The Evidence of Old Lovers - Keep or Destroy?

[Edward]

Fickle or realistic? Sometimes I wonder.

I guess I've seen one too many people get totally wrapped up in the idea of "the one" to the extent where they will put up with some dreadful behaviour they shouldn't, or even drop someone great for someone else they believe to be "the one" (so often doesn't work out!), or otherwise end up permanently alone and unhappy with it, their [primary fixation benig this mystical "the one" that nobody real ever matches up to.

On the other hand, I guess pushed to extremes it can become a fickle thing. I've never been a one for the idea that something is "meant to be" for the time it lasts, but "not now." always - especially when an ex-girlfriend tried to pull that one on me in the middle of a difficult break-up - smacked of a cop-out unwillingness to accept the relationship was a mistake.

 

[scotrace]

I believe in the concept of "The One." In fact I know it to be true. But as someone said more eloquently than I, that doesn't mean that the relationship will be all sex & violins, or even tolerable, long-term. A smart person recognizes when it's destructive and moves on, knowing that they have had that rare experience, and that they have probably moved away from a slippery slope in time to save themselves.

I think some relationships, on the other hand, can be all sex and violins, and still be missing that sense of one-ness.

But it is entirely possible to devote one's life to someone who is The One, yet find that it sucks the life out of you, and keeps you in a dark place.

People are complex critters.

 

[Edward]

Tell me about it. I gave up trying to figure out you humans a long time ago. [huh]

 

[alexandra]

Just because you were in a relationship and it was good for a certain amount of time and then stopped working, it doesn't make the relationship a mistake.

A lot of times people enter into relationships which are really good for them at that point in their life, but we're ever-changing and we sometimes move in opposite directions from the people we're with.

I have always felt that length of a relationship does not determine quality of a relationship (in both romantic and platonic relationships).

 

[Pip]

Just because you were in a relationship and it was good for a certain amount of time and then stopped working, it doesn't make the relationship a mistake.

A lot of times people enter into relationships which are really good for them at that point in their life, but we're ever-changing and we sometimes move in opposite directions from the people we're with.

I have always felt that length of a relationship does not determine quality of a relationship (in both romantic and platonic relationships).

Couldn't agree more :eusa_clap

 

[jamespowers]

I believe in the concept of "The One." In fact I know it to be true. But as someone said more eloquently than I, that doesn't mean that the relationship will be all sex & violins, or even tolerable, long-term. A smart person recognizes when it's destructive and moves on, knowing that they have had that rare experience, and that they have probably moved away from a slippery slope in time to save themselves.

I think some relationships, on the other hand, can be all sex and violins, and still be missing that sense of one-ness.

But it is entirely possible to devote one's life to someone who is The One, yet find that it sucks the life out of you, and keeps you in a dark place.

People are complex critters.

So in essence you mean:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etqVnea3PwY

 

[Haversack]

The letters I have exchanged with friends and lovers going back to High School are all, (more or less), neatly bound and boxed. I could no more burn or discard them than I could burn a book. They are a record of who I was and how I came to be me. Mistakes. Joys. Regrets. Happiness. Foolishness. Occassionally rereading them reminds me how I have grown, for good or bad. A refresher course on 'lessons learned' if you will. Having them is a connection to the past. (Then again, I used to write letters addressed to myself at a specific date in the future. Time is a stream.)

While I understand that some people feel threatened by their partners having letters from past lovers, I really do not grok the fear and jealousy that they seem to inspire. In the end it devolves to who the individual couple is and what they feel the other owes them.

Also, from a historian's perspective, personal letters are the grist of histories. Think of how much poorer we would be if Sam Johnson's Diary, or letters written during the Civil War or WWII had been destroyed because of jealousy? (Ken Burns might be out of a job.) While growing up, one scene in the miniseries, _The Quest for the Source of the Nile_, made a big impression on me. When Sir Richard Burton died, his wife burned ALL of his papers because of fear of what was in them. As I said earlier, its like burning books.

A final point, there are going to be much fewer hard-copy letters available for future historians to use. So much of what we write now exists only electronically. Granted, it may be possible to extract letters from servers or discarded hard drives, but propobably not without court order. So those actual letters we write will become more precious with time.

