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My grandmother passed away when I was eight (after a year long, brutal battle with cancer). At that point, I knew she had had a hard life - her WASP family "disowned" her when she married the son of a German immigrant, he then died in the depression and left her in debt with a failing business and an young son (my Dad). She rebuilt that business and did okay from the '50s on.
I also knew her as just my Grandmother. She was no stereotypical warm and cuddly grandmother - she was formidable - but she was a good grandmother. I used to stay at her apartment (sleep on her living room sofa) when my parents wanted a night free (I'm sure that's not how it was sold to me at the time).
She was always attentive and tried to make it a nice time - take me to a movie or out to IHOPs, but she was a disciplinarian and I was always very well behaved with her as she frighten me a bit.
I also remember that her neighbors were a married couple of the same age as her whom she had known for fifty or so years. They would pop in and out of each others' apartments and the husband would take me for walks or to the park. He was a nice guy with a spark for life that made him fun to be with.
While my grandmother was very formal - always dressed up, very proper in grammar and etiquette - with this couple she was informal. The husband would bring over coffee and rolls in the morning sometimes and my Grandmother would sit at the kitchen table with him and me before she was "made up," etc. It was always a nice time when he came over and I remember it as one of my favorite parts of visiting her.
Anyway, about thirty years after she passed away and almost twenty after my Father did (he only lived to be 60), I'm at dinner with my Mom and girlfriend and my mother, after having never said anything about this to me before, casually (mind you) mentions that my Grandmother had, had a forty-plus year affair with the husband of the neighbor couple.
After picking my jaw up from the table, my Mom told me that it was an open secret that everyone knew about at the time - including his wife - but nobody talked about. She also said that my Grandmother told her in that last year, when she was dying of cancer, that they had talked about having him leave his wife and getting married, but neither of them wanted to blast apart two families and create a scandal (it was a different time).
Now when I look back, I can see that all the signs were there if I had, at the age of five and six, known what to look for. They were incredibly comfortable with each other in a way that couples are. She didn't care about him coming in and out of her apartment at any time of day no matter what she was doing (and, otherwise, she was incredible punctilious). And while she got along fine with the wife, the real relationship was with the husband. I took all this in as a kid, but had know way of processing it then.
So, that is the long story of my relative from the Golden Era who lived a life quite different from the one I thought she had. She taught me all good values - honestly, hard work, manners, integrity, kindness to others and the importance of your word being your bond. In every way, other than the affair (I know, "how was the play otherwise Mrs. Lincoln"), I believed she lived her life according to those values - local businessmen told me for years after she had passed away that all you needed from your Grandmother was a handshake as it was as good as a signed contract.
As we all know, the Golden Era had all the drama of human life, but some of it was kept more below the surface than in our show-everything culture today. I thought this was a neat story and might be worthy of a thread as others might have equally or more interesting stories to tell as well.
I also knew her as just my Grandmother. She was no stereotypical warm and cuddly grandmother - she was formidable - but she was a good grandmother. I used to stay at her apartment (sleep on her living room sofa) when my parents wanted a night free (I'm sure that's not how it was sold to me at the time).
She was always attentive and tried to make it a nice time - take me to a movie or out to IHOPs, but she was a disciplinarian and I was always very well behaved with her as she frighten me a bit.
I also remember that her neighbors were a married couple of the same age as her whom she had known for fifty or so years. They would pop in and out of each others' apartments and the husband would take me for walks or to the park. He was a nice guy with a spark for life that made him fun to be with.
While my grandmother was very formal - always dressed up, very proper in grammar and etiquette - with this couple she was informal. The husband would bring over coffee and rolls in the morning sometimes and my Grandmother would sit at the kitchen table with him and me before she was "made up," etc. It was always a nice time when he came over and I remember it as one of my favorite parts of visiting her.
Anyway, about thirty years after she passed away and almost twenty after my Father did (he only lived to be 60), I'm at dinner with my Mom and girlfriend and my mother, after having never said anything about this to me before, casually (mind you) mentions that my Grandmother had, had a forty-plus year affair with the husband of the neighbor couple.
After picking my jaw up from the table, my Mom told me that it was an open secret that everyone knew about at the time - including his wife - but nobody talked about. She also said that my Grandmother told her in that last year, when she was dying of cancer, that they had talked about having him leave his wife and getting married, but neither of them wanted to blast apart two families and create a scandal (it was a different time).
Now when I look back, I can see that all the signs were there if I had, at the age of five and six, known what to look for. They were incredibly comfortable with each other in a way that couples are. She didn't care about him coming in and out of her apartment at any time of day no matter what she was doing (and, otherwise, she was incredible punctilious). And while she got along fine with the wife, the real relationship was with the husband. I took all this in as a kid, but had know way of processing it then.
So, that is the long story of my relative from the Golden Era who lived a life quite different from the one I thought she had. She taught me all good values - honestly, hard work, manners, integrity, kindness to others and the importance of your word being your bond. In every way, other than the affair (I know, "how was the play otherwise Mrs. Lincoln"), I believed she lived her life according to those values - local businessmen told me for years after she had passed away that all you needed from your Grandmother was a handshake as it was as good as a signed contract.
As we all know, the Golden Era had all the drama of human life, but some of it was kept more below the surface than in our show-everything culture today. I thought this was a neat story and might be worthy of a thread as others might have equally or more interesting stories to tell as well.