers to "make health and safety a priority" by inviting men back to their flats and using protection "to avoid planting any love children or disease."
Noting that infidelity is rife with risks, the manual advises those who are "still powerless to resist" to keep affairs to themselves because "gossip has wings" and observers will be disdainful.
For readers who cheat on a partner, the book recommends covering one's tracks by destroying receipts and deleting text messages.
"If you are the 'other woman' remember not to get too involved: a married man rarely leaves his wife, and even if he did, he could well do the same thing to you," it says.
"Etiquette for Girls" also advises that office romances are "a risky business" and should only be disclosed after the relationship stabilizes. Going topless at the beach should only be done in secluded spots and when other sun worshippers have also disrobed.
Smokers should only use a proper ashtray, the book decrees, "never a wine bottle, flower pot or used plate" and should "avoid allowing smoke to billow out of the nostrils. It is also inelegant to leave the cigarette unsupported in the mouth."
By JILL MAHONEY
Toronto Globe and Mail
04-OCT-06
In Britain, the aristocracy and the socially ambitious have long turned to publisher Debrett's for authoritative advice on how to address royalty, behave at horse races and eat soup.
But in a stark departure from its fusty Victorian values, the upper-crust firm has launched an etiquette guide for modern young women that covers previously unmentionable conduct, from casual sex to going topless at the beach.
"While some people might say we're being quite revolutionary, we like to think that we're being relevant to the 21st century and how women go about their everyday lives," said Jo Aitchison, editor of "Etiquette for Girls," in an interview.
While etiquette guides for modern singletons are not new, the book breaks new ground for the arbiter of etiquette and society, which has published sedate tomes since 1769.
Indeed, in Jane Austen's "Persuasion," a character obsessively reads a Debrett's book mapping the lineages of British aristocracy.
The 224-page manual's racier bits, including a cover photo of a woman with ample cleavage slurping an oyster and a chapter titled "Man management," have already made headlines in Britain. As The Independent wrote of the book, which was released Monday: "Debrett's traditional readers may choke on their marmalade."
However, Aitchison said, the book maintains Debrett's core values of elegance, composure and dignity while addressing the realities of modern life.
"We're not recommending bad behavior," said Aitchison, who is also managing editor of Debrett's. "We're recommending confident, independent behavior that is relevant to us in society and does reflect how we all go about our everyday life now."
On one-night stands _ which the guide calls "a bit like fast food: tempting, but with nauseating afterthoughts" _ it advises women to "avoid dark-alley gropery, and unladylike fumbling in the back of a cab." It also counsels readers to "make health and safety a priority" by inviting men back to their flats and using protection "to avoid planting any love children or disease."
Noting that infidelity is rife with risks, the manual advises those who are "still powerless to resist" to keep affairs to themselves because "gossip has wings" and observers will be disdainful.
For readers who cheat on a partner, the book recommends covering one's tracks by destroying receipts and deleting text messages.
"If you are the 'other woman' remember not to get too involved: a married man rarely leaves his wife, and even if he did, he could well do the same thing to you," it says.
"Etiquette for Girls" also advises that office romances are "a risky business" and should only be disclosed after the relationship stabilizes. Going topless at the beach should only be done in secluded spots and when other sun worshippers have also disrobed.
Smokers should only use a proper ashtray, the book decrees, "never a wine bottle, flower pot or used plate" and should "avoid allowing smoke to billow out of the nostrils. It is also inelegant to leave the cigarette unsupported in the mouth."
