If You Were A Vintage Super Hero

[happyfilmluvguy]

If you were a vintage themed super hero or heroin, what would be your name, your super vintage powers and abilities, and what would be your weakness?
Who would be your arch enemy?
Would you have a sidekick?
A group of super friends?
What would be your outfit?
Would you have a super vehicle?
What would it look like?
Would you have a lair?

 

[MrBern]

To the barber pole!

I'd be Captain Haircut.
Feraud would be my sidekick, KidSideburns.

We'd fight crime w/ tins of pomade & hairnets

Our enemies would be the Sinister DoctorDandruff & Lady Alopecia.

We'd comb the city by day, & shampoo by nite.

Everytime you eat a pastrami sndwich w/ no hair in it, you'd thank your lucky stars we fight the good fight.

In the movie, we save Brittany from shaving her own head.

 

[John in Covina]

Steve Rogers

Captain America with Bucky fighting Nazis.

 

[Lady Day]

Id be...

The Dartress

I got my powers of 'fashion sculpting' by cracking under the bombardment of muffin top radiation.

I emerged a stronger, and savvier-Diva, with fashion intuition, the ability to hand stitch a dress in seconds, and tell anyones measurements just by sight.

My side kick is Bias Tape. She and I are two seamstresses by day, where in the basement of our shop is our secret lair. That is where we contact VQ (Vintage Quarters) to keep a lookout on FV (Fashion Vengeance) our arch enemy who strikes the malls and outlet stores with ill fitting fashions, synthetic fabrics, and horrible cuts.

I cant reveal my weakness, it would embolden the enemy

As for my ride, I Vespa it, of course. Except it would be a butter cream color with jetpacks on the side

LD

 

[Shearer]

The Lip-Stalker.

A foul-mouthed, snarkier version of the tooth fairy. Ladies, I know it's hard to part with that Wet 'n' Wild pearly white lipstick, but I'll leave you a nice, creamy matte red under your pillow.

Men, here's a tin of Carmex. Trust me.

I dunno about sidekicks, but damned if I don't own a Duesenberg!

 

[MrBern]

I dunno about sidekicks, but damned if I don't own a Duesenberg!

Oh you must have a sidekick.
Perhaps a sassy sidekick named Ashey who provides unfortunate, dry children w/ skin lotion.
You could be space refugees from the Moist Moon of the Planet AloeVera.

 

[Elaina]

Batman's girlfriend.

 

[MrBern]

Batman's girlfriend.

That would be Robin.

 

[Shearer]

That would be Robin.

Okay, now see... that made me snort.

 

[Shearer]

Oh you must have a sidekick.
Perhaps a sassy sidekick named Ashey who provides unfortunate, dry children w/ skin lotion.
You could be space refugees from the Moist Moon of the Planet AloeVera.

It's starting to sound like MST3K. This could be plausible.

 

[Elaina]

That would be Robin.

Now that I've woken up my house from laughing, that's wrong.

In all truth, I don't want to be a hero. Villians have more fun.

 

[happyfilmluvguy]

Now that I've woken up my house from laughing, that's wrong.

In all truth, I don't want to be a hero. Villians have more fun.

yes........ yes they do......muwahahahahaaha! :rage: :whistling

I would like to see the Masked Fedorer. Fighting for truth, justice and to make sure everyone is wearing a hat!

Reporter: "FLASH!, the hat of the president has just been stolen! The president, being hairless on his scalp, has a big speech to make through public television and cannot be seen by the nation without his hat and without any hair! Who will save him!?"

(a windy breeze goes by as civilians hold onto their hats)

"It's.....The Masked Fedorer!"

Fedorer - "yes.....it is I! The Masked Fedorer. Here to do away with hatless heads, to save the world from sunburn, to catch the thieves that reign on our fair head covered city! Beware! Beware evil doers, for I will make sure that even YOU will being covered in a hat!"

And who is the arch enemy of this super hero may you ask? Well...
anyone who hates a fedora

Alright, I'm done.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Whenever chaos threatens, I'd yell the magic word LYSOL! and in a flash of early morning sunlight I'd be transformed into The Housewife -- foe of clutter, enemy of dust, and relentless opponent of all forms of disorder.