Haversack

 

[alexandra]

Uh oh! I just realised that if someone historian in the far away future ever reads my fake letters that I mentioned in my Love Letters thread...he might be terribly confused!

 

[jamespowers]

Uh oh! I just realised that if someone historian in the far away future ever reads my fake letters that I mentioned in my Love Letters thread...he might be terribly confused!

The heck with historians, I don't want my children to read any of that stuff my wife and I have written. :eusa_doh:
Burn baby burn.

 

[alexandra]

Yeah but at least your letters are to a real person. I know what you mean though...I'd hate to read any love letters my parents wrote to each other! Gross!


haha.

 

[jamespowers]

Yeah but at least your letters are to a real person. I know what you mean though...I'd hate to read any love letters my parents wrote to each other! Gross!


haha.

Exactly my feelings. I have not found any that my parents wrote to each other and I am glad not to have for the same reason you wouldn't want to read them. Its hard to even think that they were my age once. Then again, after having my son, I a new appreciation for what they went through raising me.

 

[Avalon]

Yeah but at least your letters are to a real person. I know what you mean though...I'd hate to read any love letters my parents wrote to each other! Gross!


haha.

On the contrary...my mother saved a big box of cards / letters / poetry from my father that I enjoy going through once in a while. I like seeing them get closer, growing to love each other.

Granted, they've been divorced for 19 years now, so pay me no mind.

 

[jamespowers]

On the contrary...my mother saved a big box of cards / letters / poetry from my father that I enjoy going through once in a while. I like seeing them get closer, growing to love each other.

Granted, they've been divorced for 19 years now, so pay me no mind.

My father write poetry?! lol lol lol lol lol lol
I am sure I won't find anything like that around. lol

 

[alexandra]

Now that I'm 20, I have been able to deal with the fact that my parents fell in love and yadda yadda eventually they had sex. I just like to imagine it more that they met each other, never even held hands, got married and then on that special night they barely looked at each other, did their deed, and then rolled over and went to sleep. With a pillow between them!

 

[jamespowers]

Now that I'm 20, I have been able to deal with the fact that my parents fell in love and yadda yadda eventually they had sex. I just like to imagine it more that they met each other, never even held hands, got married and then on that special night they barely looked at each other, did their deed, and then rolled over and went to sleep. With a pillow between them!

Hahhahahahah! Yeah sure. That's the ticket. It happened just like that. lol

 

[Barbigirl]

Kids and letter

On the contrary...my mother saved a big box of cards / letters / poetry from my father that I enjoy going through once in a while. I like seeing them get closer, growing to love each other.

Granted, they've been divorced for 19 years now, so pay me no mind.

I have 15 years of love letters from my ex husband. From budding romance of a 17 and 20 yr old, to letters of misery and anguish of hopelessly trying to make things work, written by both of us. I think that at some point my daughters would like very much to be able to read those letter and have a realization of the people we were/are separate from "just being their parents" and that we really did try to keep it together. But I hope they wait to read these til after we are dead.

 

[jamespowers]

I have 15 years of love letters from my ex husband. From budding romance of a 17 and 20 yr old, to letters of misery and anguish of hopelessly trying to make things work, written by both of us. I think that at some point my daughters would like very much to be able to read those letter and have a realization of the people we were/are separate from "just being their parents" and that we really did try to keep it together. But I hope they wait to read these til after we are dead.

That's the problem. You might die from the embarrassment.
I know I would rather not be judged on what I might have written to my wife when I was 19. Some might even have a little steamier language in them than I want them to read as well.
You want drama like that? Go buy a Harlequin. That would be my suggestion to my children. Here they go:

 

[Barbigirl]

That's the problem. You might die from the embarrassment.
I know I would rather not be judged on what I might have written to my wife when I was 19. Some might even have a little steamier language in them than I want them to read as well.
You want drama like that? Go buy a Harlequin. That would be my suggestion to my children. Here they go:

[huh] Or I will just say, "just appreciate the hot fiery genes you got from me."

 

[Foofoogal]

My father write poetry?!

this made me laugh out loud. I think it would of scared me silly if either my dad or my honey wrote poetry and I found out.

My mom used to hint she had hidden charms.

Parents have sex?

 

[Avalon]

Hey, my dad's poetry was pretty good! lol