The Evidence of Old Lovers - Keep or Destroy?

[drjones]

me too

im DEFINATELY a keeper though as I age and mellow this is getting less and less. I am able to part with more now. Maybe time DOES heal all wounds? whatever it is...thats me....

DRJONES

 

[alexandra]

I have a horrible, horrible memory, so I keep things so that years later I can remember what happened in a situation. I don't look at them regularly, i just put them in a folder or something and then after a long time has passed and I find it, I get reminded of fun times.

I think this only works well for people who have trouble remembering things. Otherwise it's clutter of things you know.

 

[miserabelle]

I keep things until I feel like I can get rid of them, I'll keep a few things... and I almost always keep things that have been hand made for me, but mainly when a relationship is over... like really over and I know I'm not acting rashly, I like to purge. I've never written love letters, maybe I'd feel differently about those xx

 

[Real Swell Gal]

It's your private property and she has no right to tell you what to do with it.

 

[alexandra]

I once wrote a journal nearly every day for a year about a relationship and gave it to my boyfriend at the time as a gift but I made him promise me that if we broke up I could have it back haha

 

[FedoraGent]

About the suit...

I say you throw it on eBay, and get something that the ex cannot and might not give you now. What you ask? Value.

After my divorce, I think I went thru every approach mentioned here so far -- some stuff I smashed to bits, some stuff I hauled to the dump, some stuff I just tossed in a box in the garage and forgot about, and some stuff I actually packed away in a trunk in my mother's attic. But I wasn't very thorough, and even now, five years later and my ex long since remarried, I still come across bits and pieces I didn't realize I had.

What I do with those depends on how I feel at the moment -- right now I've got a 1928-dated men's suit in a box out in the garage, left over from some long-ago community theatre production we were in together, and I am torn on what to do with it. Part of me wants to just leave it where it is, and
part of me wants to flog it here on the Lounge and make a few bucks off it. I dunno. But I don't feel a lot of emotion about it, one way or another, and I think that's a sign I'm over the worst of it.

I will say though, the smashing-stuff-up thing can be very cathartic. When my mother's second husband walked out on her, she took a sledgehammer to his motorcycle -- and found it a very refreshing, restorative experience.

 

[imoldfashioned]

I'm another keeper but I've also been lucky in that I've never really had a bad ending to a romantic relationship. I like to have momentos.

After my father's death all the letters I wrote to him were returned to me. I read them, along with his letters to me, burned them all and scattered them with his ashes. I've never regretted doing so.

 

[Miss 1929]

Keep it all!

It was given to you... unless there are seriously incriminating things written there like, "Darling, when I think of how it felt to knock over that bank with you" there is no reason to comply. They are your letters now!
I have every love letter or note ever written to me.
Funny, my previous relationship to the happy marriage is the only one where I have no notes or letters (and he was a novelist and songwriter, "but not for me""), and also the only relationship where they insisted I dump old memorabilia. My love letters were not the victim, sadly it was my daily notebooks from the ages of 11 to 25. I will never forgive him for insisting and myself for not resisting.
On the other hand, I kind of like it that somewhere out there are many lovely nude photos of my youthful self, and a lot of very explicit letters! If I ever get famous they will fetch nice prices.

 

[KY Gentleman]

If you've never listened to John Prine sing the song "Souvenirs", do it now.

 

[MrNewportCustom]

Keep that which is most important to you. I'm like you, Scott, except I keep gifts but destroy letters. To me, if the relationship lasted into marriage, I'd keep the letters, too. So far, none have. lol

In your case, Scott, I would say that this is a time when a little white lie is in order, and will make you both happy. She wants you to destroy her letters and notes, but you want to keep them. I say keep them but tell her you destroyed them. "Let's not and say we did."

All that said, I would have no problem finding out a lover of mine had mementos from past relationships. I keep them, so why should I deny her of keeping any?


Lee

 

[Flivver]

I tend to save everything.

Recently while "exploring" in a part of my house where I hadn't looked in years, I came across some letters written to me by my first girlfriend (from college days in the 1970s). Jobs in different parts of the country separated us but we continued to correspond for several years.

Re-reading those letters now was very enjoyable...made me wish we had never drifted apart. And it made me think about how different my life might have been if we hadn't.

I'm really glad I saved them!

 

[Atticus Finch]

The Evidence of Old Lovers - Keep or Destroy?

Scott, the mere fact that you refer to your former lover's letters as "evidence" tells me that you should destroy them as quickly as you can.

AF

 

[TheKitschGoth]

I do both. If it was a good relationship, that didn't end too badly then I keep things. If it was a bad relationship then things get burnt.

Apart from once, where a jealous ex forced me to destroy photos etc given to me by a previous ex. I know really regret destroying them, especially as I'm still friends with that ex (not the jealous one) and know he still has things kept from when we were together.

I just like keeping sentimental reminders, I have a box at my parents house full of "memories"

 

[Pilotguy299]

There is no one answer.

For your particular circumstance, what I would not do is destroy or dispose of them in the near future. Wait at least a few months and then ask yourself what feels right to do. It's not the same answer for everyone and it may kinda depend on how jealous or insecure your current partner is. A lot of people keep an "Ex-Box" with some notes, trinket, etc in it, but don't brag about it or keep it out in public for the current love to see. Some things are appropriate to keep and others just aren't.

 

[Hondo]

One of my ex-girlfriends (guess you know why she’s an ex now) found a bunch of old photos, questioned me, the old third degree “Why are you keeping these?” as if I owed her an answer, and I didn’t, it was just for sentimental value like some here, definitely wouldn’t keep letters, notes, I’ll leave that to the ladies here, but its not a good deal for us guys, pictures are a different thing, unless (laughing) you have old Polaroid photos at some strip club, I’d call that dangerous if your married.

 

[Smuterella]

i haven't kept anything, it makes me sad that i have no mementos

 

[jamespowers]

I don't keep any of that sort of stuff - while shockingly sentimental and almost OCD in my hoarding tendencies in general, when it comes to stuff that belonged to past relationships, I'm a slash and burn guy. I tend to find old notes and that sort of thing cease to have any value when the relationship does. Notes, letters, photos - the works. Always reashed it, never yet regretted it (only the relationships themselves ).

Exactly. :eusa_clap :eusa_clap :eusa_clap

 

[Edward]

You sweet talker, you

Ouch!

Of course, I have to agree with that. No point in making the current "the one" in your life unhappy.

"the current "the one"" lol

I like that turn of phrase. A very healthy way to look at these things.

 

[Pip]

I always keep bits and pieces like that on the notion that, if it allows me to look back at things, and brings a smile to my face, or reminds me of times I have enjoyed, then its worth keeping.

Of course kept private though

Phil.

 

[Barbigirl]

Ouch!



"the current "the one"" lol

I like that turn of phrase. A very healthy way to look at these things.

Fickle or realistic? Sometimes I wonder.