My costume would be a housedress made of a special miracle fabric that never gets dirty, sensible shoes with secret Adapto-Soles that allow me to stand on my feet for days at a time without getting tired, a marvelous Utility Apron with pockets for all my powerful grime-fighting devices, and an identity-concealing headscarf that channels my secret mental powers into hypnotic beams that make everyone want to SETTLE DOWN AND EAT THEIR VEGETABLES.

My ride would be the bus. The Housewife, alas, can't afford a souped up super vehicle, not since Captain Husband went off to find a new sidekick.

The best part of it is, I'm such an utter slob at keeping up my own house, that no one would ever ever suspect my secret identity.

 

[RetroModelSari]

My name would be THE SMOOCH-ELF! I can kiss things to death and fly around with the eyes closed making smoooooooch*flutter*flutter*. (at least my boyfriend says so) lol

My enemy would be the Giggle-Goblin - a mean little but somehow cute creature that giggles and does evil thing to the poor smooch-elf and hides her things all the time. (at least I say so) lol

And now I feel like drawing a cute little comic-version of me as the smooch-elf lol

 

[Feraud]

I'd be Captain Haircut.
Feraud would be my sidekick, KidSideburns.

We'd fight crime w/ tins of pomade & hairnets

Our enemies would be the Sinister DoctorDandruff & Lady Alopecia.

We'd comb the city by day, & shampoo by nite.

Everytime you eat a pastrami sndwich w/ no hair in it, you'd thank your lucky stars we fight the good fight.

In the movie, we save Brittany from shaving her own head.

"A mild mannered and clean shaven accounting clerk by day, KidSideBurns develops into an awesome crimefighting "one man salon" besides Captain Haircut. When the crimefighting begins, the sideburns come out. Think Wolverine with a fedora and armed with Jonathan Antin hair products..

 

[Fletch]

DEPRESSIONMAN

...by day a typical jobless urbanite, has learned thru intense study to project his own mental states into the minds of evildoers. He foils evil geniuses with attention deficits...lays megalomaniacs low with self-esteem crises...and cripples confidence men with social anxiety.

Depressionman somehow does all this on tips from passers-by at his daily street corner spot.

 

[K.D. Lightner]

You folks are so funny!

I was a superhero back in 1949.

My favorite aunt and uncle bought me a red cowboy hat. I found a small red blanket or throw, which I used as a cape, donned a red sweatshirt and some high-top red rain golashes that belonged to my mother. I also had a pair of red jeans and bought a red half-mask.

I was the Red Ranger, or maybe I was the Red Avenger, fighting evil and bad guys everywhere. I rode a white horse named White Star, and my sidekick was a white dog named Huskie. I could run faster than anyone else on earth and had incredible strength, which I rarely used because it was lethal.

I had no known weaknesses, but, in truth I was a 7-year old girl.

Today, I wonder how many of those red items actually matched. I bet it was ghastly.

Red is still my favorite color, but I am retired from all the action.


karol

 

[happyfilmluvguy]

...by day a typical jobless urbanite, has learned thru intense study to project his own mental states into the minds of evildoers. He foils evil geniuses with attention deficits...lays megalomaniacs low with self-esteem crises...and cripples confidence men with social anxiety.

Depressionman somehow does all this on tips from passers-by at his daily street corner spot.

An amazing superpower. If you get any tips in general you're a hero in my book. lol

I request a photo of this so called "Red Avenger"

 

[Tony in Tarzana]

I can't think of a name yet, but I'd definitely have a Pierce-Arrow, an autogyro and a Zeppelin that launched biplane fighters.

Saving the world... for myself?

 

[CharlieH.]

Adding to the FL Justice league....

Faster than an eye popping at the sight of curvy dames!

More Powerful than an Acme anvil!

The Toon Man!
(Preliminary sketch- Patent pending)

Cruising around town in his "pretty long darn vehicle", he's on a neverending quest for truth and justice... and lovely ladies. His powers include changing outfits in a whirl, producing large heavy objects outta nowhere, super-strength, knowledge of fine cheeses and an elasticity that defies every single law of physics known to man.

(Sidekicks apply here)

His only weakness?

His only enemies - Rubber Head and a bottle of turpentine!